by JimBob44
Fun read, but gotta agree with the D-man, why keep her when she fucked around when engaged?
Tough way for Laci to grow up. No surprise she’s involved with the gang of shit-for-brains from ‘Yapping Dogs’.
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I love the character and story reference list at the end. I find myself thinking ‘oh yeah, I remember that’, and often as not, go back to reread old stories.
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Thanks much.
Great story, love stories set in the DeGarde universe. Once I figured out the transition and what was going on it was a great twist.
The story was disjointed as the transitions were not very apparent but otherwise interesting.
Not sure why, but I always have trouble following JB's stories. Lots of local color, but too challenging to understand fully. Oh, well. It's me, not you! 3*
Like your stories and this is another good one. Sometimes, a bit hard to follow because there are so many characters.
always appriciate your stories in loving wives , dont look at the others, But thanks for sharing your gift
I'd always hoped for some kind of redemptive arc for the Laci character. Maybe somehow reuniting her with the Ice Cream girl. This is certainly not what I had in mind. Frankly, your stories have been awful dark lately. I usually like the interconnected aspect of your world, but I thought it was a bit unwieldy here. While I don't think this is one of your better tales, it was still very good. Free Laci!
Too many details not necessary for the story. This could have been just about the husband and wife and a non reconciliation story without fifty other characters. Short and sweet would be neat
I enjoyed the story, but not sure about Carl. So he goes home does all the things to start a divorce, because she disrespected him by not dancing with him. He cuts off all communication as well. I thought all that was strange. Then he brings up all the guys she was fucking when they were engaged. Then why did he marry her. Then he throws out the name of a guy she's supposedly fucking, but it was never clear how he guessed or knew that. The Carl character just seemed to be a little too sure of himself, without much emotion. Still a good storyline.
I quit reading after the chapter 2 because it was boring and not easy to follow.
Wonderful as always. I hope you keep writing these stories a long, long time. *****
I really liked the story.
It skipped around and very quickly, so I had to keep trying to figure out who was who. Maybe it's just me.
Keep up the good work.
I gave this a 4-star because of the avalanche of characters made me a bit dizzy, where some of them were quite irrelevant. But I do think this was done in good quality it was well-written though there are moments when I thought the plot was all over the place. Yet I am very appreciative that the writer put quite an effort to make this story. I didn't read the summary of characters at the end but thankful that the JimBob44 cared for his readers enough by adding some info of the characters. Thanks JimBob44.
I love your stories, but not so much your dialogue. I get that's how people talk in real life, but it makes your sentences hard to follow when it feels like sometimes every other word is an "um" or am "uh."
Solid 4*, but would love to see a story from you with more normal sentence structure in the character dialogue.
Thought I might have skipped a page or 2. But, plowed on. Your way of shuffling the info in weird time sequences can be disturbing. Not sure of the reason you do that, but I noticed that I slowed my reading down and concentrated a bit more on what I was reading. Whatever the reason, I enjoyed another good story from you. Thank you
What a weird story. I'm not sure if I liked it or not. I continued reading hoping that it would get better. No luck there.
After 400 stories I would think you know better than to throw your political views into a story. That alone docked you a point. The long drawn out needless ending dropped it another point. In the end I gave it two stars.
Great story but as pointed out, why would he even marry her if she was cheating like that all through the engagement?
Stunningly good. He was a Saint to marry her when she had already proven to be nothing but a cheating whore.
I just loved the heartfelt, supportive relationship the mc had with both his coworkers and his future ex-father in law. Beautifully crafted application of justice to all pertinent cheating assholes. Only thing is poor April has to be separated from her children for an undetermined amount of time.
Wow! Sorry, I got to the second page but gave up. There are WAY too many names, numbers, and extraneous BS to make it readable. You really need to ask yourself while writing, "Is this important to the story?"
I kinda like these stories from the alternate universe of Louisiana. JimBob is consistent. All of his male MCs are good guys that are smarter than all their adversaries female and male except when they marry the obviously flawed female the cheats demeans humiliates and breaks his heart. Same outline different character names same ending.
I liked the story a lot. Simple guy, upstanding citizen, just wants to find a decent woman. Are there any out there? :DD
A lot of this author’s work is in categories that don’t interest me, but in the ones that do there’s nobody better. A unique and compelling voice.
Carl grabbed a linen napkin from the table and folded it. He pressed the napkin against the gash in his ex-wife's throat. Her beautiful blue eyes looked up into his eyes. Carl forced a smile to his face. So why after April attacked Lacie was Lacie charged with murder. Huge mistake in this writing killed it for me.
Pretty disjointed, plus too many characters, most no consequence, to keep track of. Folksy writing style. Three stars.
JPB
I really enjoy the stories of DeGuard....I even looked it up on a map to see if really exists, it sounds like an interesting place to live, but alas....anyway, great job once again...
Sorry bailed after 1.5 pages. The story was hidden beneath so much minutiae and superfluous dialogue it was too difficult to stay focused.
It started out with a fairly decent concept, although poorly executed and hard to read. Unfortunately, it really fell apart at the end.
Very good story line but trying to keep tabs on it through a roller coaster, time jumping, person jumping jumble was very difficult. And for goodness sake, give poor Carl a break. He has had to deal with too many flakes. Give him the redheaded ex neighbor already and make her sane.
I was impressed w/ both the originality of the story, and the reality of parts. The reality I am talking about is that Carl does not immediately end up w/ a supermodel loving him for the rest of his life the day of his divorce. I loved your injection of reality, with him spending time w/ someone for sex/companionship, but then finally leaving open the door for a relationship with the former neighbor. Also, despite your warning of poor editing, I didn't catch any obvious goofs. The story did kind of jump suddenly towards the end, but I took those as stylistic choices, rather than as a negative.
Good story.
It was confusing to find Laci in an orange prison jumpsuit when testifying and then have Carl dating Marnie and we don't find out how these things happened until a page or two later.
Page 4 was confusing. I see it mentioned in another comment. I though you skipped a page when I was reading about Marnie. And I thought you had switched names with Laci and April. It all resolved itself later on the page, but some kind of transition would have made the ride less bumpy. Thankfully, you did not have Carl impregnate one of the lesbians.
From this place and when you tie many of the characters together. But this one was pretty boring. You either ended some of the subplots with one "oh by the way" sentence or just let them hang.
You jumped around to different times and places and just expected the readers to know it or that we would eventually figure it out.
This story needed more than it had and was just really uneventful and boring. The most interesting and exciting part of the story was the office banter between the three guys. The characters weren't developed enough to like or dislike them.
An ok a story, mildly amusing. Good to a guy just get up and walk out on a disrespecting wife. A one done when didn't even do one was pretty good. No respect = no marriage.
This was like three or four separate stories thrown together. Disjointed and erratic. Poor, at best.
Difficult to follow. The scenes change without any indication. It’s interesting to observe how all of the characters in this community interact within the setting. However I can’t keep score without a program, particularly when NPCs from other stories are inserted into the plot line as bystanders. I can’t figure out how Chad go stabbed in the restaurant after reading that scene multiple times. The number of characters I need to remember and track is at the point of overwhelming.
Good as always. I love how your characters show up in different stories. Thank you.
Solid 4. Pretty good story. Kinda hard to follow at times but a good read overall.
I enjoyed reading the story. Had to laugh at some the stupid thinking of his wife... Keep it up.
Fantastic! I loved it. Great hearing some familiar names in a great story. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I really enjoy reading your stories and looking forward to the next one. Five big stars!
I get what you were trying to do with the trial, but the timeline jumping around was too jarring.
Also, why would a 30 yo guy hook up with Marnie, who was not remotely attractive and nearly two decades older.
Abruptly ending the interesting romance with Michelle was a huge anti-climax after all that setup, then you grossed me out with the sex scene with that weird old broad.
Definitely not your best work!
A little rough, maybe. But, don't care, I just like reading about your characters. Hate to admit it, but I find them very relate able
I get a little lost in juggling all the characters, and the continuity suffers a bit at times
but otherwise an entertaining story
This author handles characterization and dialog very well - I felt like I was right there in Cajun country. However, the story meanders too much. The plot and the events need to be tightened up - there is way too much extraneous material here. The actual core plot seemed to disappear and it’s not clear why we had to know much beyond Carl and Laci’s divorce.
I don’t understand any of the character motivations here. At least until it turned all murdery at the end. But by then I didn’t really like any of them so…
That was tough to read. It was all over the place. Couldn’t get past the 3rd page.
JB44 is the Van Gogh of loving wives, painting his portraits with bold, broad strokes. I spend much time in south Louisiana and I find in these depictions a fascinating tableau of the human condition. These are not the characters or settings of Ian Fleming or F. Scott Fitzgerald, yet JB44 continues to intrigue and entertain us. Thank you for your labors JB44!
Learning how to read a JB44 story takes at least 20 reps (of different stories). Surely those who complain that this story is hard to follow wouldn''t expect to be able to play Maple Leaf Rag after one piano lesson. It also helps to build a database of his characters—tracking with Excel isn't really up to it—even though he gives a breakdown at the end of most stories. Like escargot and etouffe, JB's an acquired taste (and worth the acquisition).
Way to choppy. Try actually forming a complete sentence every once in a while.
JimBob44 has so many characters and storylines going at the same time that it would give soap opera producers a stroke!
Once again, I have to comment on the amazing world building that JimBob44 does in his stories. Each story is very good on its own--well written, believable characters and authentic dialogue, often very funny, frequently intermixed with the sad and tragic. But in addition to the stand-alone excellence of the stories, a real pleasure is the connection that he builds in characters, locale and action from one story to the next. 5***** for this story and a strong recommendation that his stories are very much worth reading, regardless of the category.
I really liked this story. For all the people complaining of too many characters if they would read a little further they would find out why some are gone and the character had moved on to someone else. Five stars! Thanks Jimbob44.
Zero reason to care about anybody in this story so I quit halfway through page 2.
I don't think that I missed anything.
1 star, could've been more if there was editing, story line & much better writing. OMG!! Couldn't keep up with what's happening. Story was pretty much OK until after hubby left the dance. But her dancing with this guy over her husband should result in an argument, maybe a big one. But initially to move out & then divorce?
... Then in the councellor's he wasn't trying to work anything out, but leaving after his monologue. Please, no insults. Bob
Thanks JB44. This wasn't your best or worst, but it does help to expand your literary world with its interesting, quirky and sometimes tragic characters. Their interconnecting stories might confuse someone who just now reads one of your tales as some of the comments indicate. You can tell when they criticize the grammar etc. and don't understand this world and vernaculars you have created. I guess they expect the Queen's English. They need to look deeper into your catalog.
I guess when you've written more than 400 stories, you HAVE to have some kind of 'map' to know from which stories which characters came...
...or do you start that at the very beginning of writing, keeping track to maintain continuity and allow for characters to be in multiple stories, staying true to their histories or building their histories.
I'll keep this in mind as I'm working on my initial tale.
Thanks for the lesson !
By the way, a '5' from here for this one.
Wonderful.
Not as captivating as some of the writer's very best.
But then, few stories here are.
And JimBob44 got it right near the end.
If you want some drama in your life,
find a woman.
As long as the drama isn't too intense,
that's a very good thing.
Top ratings from me.
Your stories are always a 5*. I especially like the light banter throughout your stories.
"Those are a few of the boys she'd fucked while we were engaged," Carl said, not taking his eyes from his wife's face. -- So why did they get married?
Half way through it felt like you were kind of making it up as you went, the pacing was brutally fast, plot all over the place and it was incredibly hard to follow.
Between the super awkward second half pacing, the almost sociopathic lack of emotional depth and the bouncing plot, it kind of dragged a good story down.
Felt like a good story arc for redemption before randomly she'd banged like 20 dudes and the bodies dropped.
Man some of your stories are like night and day. This one seemed like it was written by someone in middle school trying to sound cool.
Interesting and probably the most cross over people I have ever read in any of JB44 stories! I remembered several but didn’t get near that many! It seemed like every name was from a previous story - wow! Enjoyable reading time thank you!
I liked it! 5*****! I thought that leaving his wife on the dance floor made a point, but going to divorce seemed a bit premature until her personality was illuminated and prior cheating was revealed. Some of those women were nasty bits of work!