by curious2c
the Troubadour was right - you did have a twist ready.
As below, maybe a bit stretchy for the imagination, but well written.
Unless I missed it somewhere, Joan does not tell Ann that Patrick was told that she had order the "special treatment." When Patrick tells her this, she has no reaction. Logically, this should cause Ann to wonder what else Joan has not told her.
This is weird Andy.
Now we're into sci-fi.Definitely not getting any better.
Getting interesting. You have a vivid imagination. Well written.I"m eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
In part 3 we have Sharon about to explain the truth.
Who the fuck is Sharon????
This is getting weird, it's turning into si-fi joke. How can she think that what she has done isn't cheating, is she using the Clinton deffinition of adultery. She is worried about her children, how was she thinking about them when she was stripping for her workmates and being felt up by the Jamaican's to save her job. Face it,she is a cheating slut that thinks of only of herself.
I'm not sure what you are trying to do, but your story is rapidly deteriorating, What started out as an excellent story in chapter 1, has gone into what can best be described as weird science-fiction. The only problem is that it's not really entertaining or erotic anymore. Sad, it started out as such a promising story and now has turned into a big nothing. the Ct. Yankee
For a normally skilled writer this story gets more disgusting and unbeliveable with each chapter. Are Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers going to show up and save the world in the next chapter?
60 year old George
He took notes as he listened to this 15 year old boy, and then sent him back to his room in the sanitorium. Maybe someday with enough time and therapy this young man could once again rejoin society.
And not a lick of intelligence in the lot of them.
Pathetic
yes this chapter and all the other ones have scores of 4.10 to 4.4.
I think Curious 2c has fake accounts that he is using to artificially elevate his scores
She's becommingj a company whore.... and feeling jealous neachse her stupidity has him getting raped in Jamica.
Oh well, I just finished a 31 page train wreck.... might as well see this one through.
This is clearly in the wrong category. It was placed in LW only to take advantage of the larger number of readers/commentators here. Curious2c selfishly has manipulated the system for his/her own purposes.