Who's the Bigger Fool?

I went home after lunch. Lester was not back yet which was not surprising to me. I had barely taken off my jacket and hung it up before the doorbell rang. With a big sigh, I went to the door. I saw a female police officer and another man who appeared could be a detective. He showed his badge and asked to come in. I was shocked at this being real and it was not what I had expected.

Maybe they really weren't police. I asked to see ID. They had badges, ID cards, driver's licenses, and business cards. Everything checked out. I let them in and apologized for my rudeness. It was at that moment I remembered I had not cleaned up from last night. Shit! Everything in the living room was left as it was when I went to bed the night before. That meant they could see the empty beer and liquor bottles, various spots of bodily fluids on the couch and rug, and, of course, the chair.

The detective went immediately over to chair where Lester had been tied up. He saw the cut ropes, the used duct tape, and the blood. I had not remembered there being so much blood.

"Is this where your husband was tied up?"

"Yes, but it was his own fault."

"It was his fault? Does that mean you're saying he tied himself up, duct taped his own mouth and rubbed the skin off his wrists and ankles just to make up a story about you physically abusing him?"

"No. It was just a stupid April Fool's joke. My husband set me up to think a biker gang was going to rape me. I turned the joke around on him to make him think I wanted a gangbang. I guess he was mad his joke didn't fly. He got pissed off and left when I let him loose."

"So, who tied him up in the first place?"

"The biker who said his name was Bandit and a couple of more bikers."

"That last part matches what your husband said. Well, the police is very well acquainted with this Bandit character. I have already interviewed him today. He agreed to talk in exchange for a more positive sentence recommendation. He said that he was given the wrong address to party and that you invited him and his buddies for your own special party. He said that you asked for the Ecstasy, that the sex was definitely consensual, and that it was you who ordered him to tie up your husband so he could watch get gangbanged. He said he just thought that you and your husband were into some kinky shit. You never fought Bandit or the others off, according to him. I need to know if that's true or if we believe we need to arrest him for rape also."

"I . . . I told him to stop, but I gave up when I couldn't stop him. You see, I was trying to teach my husband a lesson. He created the situation in the first place. I just took advantage of it. Can't you see that?" I paused for a crying spell before I continued. "You said Lester was in the Emergency Room. How is he? Is he still there?"

"I would say he's pissed off more than anything else. Both his wrists and ankles are wrapped up and tender as you might expect. He was released from the hospital after a couple of hours. Then he came to the station to make an official charge. According to the ER doctor, your husband should recover just fine. The physical injuries, I mean."

"Well, I'm glad he wasn't harmed too badly. But it really was his fault. I was just wanting to be sure he didn't make a fool out of me."

"I think you did fine all on your own. Look lady, I'm not the determiner of fault or not. Judges and juries do that as you will probably soon find out. Mrs. Lynch, I am placing you under arrest for assault and forced confinement of your husband. Before I forget it, you really need to have a STD check. One of the bikers you partied with has a real nasty STD that is hard to get rid of. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford . . ."

"Please believe me. It was supposed to be a joke on me. I just got back at him. You can't arrest me for that. It was his fault."

"Tell it to the judge."

I went to jail. I went to pay bail only to find out my credit and debit cards had been cancelled. Despite my embarrassment, I called my father. I was in the process of lying to him about why I was in jail when he told me that Les had already called him. My dad was like a father to Lester. My father yelled at me for several minutes at me. I was bawling while I listened. Finally, he agreed to come bail me out and take me to what I hoped was still my home.

I went into the house and sent a text message to Lester's cell phone. I begged for a meeting to clear everything up. He texted back. 'Everything is clear to me. My full response is coming soon.' I was hoping for him to come over or at least call. I waited. Instead of a direct contact, I got served with a petition for divorce on the grounds of physical abuse and mental cruelty. I cried once more. I had talked myself into fucking up my marriage because of a stupid fucking practical joke. Make that 'impractical' joke.

The trial was held fairly quickly. Bandit was the star witness. He testified as to going to the wrong address, being invited by me and his buddies to party, tying up my husband at my request, and having consensual sex with me. He had been given a minor sentence for a guilty plea on the confinement charge in exchange for testifying against me.

It was my husband's testimony that was the hardest to hear. Although he admitted to a history of pranks we had exchanged over the years, he also told the court that he had sworn to me never to trick me again. He thought I had believed him. The night was a shock to him. 'Never in a million years' kind of shocking. Lester testified under oath he had never seen or spoken to Bandit before that night, never consented to his wife being gangbanged pretend or real, and that all the love and respect he had had for me was lost that night. He showed the jury his scars on his wrist and ankles. Lester said he was glad he had a lasting reminder of why not to trust me ever again. When he said he might not trust any woman again, he had tears in his eyes. So did several of the female jurors. I was sunk.

When it was my time to testify, I tearfully told my story. I could tell in the jury's eyes I was dead meat even from the female jurors I had hoped to persuade. I felt guilty and maybe it showed. Whatever the case, I was found guilty. I wasn't surprised. I received a 3-5 year sentence which could have been even worse. I went back to county jail to await transfer to prison when there was an opening. The final divorce decree was delivered to me while I was in jail. I didn't even pay attention to the settlement. I didn't really care. One day, Lester came to visit. I was curious as to why he would come.

"Kelly, I must say that orange is a good color for you."

"I guess I deserve the snide remark. Lester, I hope you believe that I'm truly sorry for what I did to you. Even if you didn't set that up, I should never have done that to you. Too little, too late, huh Lester?"

"You still are hanging on to the belief that I set you up. I would have to have had a real nefarious reason to do that. Something like wanting to divorce you under the best possible circumstances for a better than 50/50 split. I would have had to have been very devious to have done something like that. I would have had to have put back a little money over many months so you wouldn't notice if you checked our bank accounts. It would have to be enough money to bribe members of a motorcycle gang to fuck you, lie to the police and be willing to serve a minor sentence. But to do that, I would have to have had a connection with a gang. Where in the world would a man like me could find that. I mean like, say someone at work whose brother was in a gang and needed my positive evaluation to receive a promotion. Then I would have had to be stupid enough to tell them the bikers they could go as far as you would willingly let them. That's when you had the opportunity to get me back. I was really surprised when you pulled the train. It really hurt me to see you enjoying it so much. After I saw that, I no longer felt any guilt about what I was doing. For the first few days after, I didn't know which I wanted to do more: kill myself or kill you. I settled for putting you in jail."

"I knew it. I knew it. I was right."

"Yep, you were right. Although we are both fools in this episode, you're in jail and I'm not. So, tell me: Who's the bigger fool?"