Joad in February

So far, no one other than the authorities had connected Linda or me with the murder. But I thought that would change in time.

Joan Drake was a nifty looking blonde of maybe 45 years. She was also quite sharp, just as my friend said. I told her the story from the start, and gave her a copy of the ambulance report. She was appalled. She stared at me. I looked back at her and simply said that police had a copy of the security video, and that it had not been tampered with and showed absolutely no one coming or going between when I arrived home and when the police came. I asked her to get my computer back, because I needed it for work. I gave her a retainer and listened as she called the police station and asked for Detective Asper.

'Hi Detective,' she said. 'It's Joan Drake. I'm calling for Tom Joad. I want to see if I can get his work computer back......'

'No, I think you've had enough time to see if it had been altered. You know it hasn't.'

'Okay, I'll send someone tomorrow morning to get it from you.....'

'No, I'll send someone from the office, he won't be coming.'

I held up my hand. I mouthed, 'I'll get it.' She nodded.

'Okay, he'll be there. 900.'

When she was off the phone I told her that I wouldn't talk to the cops, and that I'd have a phone with me to record the discussions, if any.

I left.

That afternoon the girls got home from school and immediately asked about Linda. I'd called the doctor earlier, and there was no real change. They got busy with their homework. Later we had pizza delivered. I told them that if their mom didn't come home soon, I'd have to learn how to cook. That got a laugh. (But I am really a good cook -- just never did it at home much.)

When her sister went upstairs Laura asked me if I could forgive mom for having sex with another guy.

'Maybe, I said. 'I really don't know. Right now I just want her to get better.'

The land line rang then. It was Jim Beamon, from the newspaper.

'Mr. Joad? Jim Beamon here from the Trib.'

'Hello.'

'We have information that it was your wife Linda who was with Marc Stevens when he was killed. Can you confirm that?'

'I'd like that not to become public. I have two youngsters in school and they'd have to be removed maybe if that came out.'

Jim said, 'So you do confirm that. How do you feel about the death of your wife's lover?'

'I see where you're going with this. If something you publish results in some harm to my family, I will act against you and your paper.'

'This is gonna come out Mr. Joad. I can't help that.'

I looked out the window and saw a TV truck parked in front of the house. Channel 7.

I said, 'I see a TV truck, I guess you're right. Shit. Sorry, I have to go.'

A knock came at the door. I looked at the camera and saw a young woman there with a mic.

I spoke over the intercom.

'Go away, you're trespassing and I WILL call the police.'

'Is your wife there Mr. Joad?'

I called the local precinct and told them I need help getting the press off my front porch. And they did respond and take what was now a group of six people off the porch. But they didn't go far. There were four trucks now. I called the doctor and told her to get some security on Linda before the press barged in.

I spoke to the girls and told them that I thought they might be staying with me at another spot, and doing school differently. But they said they wanted to keep going to school, even if they had to live at another place. I said I'd think it over.

I called my lawyer. Joan, and asked her advice. She said that she would issue a statement to the press if I wanted, to see if that took the heat off. We arranged that.

The statement was issued through her office and said that my family would like to be allowed to go on with daily life. It said that I had no comment on the rumors about my wife, and would not have any comment in the future. It said that continued presence of media outside the house would be actionable if it harmed the family, and that we would appreciate it if the trucks left.

Meanwhile, Det. Asper and her commander announced a press conference for 700pm.

I watched.

The police said that Marc Stevens had been attacked outside his home, and killed with some sort of sharp object. It said that while there was a woman inside the house at the time, there was no indication that she witnessed the attack.

It said that the investigation was ongoing.

The first question was whether the woman was married and if her husband was a suspect.

Det. Asper said, 'Since you all know her name, I assume that you know that she is married. But we have conducted a thorough investigation of him, and there is no indication whatsoever that he was involved in the attack. In fact, he appears to have been at his home all night, some distance away from the scene.'

A reporter piped up, 'What about other women? Married women? Their husbands?'

'We have systematically investigated claims that Mr. Stevens regularly seduced married women, and have found that there is some truth to that. In fact, he seems to have spirited several married women off while their husbands were present. So, we are investigating that aspect.'

Commander Johnson interrupted the proceedings, 'That's all for now. If we have anything else before our Wednesday briefing, we will let you know.'

And the police left amid shouting.

I made arrangements with the girls' school to have their work dropped off here, or sent by computer for the next few days. I called Linda's parents and told them to watch out for the press, but none were there so far. They had also disappeared from our street.

On Tuesday the doctor called and said that Linda had become responsive and that the police were with her. I told her parents. And I packed up the girls to take them to the hospital.

By the time we got there the police were just leaving. Det. Asper said that she'd like to talk to me when we finished seeing her. I said okay.

Linda seemed dazed still. She greeted the girls with a smile and hugged them. But she really didn't look at me. The girls told her about the TV trucks, and about school. But Linda then seemed to doze off. And the doctor said we should let her sleep.

Her parents were outside and spoke to the girls while I went to Det. Asper.

'She seems to be on the way back' said Asper.

'Maybe. Dunno really.'

'Are you going to take her home?'

'Until she recovers and then I'm sure we'll be separated.'

Asper said, 'I think you should cut her a break. What more punishment could she get than what happened?'

'Not a matter of punishment. It's a matter of respect, and trust. I'll never trust her and I'll never respect her. And, she may never respect me either.'

Asper smiled, 'She might fear you. She might not trust you, either.'

'You're just trying to bait me. You know full well I had nothing to do with Stevens getting attacked.'

'I know you have an army background. I know that your reputation in the service was formidable. So, maybe some regular guy couldn't have done this, but maybe you could have done it.'

'I didn't. Period.'

'We have home security video from Stevens' house, you know.'

'Not my problem. I wasn't there.'

'Be seeing you around.' It came out like a threat.

Linda gradually regained some semblance of normal behavior in the next few days. I took the girls each day, but didn't spend much time in the room with them.

On the fourth day Linda was to be discharged. She asked to speak to me alone, and I sent the girls out.

'I'm sorry for what I did, embarrassing you like that.'

'I don't think an apology will cut it, Linda. I can't tell you how demeaning to me it was. Now it's national news.'

'I'd like to come home when I get released this afternoon.'

She sat up on the bed, and moved to a chair.

'Can I come home?'

'You know, there are media and they'll follow you out of here. I don't want the girls' lives disrupted any further.'

'Maybe I can sneak out.'

I took a long look at her, then. 'You're good at sneaking out, for sure.'

She didn't look up.

I said, 'I'll check with security. I can't say that I want to be around you, but maybe for now I have little choice.'

'I didn't mean for you to be hurt. I thought you loved me and could get past it. Or, really, I didn't think about that at all.'

'Did he fuck you?'

'No. We were naked in the bed when the commotion started.'

I stared at her, and knew full well she was lying.

'See, I can't say I believe you, or would believe anything you told me. Really I can't ever trust you again. But we can see how things go.'

'Okay. I love you.'

I just turned and walked out. I went to the hospital security office and arranged for a car to pick Linda up behind the building, and take her to my house. That was set up for 400 pm. It went off without a hitch, and she arrived home about 445. The kids and her parents were there with me.

I had set up a bed in my office for myself. Linda would sleep in our room.

The rest of the day was very awkward, to say the least. Her parents didn't quite know how to approach the whole situation. Linda and her mom and the kids played monopoly in the living room.

Her dad wanted to talk, and so we went to the patio.

John asked, 'What are you going to do, Tom?'

'I don't really know, but the odds are that we're finished.'

'You should try to forgive. You've loved each other for so long, and you have a wonderful family.'

'I know. But I am questioning whether we actually have loved each other for so long. If she loved me, she would never have done that.'

'She said they didn't have intercourse.

'That's what she said. How am I to know? She was there with him quite a while.'

'Does it really make any difference? She would have done it, and we all know that.'

'Well, it might make a difference if he didn't use protection. She might have a disease, or be pregnant.'

'Shit.' The thought didn't please him.

'For now she can stay here. But you might want to look for some other solution soon.'

We went back inside and all ate pizza. Her parents went home. As far as I know they did not discuss the Marc stuff with her.

As we were putting the girls to bed, Laura asked Linda why she went to have sex with Marc.

'I'm so sorry. I was weak and wrong.'

'But I don't understand. He's just a football player. I looked him up. He's not our Daddy.'

'No, he's not. I'll talk to you about his later, when I figure out more.'

The girls went to bed, and Linda went downstairs to the kitchen. I followed about ten minutes later. Meanwhile I made a call to my public defender friend, and asked him about the autopsy report. He said it was also a public document, and I asked him to get it if he could.

Linda was drinking a Pepsi. She had been discouraged from alcohol because it might cause her to relapse.

She asked. 'Are you sleeping in our room?'

'No, the office.'

'Well, you're welcome any time.'

'We'll just have to see. Right now I don't see a way forward for us, but this all just happened this week.'

'I can be patient.'

'Really? I hadn't noticed.'

I climbed up to my office and went to bed. I didn't sleep so well, and got up at 500am. I made coffee. My buddy had sent me a copy of Stevens' autopsy, fresh off the presses. I read it carefully, especially the analysis of the injuries.

The ME had swabbed his penis and scrotum. She found evidence of ejaculate and female excretions. Samples were sent for lab analysis.

It sure looked as if Linda had lied when she said they hadn't had intercourse. I never believed that, because of the timing. She'd been there for about two hours before the killing.

When she came down, we got the girls off to school, almost like normal. They were a bit subdued, though, when I drove them.

I spent a good amount of time reviewing my options. If it hadn't been for Linda's illness, I would never have let her back into the house. But there were advantages to allowing that, including making things a little easier on the girls, if things settled down.

Just as I came into the house another TV truck pulled up outside and a young woman got out and shouted at me, asking if Linda was at home, and if I forgave her.

I smiled, waved, and warned her not to come onto the property. I went inside.

Linda had made some biscuits, and offered me one, which I took.

'There's a TV truck outside. They don't know you're here, and maybe they shouldn't.'

'What do they want? They already published my name and what I was doing at his house. Can they do any more harm?'

'I'm sure they can think of something.'

I looked at her. 'I've been considering what to do about you, or about us. I'd like you to write down for me exactly what happened last Friday, from when the jerk walked up to us until you were in the hospital. It doesn't have to be right now, but soon, if possible. If it's too traumatic, skip part and come back later.

'I'll try. I also have to call work and see if I still have a job.'

'Why would they fire you? For cheating on me? Why would they care?'

'Well, I've been off for a week.'

She called and was told she could put the week on her sick leave, and next week on her vacation time. The she went to her bedroom, and sat at the desk, typing on her computer. I left her alone and went to my office, where I began to research the autopsy material. I made sure that I would get the results of the tests done, but maybe not for another few days.

Linda was trying to behave normally around me, that was clear. But I thought that she had to have some questions about what happened.

Our routine continued for two days, until I got the test results from the autopsy. Linda's DNA, sexual secretions, was identified on Stevens' penis. So she lied about the sex, for sure. I was waiting to see what she wrote to me about what happened. But I just couldn't see continuing life with her as my wife.

After dinner the next day Linda came into my home office.

'I finished writing. Here.' She handed me a printout.

I read what she wrote:.

Tom, I'm so sorry for my weakness. When Marc asked me to dance, I was so thrilled. He was captivating and with such a reputation. When we were dancing, I didn't really think of anything else. When the slow number came up, I just found myself at his mercy. He pulled me to himself, and he was big and hard. Honestly, I would have fucked him right there. I don't know why he was so attractive to me, but he was.

He told me to slip out the side door, and we'd go to his place. He said I'd have the sexual experience of my life. I believed him.

When the dance ended I went back to our table, and you weren't there. I arranged to go to the women's room with J. When you came back, I could see that you were really angry. But I thought that you'd get over it in time, and I wanted Marc so much. So I went out the side door, and we drove to his house.

He kissed me as soon as we got inside, and he picked me up and carried me upstairs to his bed. He fucked me. Then I sucked him clean and he fucked me again. As we were finishing that, the car alarm went off. He put on a robe and went. He told me to wait there.

I looked out the window, but I could not see over the porch roof. I saw someone running away, dressed in black. The person jumped the fence. I found a robe and went down to the front door. He was lying in the drive. I ran to him. His head was bashed in. I was...well, I was in some sort of trance. Just stunned and shocked. I felt guilty, as if it was all my fault for sinning. The police came. And I remember being in the hospital.

I'm so sorry for it all. I love you and I don't know why I did what I did. Linda

I looked up at her. She had tears running down her face.

'Tom, were you the person who I saw?'

'I was here all night drinking. Regretting the end of my marriage and the changes that had to come with my family. I had hate. But surely the police told you that I was here. They have the security tape.'

'That's what they said when I asked. But.....'

'No buts. I can tell you that I believe Stevens got what he deserved.'

'No, Tom. He didn't deserve that. He was nice.'

'And he rocked your world, eh?'

'Tom, we don't need to go there.'

'Why not? I want you to know that I will never be able to love you again, not like I did. Maybe not at all. The person I thought I married would never have done what you did. Was it worth it? Was the sex worth what you lost? What he lost?'

'You know, the sex was really spectacular. But not worth what happened. If we could have had the night, and me come home the next day, well, maybe. But he's dead, and I'm screwed up for good.'

'Yep.'

'You killed him.' She turned and ran out of the room.

'No, you killed him,' I muttered.

After that, our relationship was really cold. I determined not to try to convince her that I was innocent, and not to try to make up to her in any way. Of course, I would never admit to her what happened. I assumed that if I did that, she'd tell the cops right away. She was a woman not to be trusted at all. She had just told me that if Stevens hadn't been killed her slut night would have been worth the consequences. Maybe not in those words, but still....

I filed for divorce a few weeks later. I asked for custody of the kids, so they could stay in the house. Linda still had her job, so I asked for no alimony, but also no child support, and liberal visitation.

Linda had recovered sufficiently that I insisted that she move out. She went to stay with her parents. I had her served there. Soon after her father called. He wanted me to withdraw the papers, said Linda was distraught.

I told him that she deserved to be distraught, and she should get a lawyer. He was quite angry, but I didn't know if he was angry with me or her. He asked about visitation and I told him that she could come over any night and stay until they went to bed.

Linda was over the next day at 500. I had cooked macaroni and cheese and we ate with the girls. We played some board games with them, and put them to bed. After that Linda wanted to talk, but I didn't.

'We need to work this out, Tom. It won't be good for the girls for us to be apart.'

'They'll have to adjust. You can get a place where they can visit. The sooner we work out the divorce, the sooner you can have a visitation schedule.'

'Please, I don't want a divorce. I made a mistake. Okay, a big mistake, but I love you.'

'No way we stay married after you openly fucked that asshole. Forget it and move on.'

Linda began tearing up. Not sobbing, but just quietly crying. I did feel sorry for her, but not sorry enough to change my mind. We were toast.

The divorce went through. We worked out a joint custody agreement, and Linda had an apartment with a big second bedroom for the girls. The two of us settled into a distant, but amicable relationship, focused on the girls.

After about four months, I began to date. Women from our circle, and from work knew that I was unattached, and I seemed to attract their attention. When Linda had the girls, I brought several women home for the night. None of them lasted too long, though. But the sex was usually good, and sometimes great. I stayed away from married women, although some of them seemed anxious to bed me. But after my experience, I thought it immoral to do that.

Linda was good with the girls, and not so good by herself. She was taking anti-depressants, and sleeping a lot. But she managed to go to work and do her job. I was told by her parents and the girls that she was not dating.

TEN YEARS ON:

Shellie went off to college today. Laura was to go to her junior year. The two of them had gotten used to the joint custody arrangement, and seemed to do quite well. They both dated in high school, and, I assume, in college for Laura,