All Comments on 'Ray Ch. 01: Control'

Brilliant start to another story and well worth the wait. So what are the good points and what are the bad points? 🤔

I like the way you split the chapter into 3 sections. The first one had me smiling all the way. Good choice with the knuckle cracking Natalie. Natalie’s job and Ben sounds like turning into an interesting part of the story. Ray and Natalie look like a good combination but we’ll have to wait and see if he’s worthy of her. Good that you’ve kept the chateau and that you’ve kept a connection with the last series.

The bad points? I’ll have to think about that for a month or two. 🙄.

You are one of the best authors on the site. Welcome back!

Ray looks like a worthy successor to Finn.

The story is great except the dull guard that is not expecting a beautiful woman, it's a silly thing to be sure that the words "you are not what I expected" has to do with beauty, even if you made the character up yourself.

The rest of the story is great and that line is not really that important, it's just a silly part that distracted me.

It took me a bit to get into this story. I was used to Finn's dynamic. I like it was made easier by having three acts.

Humiliation is a hard limit for me. However that is part or Ray';s dynamic.

I do not know how well I would be as a community slave serving the next Domme coming along. I prefer the connection to someone special. like Finn and his Mistress. I am here for the long haul because I know good things are coming.

That being said I like how Ray kept fighting the amateur. I like how Natalie had the last hand. She controlled the scene from her entrance. That tells me much more is coming here.

I like the glimpse into her dominance at work. There might be something starting here too. Oh, Goody!

Evident that this story is written with all the love, dedication, and understanding of Mistress Syptember. Thank you for the quality of your gift to us.

Humble g

But you may change that.

Have to agree with previous comments. This is very good.

Bravo Sir

This comment is not for the benefit of “Anon” because I’m pretty sure he’ll never return. But because of his sarcasm.

“You are not what I expected.” A “dull guard”, as described, may well think that’s a good pick up line. Many people, whose looks and personality leave much to be desired, are silly enough to say something like that because their opinion of themselves differs from that of other people. You have, as a reader, to use your imagination, just like the writer. Possibly the guard was expecting a 200+ lbs gorilla with facial hair! Don’t overthink, and don’t be pedantic looking for anything at all to complain about.

Just a quick observation, I don't think that the story works as Ray being a cop. cops are trained to not be submissive, to be dominant even, or at least assertive and rational. How can you possible switch roles from BDSM slave to cop daily? What if a mistress was speeding? Would he be able to pull her over? It might work if he was a regular guy, but not so much as a cop. Also in your Finn story, his mistress had some humanity.and decency, however hardcore the BDSM was in that story. Rays mistress is simply a silly mean, cunt, so the " buy in" for the reader is more difficult, at least for me.

Good premise.

Began well.

Ended with a thud.

Two stars.