by FinalStand
He got inside Hotness . She's kind of sweet underneath it all . fun and funny read.
I have really enjoyed the story so far. One thing - the pericardium is the membrane covering the heart. I think you meant the perineum. That goof was hilarious!
loved it...hope you won't make zuiko suffer too much and transform her into a kind lady over a period of time....
... spelling grammar and punctuation is definitely worse than in the first episode!!
Plus, why do you keep using the word 'passed' when you should be using the word 'past'??
I had the same editor. We'll look over the work to see how things were missed.
I'm looking foreward to reading more! Lots more! PS. Spelling and gramor can allway's be fixed! Later
The first 2 chapters were ggreat. I recommend you add on a couple more chapters and see how rest of it goes.
Thanks,
Sailorman
Keep up the good work. I loved these 2 chapters I can't wait for the next one to post.
hope he hooks up with ohl for a long term thing with the history they share it would be good
I agree with the other comments but I don't think it will take ten chapters to complete the story. I would rather fewer but I intend to read however many it takes to tell the tale.
Thanks for an excellent read.
Fucking both Hotness and Scout and maybe even Jaycee again, OHL and Maria. In good erotic literature and porn almost every woman in the story eventually gets naked and/or fucked.
This story has the potential to go far. I cannot wait to read more chapters!
EXCELLENT, except for the random "I's" that keep appearing in the text, also pericardium is the sack containing heart I believe the word you were looking for was 'Perianum ' otherwise known as ' Biffin's bridge' or in American slang 'The Taint'.
Well done keep up the good work.