by StoryTeller07
didn't like it, you mention the boy toy then had the women rambling about crap, you didn't write anything about how the boy toy got them to have sex with them or why they were together chatting, other than them finding out he was fucking all of them, how did they find that out? you should have had them plotting to get even with him, nothing erotic about this story, gave it a one star and that was even too good for this story, trash it and start again.
You are right. I was being too clever. Trying hard with dialogue to build a story. The next chapters explain what happened, but the low score put me off continuing. At least it was a good lesson on what not to do.