All Comments on 'Hi Sweetheart'

Still got the touch! I'm glad to see Jeff Landry made an appearance.

5

EXCELLENT!! And it sucked, for him. It needs to be finished, sir. You do still have the touch. I hate sad, or unhappy endings. But 4.5 stars for the content. The Bear needs closure, please.

The BEAR

Very good. I would like to have heard the discussion when he got home. 4 stars

Slick plot twist - one of the best I’ve read in months! 4.4*

Very nice. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Glen’s unwittingly the splashback victim of his own prank. A shower indeed - a cold one that is, to thrust him into the hard reality of his and Laci’s new existence. A compelling little tragedy. A JB44 day is, as always, a special treat. Thanks much.

Oh, shit!

Good read.

For a minute there I thought it might be Laci at the door saying April Fools back

Once a again you write a good story. If I had any criticism it would be it's length. It was so short, would have loved to see it as one of the longer fleshed out stories that you have written in the past.

It was an introduction to a story. I'll rate it when its finished, look forward to part 2.

What a fun story to read.Thanks.

Ed

Too bad you can't write what you like and still make it enjoyable for the reader. This sucked, 1 star.

Short.

Nothing much.

3 stars

Enjoyed it, and it was a very nicely done short story. But this begs for more.

Ordinarily I'd give this 3 stars for zero punishment for her, but first, it's a short story (not sure it's 750 or not but still short) which both gives it extra bonus in my eyes AND gives it an excuse for lack of ending; and secondly, the method of discovery of cheating is, while not 100% unique, still pretty original for LW stories. 4.5 stars, and I'm hoping you would be inspired to write a BTB ending to this, if the muse strikes you.

You should do part 2 but from the wife

What did this prove? That he lied and she got caught lying?

Novel form of discovery. A somewhat confusing start, but story was good.

To be sure it is not my penis that is swollen what with that kind of a short story. But hey it is your story so boo hoo me.

The sexually insecure little boys will not be happy until you write some BTB trash to end it

There is an undercurrent within his reaction that suggests he wasn't 100% surprised. Interesting story. Ignore the critics who want every story to be the same "...gotta have this... gotta have that." This covered the bases nicely.

I kept waiting, and sure enough you delivered! Thanks for the story.

This was a good read! Thank you!

I really enjoyed this one. Checked all the boxes.

Clever!

Another great one from the master

fun

and then what happens????? 🙃

Well written flash story. Ignore those that say you need to finish up more details. You already included all the details that matter to the story, and that is perfect.

Nice teaser. Well delivered. Begs for full blown development. Please.

All the best,

Dave

Badly written and almost unreadable, without context.

Well written, but not much depth. Left me wanting more details.

Excellent twist! I was thinking “ who would choose applecider viniger over balsamic if they had both? No cook would do that “. Nice little hint as to the fact that she wasn’t at home!

Always a great, nuanced tale from JimBob. Loved it.

FYI on small detail... When there are two they are called "pigtails" not two "ponytails."

Should be in the Humor Category.

I liked it and understand in a quick short story you do leave a bunch out. Point was an April fools joke uncovered her cheating. Now he has to decide what to do next and I don't mean Shower or Nap.

Well done.

I bet he keeps her. Just saying.

@Just_Words, I don't know that he wasn't surprised. He said that he was expecting that she'd turn around in their kitchen and see that he wasn't there.

Very poor. Boring as hell. Good thing you write for yourself……

.

2 **

I hate 750 word stories they all seem like outlines not stories

Great story, great characters! Five stars! Thanks Jimbob.

Poor Glen. He tries to do right after seeing what a man whore his daddy was, but gets blind sided by his own wife being a whore. Wouldn't be surprised if his old man was nailing his wife. As always 5/5 stars for your realistic stories. Sometimes realistic is not a happy ending.

Dewey Cheatham

The story is too short. Others may congratulate you on how well it was written considering it's brevity. I can understand 750 word stories, because of the limitations. But this had no limitations imposed. So, just too short to be a satisfying read. Three stars for an Average story. Could have been two.

JPB NOT BOB

Well written, just wishing we had the whole story.

If we are using baseball idioms. You stranded the runner between third and home.

Thanks for a great story

Would have given 5*, but you know......' April Fools'......

So how does being upset and potentially divorcing a cheating wife make these men insecure little boys.

Big ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I guess that I’m supposed to have any idea what or who these people are and what they are doing. but maybe I have to read more of your stuff to know what you have going on. But I’m just not sure if it’s worth the effort. Personally I’m just not going to do it. Maybe finish the story and stop with the flash projects!

Flash story? Sorry, it was more of splash story. Kind of like the sound made when you use the outhouse on a houseboat. I normally like your stories but for my taste this one was a little sour. 2-stars.

Burnt her sorry ass.

Nicely done. 5*

That was a good story Bob!

Only one word.. Ouch... Good read though ☺️

I liked this, very different story then most in here. I feel sorry for them both, but was entertaining to read

Well look at it this way, he gets rid of those unsightly, stumpy legs.

Almost useless and unreadable little fragment of some undefined tale.

Good, but I prefer the JB44’s five or six page stories. This is just a taste that makes you want the complete meal.

FTDS...or dont bother

Excellent story

I’m with the @LT56linebacker

The Bear needs closure….so do I

Love ' fiveplant1's ' comment below.

This story, loved it really loved it, but, it’s just too short

Very much enjoyed this vignette.

It had all the elements necessary to tell the story.

Kudos!

I've seen a lot of stories on here that could have been so much better had they not been 750 word stories. This one of them....

Huh? What?

How about a WHOLE story next time?

Good start, I hope you or someone adds more

Nice beginning for a story

This shortshort is moderately OK in itself. But being already in a bad mood today I was rather frustrated, when the author's note was nearly as long as the whole story. Really? As if anyone would be interested in reading a long list of stories, where each and every character makes any kind of appearance? Author's hubris? READ MY OTHER STORIES, or else? Do I have to read 424 other stories as of today to understand all cross-references? Would I even want to? Grumble, grumble...

Dave Chapelle:

'GOT YA BI*T**H!

Great story with an excellent twist to it. Don't listen to anonymous, I like the bibliographic aspect of your notes and being able to relate the characters to other stories.

Short and sweet like shredded wheat .

Opps! Still, better he knows and she knows it’s over. 5*

I will admit that the story most certainly fits the rules and spirit of the April fools they contest; it also provides one major and one minor April Fools speed bump, one for Glenn's wife and one from Glenn's supervisor. However, there are some things that stand out in the story and things that could have been done to improve it.

***

The obvious thing is the story lacks sufficient length, as I could actually see this only having to go 2 pages to more fully flesh out these ideas. The story could have had g l e n draw out more of the possible scenario, and maybe even gotten a few more details out of her.. which could have either set up for a really interesting divorce that would have put her in her place for cheating; but just in general, it's too short. Additionally, there are some items in here that no reader needs to know about: for one, where Laci got the thick cut bacon is completely irrelevant to the story; also, the fact that Laci's face turned into an impish smile when he wasn't on a video chat with her.. as necessary as maybe a few people might find that.. is also completely unneeded, because unless they're doing FaceTime, skype, or a zoom call no one is going to know if she's smiling or not. It would have definitely added tons had he actually gone home and been in the kitchen and maybe done something like okay what pan are you using, what utensils have you pulled out.. that would have been kind of comical if she would have named all these different items than what he knows she would normally use. Also the very fact about her going through the entire ingredient list for recipe was something that should have just been cut down and in favor of more detail to either set her up for a spectacular face plant, or to establish more sympathy for Glen on the reader's part. The other significant issue is that had she drunk a lot, she would still be experiencing remnants of a hangover, having to take aspirin and having to drink lots of water or drink black coffee. So if we assume she was so blitzed that she was still totally out of it when he left, then that would have made either a very literal event that did happen true or his comical and sarcastic attempt at saying he took advantage all the more impactful. However that's actually some meat missing from this meal, that would have added more richness to this account.

***

Maybe one of these days I will catch one of your stories that is actually quite a bit longer, more developed and that gives me a different impression than the ones I've read to date. But what I read now, since it had nothing to do with the 750-word project, is once more way too short to be considered a complete work; there's just no other way to put it. It just simply has to be more effort placed in the details, or the story development, whatever you want to call it. The best I can rate this is a 2.

I thought it was pretty good how he trapped her but I don't recall any set up for why he was suspicious of her or did he find out by accident with the attempted April Fools joke, mabe that was it and her feeling guilt caused the impromptu confession? Well written though but my undevious mind is not very sleuthfull in solving these very subtle mysteries.4 stars

I remember when the author formally known as JimBob actually wrote some entertaining stories.

How the mighty have fallen.

That was a nice little snack.

Maybe a second part to fill in where needed. Looking forward to part 2.

Thank you.

I had remembered JimBob stories and loved them, this one left me feeling completely confused 🫤

dgfergie:

he wasnt trying to set her up it was a legit phone call to his with he then decided to say apirl fools when she looked around to se if he was there. it was written i guess u skipped read. guess that was ur loss.

Quick and to the point - interesting tak on April’s Fool joke!

Not enough meat for anything other than sadness. 1*

And THAT is why I n e v e r pull an April Fools on anyone. That was a freaking kick in the balls, eh?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ More if I could get away with it

An excellent beginning, but it left me feeling like I was watching a lit firework sputter out.

Thanks for lighting the fuse anyway.