by StoryTeller07
How do some creatures visit erotic stories and find a clearly labeled work and hen complain because ii is exactly what it says it is, and in addition well done? The evaluation of the IQ of the slaves is interesting. The attribute seems to have been transferred to at least one reader.
Okay, end of rant. Hope that doesn't get me kicked off of the site.
The story is interesting and as previously stated very well done. It is unfortunate that professional interests kicks in. What happened to the money? Did the auctioneers abscond with it? Did Jack receive it and enjoyed it with Lovely? The latter would make it a happy ending for all.
I was enjoying reading it very much until she had to eat with a gag still in her mouth.
stopped reading and was very disappointed at that point.
This is chapter 2 and i skimmed the entire first page of it. You need to move them along faster but when the action did pick up it was confusing and inconsistent
Who doesn't love a auction gone wrong. Jack tried to get his wife back, untill he opend the cage. With all those rules just made to be broken it seems Jack and Barbara the Toy will live happly ever after.
Way to go Jack !
It seems to get worse as one gets further into it Almost stopped reading before the end. I wish I had, the end was weak.
Another slave auction gone slightly askew. Wonderful! The slave wannabe, Barbara/Toy, was a tad too adapting to her slavery from her earlier stated personality. Did it just get too hard to continue after delivery? Jack on the other hand did very well, believable, and envied.
I enjoyed this somewhat, even though legally and realistically it seems far fetched. What are the neighbors doing .. nothing? What about Barbara's parents, friends, siblings, coworkers? At some point the authorities are going to get involved, and then what? A week or so of her missing, maybe ... six months--I don't think so. And yet I did like the part of her sucking cock ... that was well written. I would enjoyed more sex scenes of how she was used by her new Master, especially having her used by groups. A happy ending would have worked as well. 3 1/2 stars from me.
until it fell off the cliff edge.
Author got bored and made Jack and Barbara stupid all of a sudden rather than follow it up with a 3rd chapter either showing their gradual decline into acceptance or their struggle to get back together. 2 days and she's given up on her marriage pretty much, must be nice to be so in love.
Your stories always end abruptly, after a long and sexless build up. Disappointing, because you have some great story lines.
A big build up, and, then what?
An abrupt ending that wrapped it up too quickly.
The main characters were shown to be mindlessly stupid.
Only a couple of days go by and bang, they both desert their marriage
It ended up too stupid for words
Scores 2/5
Well, too bad this story ended in a thud. What is going to happen when the authorities find out that Barbara is no longer around? What about her family or friends. Jake will have to explain what happened to his wife and why there is another girl around his house. The ending was just too fast and rushed. Six months and Barbara does not want to leave? I am surprised that she did not say anything during her stay. What kind of training did she have to endure during those months she was away. There was a good buildup but then nothing really happened to make a more complete ending. Sorry, this is one time that I have to put no more than a 2 for a story.
A Mistake Carried Forward
A mathematical error in a series of interrelated equation can lead the calculations far off course. That seem to have happened to Jack and Barbara. Out for a thrill, Barbara ends up living a fantasy, a not particular desirable ever after. It seems Jack got the best out of Barbara's fantasy. By contrast, Jack seemed to have switched equally desirable partners.
Sorry about the ending. I often get a new idea and need to get that down, so quickly finish one I'm working on. The version on Smashwords is better edited and fille dout more. Comments are helpful even when negative.
A Fascinating Ending
I think the author mistook my comment for a criticism. To the contrary I believe the story was well written and the ending was intriguing. A fantasy can deteriorate into a nightmare through a failure of all the contingencies designed to lead to the desired outcome.
Read it again and yes it is still too stupid for words same reasons apply as they did 3 years ago
However l’ve rescored the vote to 1/5 to properly reflect my thinking on the story