Never My Love

~~~~~~

A few moments later, Doctor Ashlyn come into my room, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was smiling as she said, "Good morning, handsome; how're you feeling this morning?"

"A little sore," I groaned, "It feels like a bunch of fire ants are crawling all over my left side from the waist up."

"I'll tell you what; I'll take care of that in a few minutes," she said, "Let's take the bandages off of your eyes first, okay?"

"Alright," I smiled, "Besides, I want to be able to eat my breakfast myself and not have it fed to me."

"I can understand that," she said, gently placing her hand on my right shoulder, "In the mean time, I need you to hold real still for me while I remove the bandages from your eyes."

She took her time, gently taking the bandages off of my eyes, and once they were gone, the first thing I saw was a very pretty lady that was somewhere in her early to mid twenties, with shoulder length, dark brown hair the same color as mine, with a face like an angel.

Ashlyn Matthews was extremely pretty, beautiful even; she had nice fair skin, magnificently bright blue eyes, with a body like that of a fashion model, only a tiny bit stockier, but most certainly in all of the right places.

~~~~~~

Chapter Two

"Wow," I smiled, once my sight had cleared, "You really are pretty, just like my Mom said."

"Nah," she giggled, her elfin face delightfully smiling, "That's just the Demerol talking."

"Yeah, right, that stuff wore off a long time ago," I grinned, "And you really are stunning, Ashlyn."

"Thank you, Jake;" she smiled, her soft cheeks slightly blushing, "That's very sweet of you to say so."

"I'm not trying to be sweet," I told her, "I'm just telling the truth, that's all."

Then she looked at me and said, "I need to take the bandages off of your face, Jake. You need to see what you look like, okay?"

I'd already placed my right hand upon the bandages that were covering almost the whole left side of my face, and after feeling where they'd been placed, I looked at Ashlyn; and with a fearful feeling, I quietly asked, "It's pretty bad, isn't it?"

"I'm not going to hide the truth from you, Jake," she honestly told me, "But it looks a whole lot worse than it is so; you need to understand right now that it's nothing that I can't fix, okay?"

"Let's hurry up and get this over with then," I replied, trying to be strong, but crumbling inside, "I'll be okay...I promise."

"Thadda boy," she tenderly replied, as she began to gently tease the bandages away from the burned skin on my face. It took her about ten minutes, trying to make it as painless as possible, and then before I knew it, the bandages had been completely removed.

"You need to look at yourself now, Jake," she gently said, giving me a small hand mirror, "But I want you to also remember what I said about being able to fix it, okay?"

"Okay," I quietly said, terrified at what my eyes were about to behold, "I can handle it."

~~~~~~

The moment I looked into the mirror, it was all I could do to hold down the contents of my stomach. The left side of my face reminded me of something from a horror movie; as I looked at the terribly burned and seemingly mangled flesh that the fire had left in its wake. It looked like someone had used a track shoe to put out the fire on my face, and then tried to wipe it away with Hydrochloric Acid.

All I could do was hang my head as the tears began to silently roll down my cheeks, and in doing so, Doctor Ashlyn very gently put her arms around me, placing the right side of my face upon her chest so as not to further injure the left side.

"It's going to be okay, Jake," she softly said, gently hugging me, "I'm going to fix it for you and you'll be even more handsome that you already are...I promise you."

"I look horrifying," I quietly sniffled, "Nobody's ever going to want to be around me again, especially looking the way I do."

"You're not going to look like that for long, Jake," Doctor Ashlyn quietly, almost lovingly said, now softly sniffling herself, "I swear you won't, sweetie."

Right before she'd left my room; Ashlyn took pictures of my face with a thirty-five millimeter camera, because she said that the pictures were going to be put in my charts once they'd been developed. She told me that the reason for doing this was because the nurses who would be attending to me from day to day would need a point of reference when looking for any changes that might occur during my recovery.

~~~~~~

Later that day Mom and Dad came back to see me, and because the doctor wanted my wounds to get some air, she'd purposefully left the bandages off of my face. My parents might have tried to put on a brave front, but I could tell that the mere sight of my wounds had profoundly affected them both the moment they gazed at the hideous scars that the fire had left in its wake.

"Hi, baby," Mom smiled, as her eyes filled with tears when she looked at me, "How're you feeling today?"

"Like an ugly beast," I sadly replied, "I'm a monster now."

"No, you're not;" she began to cry, "Doctor Matthews is going to fix this, baby. You've got to believe her, Jake."

"Oh, I believe her," I bitterly said, wiping my nose, "But it's not going to happen overnight...and it's going to take a very long time before my face is even close to normal again; and even then I'm still going to have some scars to remind me of this shit."

"There's something you need to know, son," Dad told me, taking my hand, "Everyone at home is calling you a hero, and when you get out of here, the principle of your high school is going to give you an award."

"I'm no hero," I angrily told him, "I'm a monster, and that's all I'll ever be."

"You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself right this minute, boy," he suddenly snapped, a touch of anger in his voice, "You saved both of your sisters' lives, and what about little Teri Palmer? Where do you think she would be if you hadn't gone back into that building? All of that aside, you're damn lucky to be alive yourself, Jake. I raised you to be a man, and you've become a damn fine one so; stop acting like such a child, dammit."

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said, shaking my head as again, silent tears rolled down my ugly face, "I understand what you're trying to tell me, I really do, but I can't help feeling like this. How would you feel if you were in my shoes, huh?"

"I'm sorry, too, Jake," Dad said, his own eyes filling with tears as he gently hugged me, "I can't even begin to understand what you're feeling, son; but you have to believe me when I tell you that I wish there was something that I could do to make all of this go away for you. You know that I'd do it, don't you?"

"Yes, sir," I quietly said, "But there's nothing that anyone can do, and now I'm going to look like this for a long time...a real long time."

"You're going to be alright, Jake," he told me, "I swear to God almighty that you are."

"I know that, too, Dad," I said, "But I just need some time to learn how to deal with all of this, alright?"

"You take all the time you need, son," he replied, very gently hugging me again, "Me, your Mom, and your sisters are right here for you, and we're never going to leave you...not ever."

~~~~~~

Because I'd had a cap on my head and had worn it backwards on the day of the fire, I'd not lost any hair in the accident, only singed the ends of it. And because of the fact that my hands were covering my eyes when the flaming piece of ceiling fell on me, both of my eyebrows were still in tact.

However, the whole left side of my face, including my cheek and ear, down my neck and shoulder; including the upper half of my left arm, and shoulder, as well as the left side of my ribcage all the way to my waist, had all been badly burned, and therefore, were horribly scarred.

~~~~~~

I'd received all kinds of cards and letters during the whole time that I'd been in the hospital, but I refused to have any visitors back then, because I didn't want them to see the shape that I was in at the time. Everyone, my friends, etc, all understood, and at my request, stayed away. Still though, when it came right down to it, I was terrified, and didn't want anyone to see what I thought was a grotesquely hideous face.

~~~~~~

TWO MONTHS LATER

My hair had grown back out and was long enough by then that I could comb it over to one side to try and hide the scars on my face, but not totally. And while they both got mad as hell because they thought that I didn't want to see them anymore, Mom and Dad explained to my sisters that I was trying to get well enough before I came home to face them.

I think they also might have explained to them the very fragile mental state that I was in back then, too. And because they are, to this day, two of the sweetest, most beautiful girls I know, they respected my wishes at that time and stayed away until Doctor Ashlyn said that I was able to come home.

~~~~~~

Once I got home, I didn't know what to expect, and I was very afraid of having to face not only my friends, but also the rest of the people that I went to school with as well. And because I waited a week after my release from the hospital before I went back to school, my sisters, who were tickled shitless to have me home, both honored my request that they not tell anyone I was home yet. Still though, when I finally went back to school that following Monday; the reception that I received ended up bringing tears to my eyes again, however; they were happy tears this time.

I arrived at school a little late that morning, because I had to stop by the pharmacy and pick up a prescription that Doctor Ashlyn had called in for me the night before. However, the moment I pulled into the senior parking lot, my principle, Mr. John Pierce, met me at my car.

I thought I was in trouble for being late when he halfway glared at me, and then with a very stern tone of voice, he said, "Would you come with me right now, Mister Benson?"

"Yes sir," I said, "I'm sorry I'm late, Mister Pierce."

"We'll talk about that later," he said, "Just come with me."

~~~~~~

I knew something was up when he led me into the gymnasium where it was so dark that I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. Suddenly the lights came on, and I saw that the whole student body was seated in the bleachers, each one of them now on their feet, cheering and applauding loudly. The marching band began playing our school song as Mr. Pierce escorted me to a podium that had been placed at the far end of the gym.

Once he got everyone calmed down, and the band had stopped playing, Mr. Pierce stood behind the microphone, and with a giant smile on his face, said, "Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, let's give a warm welcome back to our hometown hero, Jacob, "Jake" Benson," and then everyone rose back to their feet again, clapping their hands, while whistling and cheering.

Then Mr. Pierce got everyone to take theirs seats again, and then into the microphone atop the podium, said, "Jake, we're all very proud of you, but we've also been very worried about you, too, so; would you please, honor us by saying something?"

I knew that this had all been set up just for me when I looked over to my right and saw both of my parents, as well as both of my sisters sitting there in the bleachers beside the podium with proud tears raining down all four of their faces.

"Thank you all very much," I said, happy tears beginning to fill my eyes, "I didn't expect this and I can't begin to tell you what it means to see every one of you here."

"We love you, Jake," someone, a girl, from the audience, said, "We love you very much."

"Thank you," I said, slowly beginning to lose my composure, "Thank you all very much," and then I could no longer speak, as my eyes began to flood with tears to the point that I could no longer see clearly.

I was thankful that Mr. Pierce, when he realized that I was too moved to speak any further, gently took the microphone and said, "Jake and his family would like to thank each and every one of you for everything you've all done to make this happen this morning so; now I want everyone to stand up, and in an orderly manner, please go back to class."

Afterward, both Leah and Laura came running over to where I stood in order to throw their arms around me, both of them crying and telling me how much they loved me, followed by Mom and Dad, who both did the same as well. Because I know that they loved me, I didn't have the heart to tell my sisters that they were hurting me when they hugged me so; I simply smiled and let them hug me anyway.

My parents had been bringing my class work to the hospital for me so that I didn't fall behind, and when I got back to school; my teachers were all glad to see me, especially my band teacher, Mr. David Shepard, and my choir teacher, Mr. Harold Rankin.

~~~~~~

I expected my friends to act differently toward me because of my scars, but surprisingly enough, they didn't. As a matter of fact, they all told me that I shouldn't worry about hiding them behind my hair, because in their eyes, they felt that I had nothing to be ashamed of; and after my first day back, I began to wear my hair the same way I always had before the accident, parted down the middle.

It was also during my first day back at school that I discovered how much my fellow students really cared for me; because every single girl there, bar none, each hugged me and/or kissed me on the cheek and told me how glad that they were to see me back at school. It was the same thing for the guys, too, except that they all shook my hand instead and basically told me the same thing that the girls had.

Every single member of the school staff and faculty made it a point to welcome me back as well. The female teachers hugged me, and the male teachers shook my hand, and I can't remember a single time in my life where I felt more appreciated than I did that day.

However, what I thought would be the highlight of the whole day was when Robyn Beryl came to me right before third period English, crying, as she gently placed her arms around me, and then after softly kissing me on the lips, told me, "I was so afraid that I'd never see you again."

"Do you really mean that?" I asked surprised at the way she was acting just then.

"Of course I do," she sweetly replied, "You're one of my closest friends, Jake; and you always have been."

"Oh," I said, deflated, but trying not to let it show, "Well, I guess we'd better get to class, we don't want to be late."

It was at that moment that I think she discovered that I'd cared for her more than just as a friend, because she began to act differently toward me after that day, doing things like turning around and walking the other way when she saw me coming toward her down the halls at school, or ignoring me whenever we'd see each other in class. What a fucking coward she was. I mean, damn, she could have at least had the decency and the guts to tell me that she was sorry for unintentionally leading me on. I wouldn't have had any problem with that whatsoever; but no, she simply walked away and never said another word to me after that.

"Damn her," I thought, "She can kiss my ass," but I didn't mean that...not really. My feelings had been hurt, that's all.

Still though, I guess it was alright, because she was the type of girl that wouldn't want to be seen with someone who looked like I did, and now as I look back objectively on those days, I realized that she made me feel like I was never good enough for her to start with...even before the accident.

And because of that event, even though my classmates and peers showed me that they genuinely cared for my well being, I now felt lonelier than ever after that day; and it was all because I let some girl get to me.

However, something good actually happened because of that incident; I became bound and determined not to ever let anyone in that close to me again; that way they couldn't hurt me. However, little did I realize what awaited me in the not too distant future?

~~~~~~

NINE MONTHS LATER

By this time I'd graduated from high school, turned a year older and had undergone four major surgeries; making my face look noticeably different now. The major scars were nearly gone, and in their place were minor, but still noticeable traces of what once was. However, I could tell they were there and I was still very self conscious about it. I wanted to wait to go to college until after the last surgery, which would take place the day after Thanksgiving.

I'd also developed a kind and gentle connection with Dr. Ashlyn Matthews over that time period as well. I would go and have lunch with her as often as possible when her schedule allowed it. She seemed like she was always happy to see me, and of course I was always very happy to see her, as we met at least three to four times a week. Also over that period of time, and to be totally honest; I began to find that she was becoming someone whom I could reveal what was on my heart and mind without having to worry about it going anywhere else...a confidant of sorts.

With the exception of Mom and my sisters, Ashlyn was one of the few females I knew who had no problem whatsoever understanding what I was saying, unlike other girls I'd known before; and the better I got to know her, the more I came to like her.

Sure, she was almost seven years older than me, but we were nothing more than friends, regardless of the fact that I wouldn't have minded being seen with her anywhere, especially because of how beautiful I thought she was. However, I made certain that I didn't become a nuisance to her, or bother her when she was busy, but still; she always made time for me, and, she always acted like she was so happy to see me every time we met.

She even met me out for dinner one night at this place in Houston called Carabella's, which served some of the best Italian cuisine you, would ever want to eat. I'll never forget how beautiful she looked that night; and she also made it a point to let me know how dashingly handsome she thought that I looked in the new suit I'd worn that night as well.

We talked about all kinds of different things that evening, and we never once felt uncomfortable around one another, not ever. I knew that there was no future between us, or at least that's what I thought at the time so; I had no problem telling her my deepest, darkest secrets.

"You've never talked to me about your life," I asked her that evening, "That's not fair considering you know practically everything about mine, Ashlyn."

"Alright, I'll tell you, Jake," she knowingly smiled, finally giving in, "I recently met this guy that I really like, but I'm a little bit afraid of him."

"You shouldn't be afraid of him," I told her, "Especially if you like him...well, unless he's some kind of bad boy asshole that all of the pretty girls like to go out with. He's not like that is he?"

"No," she sweetly smiled, as I noticed a faint, but very special sparkle in her eyes as she talked about him, "And as far as being afraid of him is concerned, it's not that I'm really afraid of him. It's just that I'm afraid of making the wrong move and risk losing him as a friend because I really like this guy. Besides, I know that if he and I were ever given the right opportunity, there is nothing that we couldn't accomplish together."

"So, tell him," I gently urged her, "And if he's really the nice guy that you say he is, he'll either take you up on your offer, or he won't. But I also think that if he doesn't, he's crazy not to want to be with a woman who's as beautiful and as sweet as you are. What do you think?"

"You're a sweetie, is what I think," Ashlyn brightly smiled, "I can't understand why the girls your age aren't fighting each other for the chance to go out with you, Jake."