You are Under Arrest

I left and went home. I stopped at my in-laws, and gave one of the packets to my soon-to-be ex-father-in-law. "Your daughter is some kind of fucked up. You need to get her some help." I turned and left. I drove home.

The next day, we went to church, and then to Denny's for breakfast. I kept my cell phone off all day, and then all night.

Monday morning, I went in to work, and got the arraignment time for shithead. I showed up at the courthouse, and sat through the arraignment. His lawyer played the 'consensual sex ' card, and said there was no rape. They introduced the statements of the two women from the party. The judge wasn't sure she liked what she was hearing, but said she was dismissing the charges with prejudice, so that he could be re-charged if things changed. He turned and saw me, and smirked. That didn't last long, as whoever his wife had on retainer had him served on his way out of court. Along with a restraining order. I smirked as I left. Not quite even yet.

I got home with copies of the rape kit, the police report, and the DNA readout of the rape kit. Guess who my poor little daughter's father was, biologicly speaking?

I was on the phone with my lawyer, when some one knocked on my front door. Now only one person I know of knocks instead of ringing the door bell. Sure enough, I opened the door to my current brother-in-law.

Anthony was Carolyn's older brother, but only by about 3 years. He owned his own construction company. Rumor had it he was loosely connected to the mob.

His son had gotten in some trouble with drugs a few years back, and I pulled some strings for him ( 99% legit ), and made it go away. Then we got him into a program, got him clean, and now he in the seminary, 3rd year, and doing well. Needless to say, I was his favorite brother-in-law.

So this was probably not a social call. Tony pushed by me, and was greeted by my kids. They loved him, and his wife Theresa, and their 3 kids. He extricated himself from the hugs, and turned to me and said "Back porch."

We adjoined to the back porch, and he turned to me and said "What the fuck is going on? Carolyn is a basket case at mom and dad's house, and dad is fuming."

"Did she tell you anything?"

"You threw her out. Then she got evasive, and didn't want to talk any more. That was right after dad confronted her with the 'literature' you gave him. What's going on??"

"Did you look at any thing your dad had?"

"He wouldn't let me."

Sigh. "Your sister has been cheating on me for 17 years. None of my kids are mine, biologically. She has been spreading her charms all over the place. I don't know who the father of Marisa, or Junior is; chances are she doesn't know either. Gidget's father is her current boss, Arthur Dash. She also has a sexual disease, gonorrhea, and she's pregnant. Not mine. Your dad has everything I have, except the rape kit and the police report, but my lawyer has everything. She is going to served this week."

He had sagged to a chair, and looked at me, devastated. "No chance?"

"Of what? Would you?"

"No, I understand ."

"They dismissed the charges on the shit head-my name for him- and he was served by his wife, who also has everything your dad has, courtesy of me. I didn't mean to be cruel to your parents, Tony, but with the attitude your sister has right now, I didn't want them to get the wrong information. And she needs serious mental help."

"I understand. Just a little shocking, that's all."

"Tell me about it."

We talked for a bit, and he got up to leave. "So what are you going to do about 'shit-head'??" he asked.

"I don't know. Anything I do will come right back on me. I know what I want to do, but, no offense, she's not worth going to jail."

He looked me square in the eye, and said "Don't worry; I'll take care of it. You're still family. It won't come back on you. I won't hurt my sister, but he'll get his. This will make us even...brother."

"Tony, don't do it" I said.

"Do what??"he said. He turned and left before I could say anything else.

So my wife was served at her parent's house on Thursday. She passed out and they had to take her to the emergency room. She was hospitalized for about a week. Then came home to her parents house. Her father came to talk to me. Wasn't there anyway we could it patch up? he asked. "Didn't you see what I gave you?" Yes, but obviously she made a mistake. "A MISTAKE??" I screamed. "Scratching the car was a mistake. Forgetting to enter a check was a mistake. Fucking someone else for 17 years, getting pregnant with another man's child, passing them off as your husband's, cutting off sex with him was NOT a mistake."

I'm just glad the kids were in day camp when I when off on their grandfather. I calmed down, and told him to get her to sign the papers: I was through with her. He was not pleased with either or us. Tough shit.

An interesting thing happened: She had been served about 3 1/2 weeks ago; 3 weeks ago, shithead disappeared. He didn't make his lawyer's date with his wife. It turns out that for tax purposes, she was the majority owner of Dash realty. So she really wasn't concerned, and amended her lawsuit to show abandonment. The divorce suit went forward, but now it would take a year.

Carolyn was 2 months along, so we would have to wait another 7 months to finalize everything. So we waited. As it dragged on, her lawyer tried to get the settlement changed. She wanted more, said she was entitled to more. I had offered keeping the house, and give her a 10% settlement. She got to keep her 401k, and our savings account. No visitation except for one weekend every two months at her parents, no male or female companions present. Not to include Marisa: she did not want to see her. Her lawyer was opposed to almost everything. I told my lawyer to set up a meeting.

I showed up at my lawyer's office 1/2 hour early, and loaded a dvd into his projector. I grabbed a cup of coffee, and took a seat. She and her lawyer showed up. He introduced himself, and Carolyn extended her hand. "I know who you are. I don't need to get familiar with you."

Her lawyer said we should keep it civil, and nailed him with my best cop's stare. He choked a little.

They started to haggle. 4 hours later they had worked through everything, and gotten no where. I had vetoed everything and even withdrawn a few things. Then she blew up, and said I was being unreasonable.

I dropped the H-bomb. "O.K., you answer one question truthfully, and change my mind." I hit the start button on the dvd player. The disc started with Carolyn, and shit-head coming out of the Holiday Inn. It was the dash cam recording from my police car. She had never seen it, didn't even know it existed. It played till the part where she pulled out the blue lace undies. I froze it and turned to her. She was ashen faced, and her mouth was on the table. "At a meeting, huh Carolyn? Tell me, where are the anniversary panties, my loving wife? Huh?? WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY???? If you don't sign it just the way it is, we go to court, and everything get's made public. SIGN IT!!"

She started to cry, and grabbed a pen, and singed everything. Her lawyer was gobstruck, as she grabbed her purse, stood up,... and her water broke. She wailed. We called for an ambulance, and got her to the hospital. I made sure the birth certificate did not list my name as the father.

She gave birth to a 6lb. 7oz. baby boy. My lawyer sued for a DNA test, and 'voila', it wasn't mine. Not only that, it wasn't shit heads either. She was cheating on her lover, too.

The divorce went through, and I was finally free. I immediately became highly desirable on the singles market. My daughter informed me I was considered a 'hottie'. My son told me that I should watch my back, "Other wise, I might get attacked. Wink, Wink."

I went to see my brother-in-law, and we split a couple of beers. Finally, I asked him if he knew what had happened to 'shit-head'. "Who?" he said, raising an eye brow. "Never mind" I said.

I dated some, but my heart wasn't in it.

About two years later, Tony and Theresa threw a bar-b-que. Everyone was invited, including my ex-wife. The kids stayed away from her, and the guy she brought with her. Her little boy, however, was a charmer. My daughters gushed all over him. My now 18 year old daughter had brought a young man with her to the party. He was o.k., still passing inspection. ( Actually, I liked him, but don't tell her that.)

The guy who had come with her mother was drooling over my daughter. I saw, but did not want to embarrass my daughter by doing or saying anything. He kept sidling up to her, and I was almost goin to intervene when her young man friend joined her. "Hey, honey, what's going on?"

"Mind your own business, boy. The young lady and I were having a conversation."

"Oh, don't mind me" he said. "I was just trying to keep her from hurting you."

His hand slid to her hip, and then to her ass. "Get your hands off me" she said, looking him square in the face.

"Hey, you know you like it, don't..." She punched him in the throat, and grabbed his right hand. His thumb flipped backwards, snapped, and the scream got everyone's attention. "I don't have my mother's morals, sleaze."

Her boy friend grinned. 'That's my girl' I thought.

Her mother came over, and screeched "What did you do??"

My brother in law walked up, having seen and heard everything, and said "I think you two better leave."

After they vacated the party, things quieted down. Then somebody new showed up. My sister in law rushed over, and threw a hug around a striking brunette, about 5'8" tall, petite breasts, and legs all the way from her hips to her ankles. Her face was girl next door cute, and her eyes were hazel with gold flecks. She was stunning. At least, I thought so. My son came over, and elbowed me in the rib. "Put you eyes back in your head, old man" he grinned.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Then my sister in law led the beautiful lady over, and introduced her. "Curt, this is my sister, Angelina O'Malley." Oh, shit.

'All the good ones are taken' I thought

She had just moved here. She had a 10 year old son, was a lawyer looking to start over. Her husband had been killed in Afghanistan. Theresa looked me in the eyes, and said "I've told her all about you. Maybe you can help each other."

Angie looked at me, and said "We can try." GULP!!

FINIS