Conversations With a Loving Wife 02

OK. For something totally different -- at least from me. I like to occasionally try to broaden my writing style. My attempt here is to tell a full story by just using conversations. There will be no background, narration, or descriptions here that are not from one of the characters talking. In other words, the only character building and descriptions will be when one person is telling another about them. I'm not sure that I will succeed in this. Yes, there are holes in the story. Use your imagination. There is no sex in this story. No one under the age of 18 (or anyone else for that matter) is engaged in any sexual activity. Yes, that's redundant, but rat poison comes with a warning label not to eat it for a reason.

There was quite a bit of flak from people that didn't like that I turned the husband into a pathetic alcoholic and killed him off in my first 'Conversations' story. I did that because I wanted to show how devastated he was that the person who he thought was his soul mate completely destroyed everything that he lived for. This time, I'm trying something else.

Yes, it is unrealistic. Yes, it's stupid. I wrote it because it was fun to write. If you are one of those technical nitpickers, Swipe left. Yes, you will waste half an hour and lose IQ points reading this. Don't bother commenting on that, I already know. Those of you still here, abandon reality and enjoy a bit of humor.

Cast:

Jennifer Jones -- Loving wife, mother, and bitch.

Jeff Jones -- Doting husband and father.

William Smith -- Snake (Also known as Asswipe, Fuckface, Dick Head,... You get the idea.)

Ingrid Smith -- Wife of Jeff.

John Jones -- 18-year-old son of Jennifer and Jeff.

Gerry Jones -- 21-year-old daughter of Jennifer and Jeff

Mary Smith -- 16-year-old daughter of Ingrid and William.

Emily Smith -- 18-year-old daughter of Ingrid and William.

Georgann (Georgie) Emmerson -- Jennifer's mother.

Conversations of a Loving Wife:

[Ringtone - We're here at the station and you're getting on

And all I can think of is thank God and Greyhound you're gone]

"Hello."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? DIVORCE PAPERS? YOU HAD ME SERVED WITH DIVORCE PAPERS AT WORK?"

"Well, hello, Jenifer. I take it that you have been served, then."

"WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? A DIVORCE? WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?"

[laughing] "Wow. I really find it funny that YOU are accusing ME of cheating. No, I have never cheated on you. Although, I have had several offers, I believe in the vows we made to forsake all others. Pity that you didn't."

"Uuuummmm, what do you mean, dear? I've never cheated on you, that's why this is such a surprise."

"Perhaps you should look at what was included in the envelope. Maybe that will help jog your memory."

"Look. I'm going to take the rest of the day off and come right home. We can sit down and discuss this before things get out of hand."

"Well, it is probably already too late, but if you can get a ride here, that will be fine."

"What do you mean 'get a ride?"

"It's not too complicated. Get. A. Ride. As in find someone to drive you, call a taxi, Uber, or Lyft."

"You didn't."

"The car that you drive -- which is in my name -- is sitting here in the garage. I will sell it to you for fair market value, if you are interested."

"You bastard! How am I supposed to get home now?"

"Easy. You can ride home with your boss."

"Like he's going to drive half an hour out of his way to drop me off?"

"Uuummm, no. You didn't hear what I just said. I said, you can ride home with your boss. That means that your boss can take you home with him. You no longer live here."

"What the fuck? Where am I supposed to live? What about all my stuff? Besides, I can't go home with him. He lives with his wife and daughters. Look, OK. You have hard evidence, so I won't bother to deny it. Yes, I had a brief fling with William. It's over now. It was just a brief fling. Please, let me come home and we can discuss it. At least give me a few days to pack up and find somewhere to go."

"No. I don't care if it was just one time. You deliberately cheated on me. That is a dealbreaker. I will never forgive that. As for packing and finding someplace to go, that's already done. The movers should be pulling up to your new residence momentarily."

"Packed? Movers? New residence,,,,,, OH SHIT! YOU DIDN'T! Fuck!"

Line goes dead.

[Default ringtone]

"Jeff Jones, how may I help you?"

"Uuumm, Mr. Jones? My name is Ingrid Smith."

"Oh. Yes, Mrs. Smith. How may I help you?"

"Well, perhaps you can explain why there is a moving truck at my house delivering a bunch of women's belongings. The movers said that I was to call you with any questions. They are waiting for me to allow them into the house and show them where to put everything. Quite frankly, I'm more than a little confused."

"I take it they haven't given you the envelope yet?"

"No. Hold on." Mumbling in the background. "OK. They just handed me an envelope. Now, will you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Of course. First off, that envelope is all the documentation, photos, and videos of my soon-to-be ex-wife and your husband's affair. The moving truck contains all of her personal property. I figured that since she was fucking your husband and not me, she might as well just move in with him. Just show them which room she will be staying in, and they will take care of everything."

"I have a better idea. I'm going to have them pack up the asshole's shit with hers, and they can take it wherever they will be living. It isn't going to be here."

William's door slams open.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Jenifer? What's wrong?"

"Oh, fuck! This is a disaster. Jeff found out somehow."

"Oh shit. How much does he know?"

"Enough, but it's exponentially worse than that."

"Did he tell my wife?"

"I don't think so, but it doesn't matter."

"Of course, it matters! If she finds out..."

"She will shortly, and not in a good way."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Jeff packed up all my shit and had it shipped to YOUR HOUSE! The movers will be at your house to move me in shortly, if they aren't there already."

"William?"

"William!"

"WILLIAM!!!" [SMACK] (Jenifer's right hand slaps William's face)

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"I NEEDED TO WAKE YOU UP. You zoned out there."

"Oh, shit."

[Wind Beneath My Wings ringtone]

"Shit. That's my wife."

"Maybe the movers haven't gotten there yet. See if you can get her out of the house for a while. I'll borrow a car and go over to your house. When the movers get there, I'll just take them to a storage facility and unload there."

"OK. Wait. Why would you need to borrow a car, and where will you live?"

"Jeff took my car back this morning. I'll have to get a motel room until I can find something else. Now answer your phone before she hangs up."

"Hi sweetie. Sorry, you're catching me in the middle of a small crisis."

"Oh. Does that crisis happen to have anything to do with where you want the movers to deliver your shit?"

"Uuummm, what do you mean, Dear?"

"Well, I don't believe I stuttered. I asked if the crisis you are dealing with has anything to do with WHERE. YOU. WANT. THE. MOVERS. TO. TAKE. YOUR. SHIT."

"Sweetheart, why would movers be taking anything of ours anywhere?"

"Before I answer that, would you happen to have any idea why your secretary's husband would send a moving truck with all her stuff to MY house?"

"I assure you that I have no idea about that."

"Oh. So, I can assume that you can explain all these pictures and videos of you fucking that slut then?"

"P-p-p-pictures and v-v-v-videos?"

"In living color and high definition."

"Ingrid, it's not...."

"What it looks like, dear? Well, if it isn't you fucking all three holes of that skank, perhaps you could tell me exactly what else it could be. Oh, wait. There is audio as well. I can't wait to hear your pillow talk."

[GROAN]

"Anyway, the movers have just about gotten all your shit loaded up. I'm sending them over to the storage company on fifth street. I suggest that you call over there and rent a locker, otherwise, they will probably just dump yours and Jennifer's shit out on the side of the street."

"Ingrid. Please, can we talk about this? I'll be there in 20-minutes."

"Seriously? It will take at least 20-minutes for an Uber just to get to the office. Besides, you and that slut need to pack up your shit from your offices. You're both fired!"

"What are you talking about? I'm the President of the company. You can't fire me."

"Aren't you forgetting something? It was my father's company. When he died, I inherited it. That makes me the owner. Remember the prenup you signed? My trust fund, as well as the company are excluded from community property. Oh, and that little clause about infidelity? I will be enforcing that as well. The car you drive belongs to the company. As you are no longer employed with said company, you no longer have that car. Furthermore, that 1968 GTO that you bought two years ago IS community property. Per the prenup Infidelity clause, I am taking that as well."

"But, but, but..."

"Sorry, but I made a deal with the slut's husband. I either fire you both, or he will sue the company for not enforcing the morals clause in the company handbook. Now, Get busy. Security should be there momentarily to make sure that you don't take any company property, then they will escort both of you off property." [CLICK -- DIALTONE]

[Your Cheating Heart -- ringtone]

"Hello, Mother. Why am I not surprised that you are calling?"

"Gerry, dear. I need your help."

"Help with what, Mother? I hope it isn't help in fucking your boyfriend."

"Geraldine! You will not speak to me in that manor. I am your mother. I insist that you be respectful to me."

"Yeeaaahh, not gonna happen. I don't respect cheaters or any other sluts and whores."

"I AM NOT A SLUT! YOU WILL BE RESPECTFUL WHEN SPEAKING TO ME!"

"Well, let's clarify that, then. Tell me, mother, did you engage in sexual relations with someone other than my father?"

"Well..."

"Did you engage in sexual relations with someone who was currently married to another person?"

"Uuumm..."

"Were these sexual relations performed while you were both employed by the same company, on company time, and on company property?"

"Well, uuummm...."

"Did you receive promotions and raises during said sexual relationships?"

"Look, Geraldine....."

"Was said sexual relationship with your boss, who was the person to make determinations on said raises and promotions?"

"Geraldine! That's not why I called...."

"OK. So, I'm sorry I called you a slut. You are obviously not a slut. Sluts give it away for free. You got paid for it. That makes you a whore."

"Gerry, please. Can we discuss this later? I really need some help here."

"Fine. What do you need?"

"I need a ride home so I can talk to your father."

"OK. Two questions, though. Where is your home? How would calling Dad from your home be any different than calling him from where you are now?"

"Gerry, I don't understand your questions. You know where our house is, and I can just sit down and talk to your father when I get there. Why would I need to call him when we would be in the same house?"

"Oh. I didn't realize that you and your boyfriend already have a house. As for that, how would I possibly know where you and Billy-boy are living since you apparently just got it. I didn't see anything about another house in the PI report that Dad showed John and me this morning."

"What are you talking about? The house your father and I live in. It's the same house you grew up in. William and I are not living together."

"No, mother. You don't live there anymore. John and I helped Dad pack up all your stuff and move it out this morning after you left for work."

"He can't do that. That house is just as much mine as it is his."

"Actually, it doesn't belong to either of you. Don't you remember when Dad started his business 12-years ago? You both signed it over to the business for tax purposes. Dad was working out of the house and garage until he needed to expand and get a real office. Since he still uses it for company purposes, and he uses it as a company asset for collateral on loans. As the sole proprietor of the business, he gets the use of the house and has final say in who has access to it. Dad has deemed that you are no longer welcome on any of his company's property."

"But where will I go?"

"In the famous words of Rhett Butler, 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn'."

[CLICK -- Dial tone]

"Gerry? Gerry. Geraldine!!! Shit. She hung up on me."

[I Want It Now -- Theme ringtone]

"Yes, Jenifer?"

"Mom. I need help."

"Well, that goes without saying, dear. I'm just glad that you have finally realized that. They do say that acceptance is the first step. Now, I think that Dr. Crenshaw would be best, but I can recommend some others if you like."

"Dr. Crenshaw? Mom, what are you talking about? Dr. Crenshaw is a psychiatrist."

"Well, of course, she is. Who better to help you with your obvious mental issues than a psychiatrist? I suppose a psychologist would help, but a psychiatrist can prescribe medications if needed."

"Mental illness? Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Well, I just assumed that you had to be mentally ill to cheat on your husband and throw away your marriage to a wonderful man like that -- especially with a scumbag like your boss."

"Oh, for Christ sake. No, Mother. I don't need a psychiatrist. I need a ride and somewhere to stay for a bit until I can talk to Jeff and get this all straightened out."

"Oh. Well, I suppose that I can come down and pick you up, but do you know where you will be staying?"

"Uuummm, I was kind of hoping that you might..."

"Oh, hell no." You are not staying here. I only have a small one-bedroom apartment. Besides, I do a bit of -- how shall I put this -- 'entertaining' at home. I'm not about to have you cramping my style."

"Uuuggg. Mom. Seriously?"

"What? Your father is gone, so I am single and lonely. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a man -- and sometimes a woman -- over. I still have desires, after all."

"Oh, God. [Shudder] Mom, TMI."

"Whatever. Perhaps you should check into a motel for a few days until you can find permanent arrangements."

20-minutes later:

"Thanks, mom. We really appreciate the ride."

"We? What's this 'we' shit? Got a mouse in your pocket?"

"Uuummm, William also needs...."

"I don't give a flying fuck what Billy-boy needs. I will not have that slimeball in my car. No telling what nasty shit he has covering him. Do you have any idea how expensive it would be to have the interior of my car completely disinfected and sterilized? If he has a pair of skates with him, I'll let him tie a rope behind the car so I can tow him, but that's the best I'm willing to do for that Asswipe."

"Sorry, William. I'll be at the Motel 6 on Water Street."

"Seriously, Mom?"

[Ringtone -- Whose bed have your boots been under]

"Hello."

"Hi Emily, it's dad. I need some help here."

"Sure dad. Hold on while I look up the local clinics."

"Clinics? Sweetie, why are you looking up clinics?"

"Well, duh. Isn't that what you called for? I assume that you wanted me to find a clinic for you to get tested for STDs."

"What?"

"Isn't that why you called? I figured that you needed to get tested. Mom has already made an appointment with her doctor."

"No. I don't need to get tested for STDs. I called you because I need A ride."

"EEEEYYYYYYUUUUUUWWWWWW! I'm your daughter! Besides, didn't your whore ride you enough?"

"WHAT? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF RIDE! Look, Emily. I'm at work, and I need a ride to a motel."

"Sorry. No can do. I'm busy helping mom disassemble the bed and throw it out so she can get a new one. Anyway, gotta go."

"Emily? Shit."

An hour later:

"Thank God. You're finally here."

[HUFF, HUFF] "couldn't get a ride. Had to walk."

"Why didn't you call an Uber?"

[HUFF] "Bitch cancelled all my cards."

"Shit. At least I still have one credit card in my own name. All the joint cards have been cancelled and half the money was taken out of my checking account."

"Fuck. OK, so how much do you have?"

"I have enough for about a week. At least we will get our last week's work and all our accrued PTO time on our last check."

"Good. We can probably survive for a couple more weeks, but we will need to get new jobs. I'm pretty sure that we won't be getting any sort of letter of recommendation, though."

One year later:

"Hello. Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?"

"Hi mom. I'd like two chicken chalupas, one beef taco salad, one large root beer, and one Mountain Dew."

"John?"

"Yep. That's me. Did you get my order?"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry, but I was just shocked to hear your voice."

"I understand. We are in kind of a hurry, though."

"Oh. OK. That will be $XX.XX."

"Cool. Thanks."

"John, why are you so dressed up, and who is that with you?"

"Didn't you hear about the wedding? Dad's getting married today. Emily and I just wanted something quick to eat since it will be a few hours before we get another chance."

"Emily?"

"Yeah. Don't you remember Emily Smith? She's one of Billy's daughters. Dad's marrying her mom this afternoon. They got together right after dad kicked you out, and then started dating. They fell in love and are getting married. I'm dad's best man, and I'm escorting Emily to the wedding."

"No. I didn't hear about it. In fact, I haven't heard from either you or your sister in almost a year."

"Yeah, well.... Uuummm, we kind of need to get going, so,,,,,"

"Fine. Here's your food. Please call me sometime."

William, a week later:

"Hello Mary. How are you doing?"

[Silence as Mary is typing on her phone]

"Uuummm, so, how is school going?"

[Silence as Mary is typing on her phone]

"Have you been looking at colleges?"

[Silence as Mary is typing on her phone]

"I've missed seeing you for the last couple months."

[Silence as Mary is typing on her phone]

"Mary, please talk to me."

"Look. The judge said that I had to come here. He said that I am obligated to grace you with my presence. He never said anything about me having to actually speak, so I am enforcing my constitutional right to silence. Let's just keep to ourselves and endure this hell for the next couple of hours until it's time for me to leave."

"But, the whole purpose of visitation is to spend time together, communicate, and build our relationship."

[HUFF] "FINE! Good. Good. Yes. Too bad. There. I answered your questions. Can I get back to the conversation I was having with Emily now?"

"You're talking to Emily? Can you tell her that I miss her and would like to see her?"

"Yes, I can. As you can no doubt see, I am fully capable of texting her."

"Will you tell her?"

"No. She doesn't want to talk to you any more than I do. Lucky for her, she is an adult, so she isn't forced to see you like I am. Thank God I only need to do this for another 5-months before I turn 18 and never need to see your sorry ass again."

4-years later at a grocery store:

"Gerry! I didn't know you were back in town. How are you doing?"

[SIGH] "I'm doing fine, mother. And, I'm not back in town. I'm only here for the graduation."

"Graduation?"

"Yes. John and Emily are both graduating from college tomorrow. I'm here picking up food for the party we're having for them tomorrow after the graduation ceremony."

"John is graduating, and I didn't get an invitation?"

"Must have got lost in the mail."

"And Emily is also graduating? William didn't get an invitation to that either."