All Comments on 'Exposure'

Normal JimBob44 wedding!

5

I had to read the character references in the ‘Author’s Note’ at the end to help recall and put into context most of the names, and then I reread the story. It helped to put all the relevant people into context. A wild and crazy scene - I wish I could’ve been there as an eyewitness. I can shut my eyes and clearly visualize the broad range of emotions in everyone’s expressions. An afterimage to amuse me through my day.. Thanks much.

So... I kinda gave up trying to understand this story when you introduced, like, a dozen different characters in the first four paragraphs, and then kept introducing even more people as the story went on. It was surprisingly hard to understand who said what to whom.

But I gather the actual plot is that they tried to marry off their prostitute daughter in order to facilitate a company merger, but then got shown up at the altar?

Most of your writings are quite good. This one just got too confusing to keep track of who's who and how they tied into it. I will wait for your next and hope its back on track then.

I couldn't understand the introduction of so many characters so quick.

Very nice.

I enjoy your stories, but this one was crammed with so many people so quickly that I couldn't keep up. I gave it a 4 instead of a 5 because of that.

Good potential, though really hard to follow with so many characters in such a short story.

Too confusing for this type of flash stories. Will read it again. Thanks SK742.

I very much enjoy your stories but this one was too condensed. It needed some backstory to have this setup make sense. It isn't said enough but thank you for all of your stories.

I’ll give you this; that name dump was positively heroic.

Sometimes the trouble with a flash story, and a bunch of characters is that things get lost and identities haven’t had a chance to be cemented into the readers head. By the time I got to the end, I had no idea who was who and why.

When did William and Andrew kiss and make up?

Nice, quick and to the point. Thanks

I echo what @looking4it said. I couldn’t track the characters to figure out who was who. Thanks for submitting the story.

Way to many characters for short story and not really any backstory. All in all way too complicated to make sense of.

Usually, flash stories have a limited cast to make it easy to develop the characters and for readers to follow. I very much liked the premise of the story and would have rather it be developed into a longer story to understand who’s who.

Couldn’t get the story straight due to waaay too many players onvolved.

Hilarious!

Hysterical!! I had to reread it at least three times to sort of sort t out. I'm still not sure that I have. i think I'll just wait to have Uncle Tony 's boys show up to take out the miscreants. (My addition.) 7 stars, the Bear definately loved it. Would have been ten, but I had to work to hard to follow it. Funny, though.

The BEAR

The intent of the story was entertaining.

The manner in which it was written was confusing.

Had a good laugh, but all the full names and relationships had it complicated to the point of distraction. Still a fun story.

Went to a wedding last weekend with some ex-spouse drama, this one was more interesting!

The problem with these short stories with lots of characters is that it's hard to keep them all separate enough to figure out what is going on before the story ends.

Lol, can I get a copy of the wedding video?

Can’t really get this because it relies too strongly on past character development contained in other works.

4 stars

Jim Bob ... Oh, Jim Bob, how you have disappointed me! Was this just a cruel attempt at messing with my mind? It took less than two paragraphs to lose me in your silly word salad. I usually like your stories ... ... but, this was no story. This was just a confusing pile of crap! I still don't know what was going on. Unfortunately, I don't care either. I don't have enough energy or desire to try to figure it out. I give you one star. I also take back two stars each, from your last two stories, as punishment for your arrogance. Go to your room!!!

Unreadable

4 stars.

Too much characters .

So a story you can't follow unless you've read a bunch of others. Not sure the Easter egg method works... I won't leave a rating even though it was an incoherent mess as a standalone story.

To many characters couldnt even begin to follow the story line.............

This one was hard to keep up with all of the names of the characters. A definite distraction.

The line of this plot was interesting, leading to a good mild btb ending, but was destroyed by the endless characters coming in, without a proper description, making the relationships and the plot very difficult to follow. So, good short plot, but very badly written.

Just confusing... sorry, I normally enjoy your stories.

Like the idea, it needed more setup. All the names and who they belonged to was too confusing..

If I have to use a note pad to keep track of the numerous characters I don't bother. Not worth more than a 2.

Right off the bat, I knew we were meeting past characters and let the story tell itself. I read your stories for my pleasure, and how it reminds me of life in Louisiana. I enjoyed it and look for more of you work, chere.

😆

Good story, crazy busy with all the characters in the story. Thanks for writing

Way too short! I need more Jimbob44 than that. You always get five stars from me. Thanks for sharing.

Not your best effort. Way too many characters. 2*

I sure hope you aren't going to rehab William in your stories! Thanks for the story!

It's late, and I'm tired, so maybe I missed something obvious, but I don't get how all the guys figured out they were all schtupping her during the same time period. Did they discover it after the fact? Did they know in advance? And was the MC planning on getting married after just 4 months of a relationship in what appears to be an arranged marriage of some type for business purposes? I'm missing some data here that I cannot infer from the facts presented.

I get the tie-ins, but Lordy do you confuse the hell out of the reader with all the introductions early on in this one! Gave myself a headache trying to link them to add content to the storyline. 3.7*

Way too many names and people to keep track. I love your stuff, but I lost track 4 paragraphs in.

That was confusing. I guess if I had read the rest of the stories it would have made sense.

Whew! That was a lot all thrown into one quick read!

Something is wrong when 1/3 of the page of a 1 page story is used to inform the readers who the characters are and how they are involved in other stories....sorry 1 star

Normally, I enjoy your stories. But this one was too crowded with characters lacking proper introductions. I could not follow the story. Perhaps you should rewrite it fleshed out a bit to help the reader get the picture.

well at least it was short, thank gawd that is over

I enjoy most of JimBob's stories, but this was a disaster. I mean there was no Tom, no Dick, and no Harry. How could he leave those names out?? There might have been a few female names left out, too. 'Slick' said he was going to have to read it again; as if that would somehow make this make sense......

I gave up at the 300th name in the first half page. Convoluted doesn’t even begin to capture it.

Wonderful. Never change a thing. Five stars.

Wasn't impressed

Gave up half way , like a rubik cube

TOO MANY NAMES TOO MUCH GOING TO FULLY UNDERSTAND

Old trope with way too many names to keep track of. Very hard to read, sorry.

Too many moving parts, and it wasn't long enough to involve 47+/- random and unique characters. It was like walking into the middle of a Tolstoy novel without the flowchart in the front. As a writer, this Cast of Thousands is fully formed and functioning within your brain pan. However, as a writer, you failed to "show" us anything but a tangled and confused people porridge. It wasn't so much a Flash story as a Fizzle story. The upside is that you've got a nascent story that needs to be developed. 2/5

-Yossarian

5 easy stars. I agree it was a bit hard to sort out minor details, but that's why we are homo **Sapience**, not extras in "Idiocracy" or frogs. Our brains have capacity to analyze things and work.

/

To those complaining:

/

(1) backstory is fleshed out plenty, despite it being a flash. TL;DR: a dude tried to save his company by having his slut daughter marry someone as a "prize" for that someone doing a merger which would save dude's company. Except the slut daughter got preggo from her hookups, and all her slutting was exposed at the wedding, stopping the wedding and the merger. THE END.

(2) There were a lot of characters on purpose. The whole point of the story was that this was a big wedding/slutting mess. That's how both of those work in real life. 1000 relatives. You don't need to keep track of every minor character to enjoy the story - they are there for color, not for a War and Peace class quiz.

I am not smart enough to keep up with the story and characters in this one.

A decent story line, hamstrung by poor writing. I was able to get the gist of it, but too many of the details were lost in the mad rush to introduce too many characters in too short of time.

-

On a more general note, this is probably not the best type of site to try and create your own universe. If you are going to do so, you really need to make it clear at the beginning of the story rather than with a note at the end. With a series, everybody knows they need to start at chapter 1 and read them in order. With just a random collection of stories that share characters, there is nothing to guide the reader or even warn them that additional reading is required to follow a particular story. Adding a note at the bottom of the story to explain why you left out so much needed information is too little, too late.

I actually had to draw a diagram to follow along. I like your work a lot, very witty, but it's a lotta work sometimes. Try lightening up on the massive casts of long-winded character names.

The credits for where the characters first appeared was longer than the story!

Too many people to keep track of who’s who. Confusing.

Lost the will to live with the 20th character

Great story! I know most of those folks from other stories. Felt like I was there.

Guess you had to be there. Simply not worth the effort to decode this cluster fuck.

Well that was a waste of time and unreadable to the point it couldn’t be understood.

Wow that was a shit load of Names for one page lol

This author thinks he's a chess master, but he's only playing checkers!

Just too confusing for my remaining antique brain cell!

With so many names in it. All the names take over the actual story

As usual, you dumped far too many characters in at the beginning. To be fair, no score.

JPB

Unreadable. Better to rewrite it describing the tons of characters while they come up in the tale. Were all of them really necessary ?

Cute story but authors note was long as story.

Also, it's funny how nobody whining caught on that the author didn't invent the idea - it was a homage to things like Heinlein's "The Cat Who Walks Through Walls" or Jules Verne's "Mysterious Island" (and I'm sure plenty of other examples, including in modern creative work, things like Averngers last movie).

Ok. So first off let me say you are one of my favorite authors, but this one has me lost. Definitely would be better with an actual story attached.

Maybe use the entire national identity register next time, not enough characters.

I’m with IC thru U, I like your stories, but I was lost, I reread it, and still couldn’t figure it out. Thanks KS

Wow this cast of characters put into this story is almost longer than the story. JB44 has to have great notes any more with so many characters created over the years. Happy to be along for the reading ride!

Keep writing for your pleasure and I will keep reading for my entertainment! Entertaining was achieved!!!

I from time to time check your list for stories containing the "Carter Clan" since I first read "Let Myself Believe" I liked that story immensely, so I enjoy the stories that include them, though I am amazed no one has beaten William to death yet.

Wow, lousy and poorly written and not even proofread. What a waste.