All Comments on 'Valentine's Day Renewal'

A wonderful first submission ... you crafted a story both tender and erotic ... a true love story ... you created characters the reader can care about ... doesn't even need a sequel ...

Bradley is a good guy for sticking around. Sara was just rude. She didn't want anyone to pity her yet she was throwing herself a pity party since she split from her ex.

I know its not easy to get over abuse. My dad abused my mom so I understand.

Can understand what you were trying to do, and I admire it.

Unfortunately, your punctuation let you down - I had to re-read several sentences. It's also affected your dialogue (including lots of 'I am's instead of the contraction 'I'm'), making it stilted. There's a couple of POV changes which you could smoothen out.

Nevertheless, a brave effort. Good luck in the competition.

The POV switches were abrupt and awkward. Hell, most of the switches from one scene to the next were awkward. The ending was rushed. Most of all, just because Bradley's not violent doesn't mean he's not controlling and manipulative. The whole not-taking-no-for-an-answer thing is not actually sexy. It's a lack of respect.

Too many POV changes, too many punctuation errors, too many wrong words or words with letters left off the end. No rating since I couldn't finish it.

'taut' nipples, not 'taught', anticipation 'rose' in me, not 'riled'. The problem with spell check is it allows you to use the wrong word, correctly spelled. There were numerous other minor errors. A human proof reader is always better.

You crafted your characters well. There IS a thin line between not taking no for an answer and a lack of respect. I think you walked that line pretty well. The story line did hold my interest. I did not have any problem with the shifts in point of view, which is an acceptable technique.

Thank you all to those whom have read as well as commented. I take all your suggestions willingly and I will do my best to apply them to future submissions. Thank you for being honest but remaining gracious and I look forward to all comments and responses, good or bad. And I am also happy to know that it was a pleasant read for some persons and I only hope to improve.

Thank You

I enjoyed this very much and while I noted the typos and common errors they did not prevent me being engaged. I suggest that you try a few ideas going forward with your writing. Why you have finished a story and spell check is happy try reading the story aloud, you will pick up a lot of errors that way. Then have a friend read the story to you, more errors will surface. Then ask an editor to apply the red ink treatment. Good luck and keep writing.

Thank you this is sad but true in this day and age. My girlfriend bore the same mental scars from a manchild. I thank god everyday she let down her walls too let me in her life and help her heal