All Comments on 'A Storied Romance'

Thanks for a very good story.

First off, I liked the story.

There certainly was enough drama to go around. You did make some rather glaring spelling/grammar mistakes though. Hair isn't quaffed, but coiffed. And "meet", not "meat" someone.

Time heals all wounds, and he feels pretty wounded, that's why he let Sara in? It's a strange sentence.

For the story itself...Although I immediately saw that Sara's stories were just fantasies and not reality, the way it was set up, too much detail, too close to reality, how could Peter have known it was NOT the truth?

Peter and Sara both fucked up. Peter, because he went off halfcocked, and without actual proof.

Sara because she could have cleared it up incredibly easily and explain, instead of making the problem much, MUCH worse by simply leaving and saying she was going to her lover. Peter even WANTED to talk things over after Sara got angry, but what does she do? Leave.

After THAT, I can imagine Peter not wanting to have anything to do with her.

What I did not get was Peter immediately believing Sara, the first time they meet again after so long.

"This is your daughter."

"I believe you. She looks like me. Paternity test isn't needed."

"I wrote those stories, but they aren't true."

"I believe you."

This is from the guy who adamantly refused ANY contact with his wife. It's too big a change. If Peter really does believe Sara whatever she says, wouldn't this entire debacle be Sara's fault?

Imagine if this had happened:

Peter: "Why would you do it, Sara? Do you hate me that much?"

Sara: "I didn't cheat on you." (Seriously, this takes like only 2 seconds to say.)

Peter: "OK, I believe you."

The end.

Now, I am not saying this is completely Sara's fault, far from it. Peter jumped to conclusions, and I can understand that Sara gets angry at Peter for accusing her of cheating. But NEVER saying that she did NOT cheat, and simply leave? To supposedly go to her lover? AFTER her husband wants to talk it over? Death sentence for the marriage right there.

Anyway, it was an enjoyable read.

Appreciate your comments. Constructive, helpful, insightful, and useful for potential future offerings. Thanks.

Really good!

Wish I could give it more than 5. I think that says it all

...but it felt 'rushed' in areas. It would have been served better with a slower transition from one phase to another, with more time for appropriate introspection and detail. In other words a much longer story, filled with not only the 'meat' but also the seemingly innocuous but very important minutiae of life as it is lived throughout all the trauma.

You mentioned GaryAPB and I loved his 'Back to Bristol', which was a tad long but, imho, all the better for all the appropriate emotions and attention to detail - truly a worthy novel-length story and one of my favourite (favorite) stories.

I'm not comparing you with Gary, merely pointing out the difference in styles. This is a good story with a plot which deserved a little more drawn out approach, but I still liked it a lot.

Thanks for sharing.

Looking forward to your next one.

This is without a doubt one of the best first-time offerings on this site and in this genre. Yes, I agree with Mousse's comments. Your plot contained the cliched "I'm not talking with her. Period." As a result, and fueled by Sara's incredibly poor handling of their confrontation, a problem arose that never should have even appeared on the screen. And when he ultimately accepted her explanations at the end without further ado, it raised the question of whether she was telling him the truth at the end or did he just want to believe that was the truth so he could go back to someone with whom he was comfortable. (Frankly, writing that, it's a glaring plot hole that could've been better explored in the story itself.)

Still, your writing is technically excellent with the exception of a few typos, and you create believable characters. If I were to suggest anything to you for future improvement, I would recommend you more fully develop the characters. We know Fiona was bright, efficient, and pretty, but we saw no foreshadowing of any character traits that would cause her to deal with her miscarriage by having an affair. We know Sara was sexually conservative, yet had fantasies she (allegedly only) wrote about. Still, with the exception of a few sentences, we're never told why she didn't bother discussing her sexual needs in a simple conversation with Peter instead of writing and posting them for all to see.

Either way, I sincerely hope you post more stories. You have a gift that will sharpen with practice and give all of us untold pleasure.

Merry Christmas!

The only comment I have is well done.

The story was magnificent and loved how you molded the characters within the story. In some ways there is a culture gap between the Brits and the Yanks and I believe you covered that in a light matter very well.

Do thank you for sharing this and hope that we may see more in the future.

as the British say. Liked the story, it's plot, and the characters. Excellent first attempt at a full length tale. BUT.

Perhaps another proof read and an editor before you post. As you've already heard there were several typos and misused words. Word doesn't catch everything; I've found that out in my own writings. Although important none of these errors detracted from my enjoyment of your work.

As you were going to make this a "full length" story I think fleshing out the characters a bit more would have been a good thing.

Obviously Sara's reaction to Peter's accusations was wrong. Especially answering that yes she was going to her lover. Idiot.

Obviously Peter's decision to leave for London and refuse to talk to Sara at all was wrong. Idiot.

But without these two idiots we wouldn't have had the excitement, romance, and drama of Fiona.

None of these criticisms are meant to be mean spirited. They are meant to possibly help in your next story; And I certainly hope there will be a next story.

Thanks for you hard work and keep it up.

Woodmanone

More please...

If the detail was there, as you said, Peter had no reason to think that Sara had no cheated on him, and her actions when confronted confirmed it. Even if the stories were fiction, he would still have to deal with an office of co-workers that thought he was a wimp and a cuckold. This is not what most people would want in a COO. I believe that it would have been a better story if Sara would have confessed when she met Peter. I also think that Peter should have returned to Parker Price a single man, with Sara as a permanent girlfriend, and not a wife. It doesn't mean that they do not love each other, and can't have children. it just mean that burn wounds take a long tome to heal.

I enjoyed your story. Looking forward to the next.

This is a HORRIBLE story. It is bad on so many levels and such a waste of time I cannot believe ANYONE thinks this story is good. Lets Review

1. This Guy is an EXCUTIVE? of what ? being a fucking idiot International?

OF COURSE he just happens to NOT use a private detective. Everyone KNOWS smart intelligent excutives make BIG decisions with no actual facts right?

of course he Just HAPPENS to have a job overseas waiting for him the day of the fight.

Of course he has NO actual evidence at all that the wife has done ANYTHING seriously wrong.

How the FUCK does this MORON come to the conclusion that because she walks out of the house over his false and unproven allegations that she MUST be guilty?

who the hell thinks that way?

then of course Fiona just Happens to to be killed in a car crash.

and of course it turns out Fiona was pregnant and she found out about it the EXACT day of the fight

Yawn.. what a fucking snoozer this story is.

EVERYTHING in her behavior when confronted indicated SHE DID CHEAT!! Having him ACCEPT that she did not without a LOT of proof and explanations just did not work for me.

Having him accept that the child was his without DNA testing was unbelievable.

You have the talent and in this story the core of a very good story. The reconciliation NEEDS work. If you decide to re-write add a chapter that slowly builds the story by having him find PROOF that she did NOT cheat and was just being stupid.

Sorry, I just could not like the story as written.

First, to clarify one thing: I said this was the first full length story I submitted. There was one other original story (not an ending to someone else's story) that I submitted, but that was only a couple pages long. This was the only one that was a complete story and not a vignette.

I wrote it from the perspective of two people who made horrible choices. Part of what I saw were two people who were basically shy introverts. The brevity of the story didn't allow me time to spin out the character well enough.

I truly loved Fiona and hated to kill her off! By the time I got to the birth of Iain Peter, though, I began to wonder where the story was going. Fiona told me that the only was was a hormonal imbalance or a personal problem that lead to a tragic end.

Sara's initial flying off the handle was supposed to have been an angry, sarcastic response response. In an earlier version, I had Sara say, "What do you think? I'm *SUPPOSED* to have a lover, after all." There were, of course, problems with that logic, too.

I realized the problems with Sara's non-communication, but without switching POV to Sara, I couldn't figure out how to deal with the hurt and despondency she felt. In retrospect, I think I ended it too soon. More conversation between Sara and Peter at the end would have been the better way to go--possibly adding a chapter 4 in the process. The idea of Peter returning "home" as a single man in a "permanent" relationship is appealing. I confess that after posting it, I felt as though I hurried to the happy ending without giving it adequate time to grow to a natural conclusion.

I have a couple other characters echoing in my head trying to tell me their story, but so far I can't make heads or tails of them. I'll see if they make their case to me more clearly. Who knows?

The cobbler

The critics were right in that he accepted that she was cheating and then accepted that it was all a misunderstanding too easily.

<P>

I was initially so sure that he was going to put a PI on her when he scheduled the new trip to London, that I had to check back and make sure there was no continuity error!! The fact that she convinced all his workmates that he was a cuckold was certainly grounds for divorce.. And may still give him problems.

<P>

Hope that the next story is as well-written and enjoyable..

Good work! Well Written. Looking foward to more from you.

"How the FUCK does this MORON come to the conclusion that because she walks out of the house over his false and unproven allegations that she MUST be guilty?"

Harry, Sara never denies it, that's the key point of it all.

If she had said "I did NOT cheat!", and Peter said "I don't believe you!", THEN she would've had reason to just walk out of there, because whatever she'd say, he'd call her a liar.

But she never said anything, leading Peter to believe she DID cheat.

Harry, if YOU asked your wife if she had cheated, and instead of answering she walks away, making you believe she was going to her lover, would YOU still think "She must be innocent because she didn't answer!"?

"Of course he has NO actual evidence at all that the wife has done ANYTHING seriously wrong."

This is called jumping to conclusions, without which, there probably would not BE a story.

I really liked the story, I'm not happy with the way it ended but that's me. His wife fantasizes about cheating on him, and never denied it. It just seems like the the only thing she was missing was the opportunity to do so. And Fiona chased him, why after getting him would she so abruptly change even after the loss of their second child? Other than that I really liked it. Write another one.

You have certainly honored GaryAPB with this story that is akin to his "Back to Bristol" and "TGI Chronicles" -- well done! Your submissions have steadily improved, and reading the 13 previous comments, we all encourage you to let those characters rattling around in your head tell you their stories so that you can write them down for us.

In the beginning, you write that Peter first developed a crush on Sara in the third grade, began dating her in their freshman year, dated all the way through high school, went to the same college and were married shortly after graduation. No doubt Sara knew Peter's mother very well. Yet in the last chapter, you write that Peter was impressed that Sara had named their daughter Rachel Lynne, his mother's full name, because "Sara barely got to meet" his mother before she died with his father in a car accident. Too many tragic car accidents for one story, and you cut off a powerfull emotional motivation for Peter to move back to the U.S. and try to put his life with Sara back together. If his parents were alive, Sara would have a relationship with them because she was the mother of their granddaughter. You don't have to kill off characters to have them dissapear. They can remain in the background until their role can enhance the story, then they can recede into the background once more.

. . . , it was a good, romantic, love story. A better job with some basic proofreading would have helped, but the story worked for me.

Few people can really tell a good story.....you can.....please keep writing....enjoyed this tremendously......

You write of a dumb stupid man who's brains could have spawned the world wide economic crisis. The stupid jerk gives the wif the heave ho and next he has changed jobs and country, Next he jumps right back into the fire and the dumb jerk get a woman pregnant and marries her right after his divorce is final..I gave the wrioter a zero simply because he's dumb himself. His protagonist is a jerk (frome the hands of jerks comes nothing but jerks.. Oh yeah to all those who wrote glowing comments..you are so stupid too. A tear jerker gets you everytime no matter how stupid it is...

Thank you for your time in writing the story. It was VERY good. I will agree the story does hinge on if Sara cheated or not. You as the writer actually gave no evidence that she did. You only had Sara saying she wrote fantasy stories. Sound like anyone we know on this site? For instance almost every writer on this site. Okay she should have told the husband what she was doing. But again most writers on this site don't tell their partners about thier stories do they? And who knows she could have included her fanatasies in their sex life. But her reaction to his questions about the stories did make it almost as if she had acted out her fantasies and was trying to hide it. So readers are left with a doubt over if she really did cheat or not. Anyway all that being said, this was very good read. Thanks for writing it. And please continue to write stories. As for the British English? Apart from no one in the UK saying "Old chap" or "Old Man" as most Americans think we do I think you did fine. Besides we in the UK rarely speak "English" anymore most of us speak "Anglo-American".

Regards

AW

I felt parts were already overly drawn out and over used. HIV was typically harsh, crude, and insensitive, but hit on a few of the problems of the story. How often do you get in an argument with the spouse and walk out, only to find them on another continent in a couple days? "Head over heals" and "meat my mother" (!!) are noticeable mistakes, but I have had worse, a lot worse. So... to me, the story needed to be tighter, shorter, and more intense. My number one problem is that you wrote a comment telling us where you could have done better. I feel that is a mistake. This is your child and when you post it, you are giving birth. You need to love your children, whether others do or not, and do not apologize for them. Telling us where you would change it makes us feel you do not believe in what you presented to us, so why should we?

I agree that the wife has some explaining to do. But that in NO way JUSTIFIES the husband leaving the country for years.

Its fooking silly.

Its not that he assumed she MUST be guilty with no evidence other than the wife getting upset but that he left the country for YEARS based on the NO evidence.

I enjoyed reading this story. I had to bite my tongue at several points to keep moving forward. Characters can, of course, do anything the author wants them to. However, for me, the more believable and consistent to their developed traits their actions are, the more enjoyable the story is.

First, I can accept that Sara, being pregnant is overly emotional. However she is NOT innocent. She wrote the stories that are causing him problems at work. The stories are VERY precise and correspond to people they know and his trips abroad. Sara runs out like she has been put upon without ANY justification. Yes, he's angry and not very open. He's been chewing on this for weeks and had it presented to him by someone at work. That's a pretty BIG deal. Then she fans the fire by saying she is going to her lover. But I'll buy she was THAT emotional and upset and stupid. <br><br>

Now she has been served with divorce papers. She is innocent of cheating and is pregnant. She refuses to sign the divorce papers but does NOTHING to communicate in any effective manner. His lawyer in in contact with him. She could have sent a very explicit letter explaining what happened, told his lawyer the highlights and pleaded to make sure he understood what really happened. She could have followed up with his old employer who knew where he went. She doesn't do any of this. She maintains this big mysterious silence. This I can't buy. Fighting like hell to block the divorce but not fighting to communicate the exonerating details? <br><br>

Next Fiona is depressed and commits adultery. I would have liked more explanation or info about this. What is it that all these women are incapable of functioning under the weight of their emotions. Emotions upsetting them, OK. Twisting them around so much that they can't function or completely change their character? That is possible but pretty unusual. He gets two of them in a row. Wow. <br><br>

I think you cheated a bit by neatly killing off Fiona. There was no confrontation after the adultery. No "What do we do now?" moments. It happened, she's executed, all done. We never get a satisfying resolution to what happened. Just a vague idea that she hooked up with an old BF because she was depressed. That grinds her into a unlikeable person for the sole purpose of making the story work out. She was one of the heroes of this story until that point. I think she deserved better. You could have just killed her witout demeaning her as well.<br><br>

Finally Sara shows up and does what she should have 2 days after he left, tell him the story. And he gets to do what he should have done, forgive her and move on. <br><br>

Like I said, the story as a whole was fun to read.

I like a good romance, and I accept the Hollywood Ending most of the time, because like so many others, it fits my sense of justice in a world that so often has none.

However:

She writes the stories because she wants to live out the romance she missed with her husband? Shouldn't that mean fantasizing and writing stories about her husband, and not the lover? If she is fantasizing about a lover, it's because she isn't happy with her husband, right? That's fine, no crime with that, so when her husband dumps her, why fight so hard to not let him go? I mean, except for the baby she didn't tell him she had just arbitrarily decided to have, and that's another matter that should really be discussed, shouldn't it?

I saw the foreshadowing of her not really cheating, it was kind of obvious when he never bothered to get evidence of the affair. But, then again, it doesn't really explain her guilty behavior when he first alluded to her stories in the guise of the guy at the office getting caught, does it?

Fiona starts off as a full character, but then at the end her behavior skews completely away from the character she was given by the author, and suddenly she is reduced to a plastic puzzle piece fitted in by the author as a transitional character to get the protagonist from point B to point C, where the author obviously wants him to go, know what I mean? She started off as a faithful, devoted, reasonable person, and then suddenly the author tosses in the miscarriage, and then mixes in the boyfriend who happens to be married with kids, and presto, we have a transition to the original antagonist. But, would she have ever been involved with a married boyfriend? Would her doting uncle have allowed him to remain with the company after leading his niece down that sordid path? And why would a miscarriage draw her back to such a degenerate?

I liked the effort, really. But it was rushed at the end, and it was formulaic and predictable. Then again, the same can be said for every Romantic Movie released by Hollywood for the last 30 years, and there is nothing wrong with curling up with a comfortable old blanket on a cold night, as long as you don't expect any surprises from doing so.

I saw some similar problems with GaryAPB's "Back to Bristol," characters didn't act like people, but like transitional set decorations, and when tragic events befall them, I can't help but think they deserved it, and it really doesn't matter much because it's not like they were real people anyway.

There is nothing wrong with using a character as a transitional device, but if you do, you should avoid fleshing out the character enough to cause some emotional investment by the reader with the character. When you do, and you inevitably transition them out, it does grate upon the reader's sensibilities somewhat. I hope this is taken in the vein of constructive criticism, as that is the intention.

One of these days I am going to have to submit my own story, so I can see everyone tear apart my own efforts hyper-critically, just so I have a better idea of what it feels like. But if I were you, I wouldn't take much of what anyone says too seriously. The truth is, if we weren't entertained or emotionally invested to some degree, we probably wouldn't bother criticizing, so hopefully that is a comfort...

I would encourage you to re-write the story keeping in mind some of the more literate commentary you've been given. (not mine).

I was happy to believe that our hero would leave for London for a great opportunity AFTER his wife did not explain the stories, but instead CURSED him and as far he the cuckolded husband knew left to be with her lover. That's what she did.

In his mind that confirmed her infidelity and I can see the pain of that infidelity causing him to flee.

PLEASE keep writing you DO have talent. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to find a good editor like some have done.

It should have been tighter. The whole elaborate thing with Fiona was way drawn out. You could have cut that by 50% and still kept the drama. As a consequence, you didn't have time to really draw from Sara. She just kind of dropped from the story. All i all a very good reconciliation story, very believable.

Keep up the good work and I am looking for your next contribution.

Regards,

C

You know you're connecting when the big names, or some of them, start commenting on your stories. You know you've really arrived when HarryinVA starts snarling at you. I'll admit the story has flaws. You painted the wife as a cheater at the beginning and,as people have commented about some of my pieces, you did such a good job of investing the reader in the husband and making her the bad guy that you do get suspicious of the wife at the end when she simply declares she made it all up. And it did look like you simply killed off poor Fiona to tie up some loose ends and allow the hero to get back with his ex. I agree you could have transformed Fiona into a believable cheater, you just took a short cut. However, that said, you're a damned good writer. You sucked me in and I doubt anyone who started it got bored and simply dropped it. You have the ability to write absorbing fiction and you put words together in a way that touches readers. To me that's what counts most in the end and it's why I'll be looking for future stories.

If this is the first story you've written, you've done a good job. It drew me in, kept my attention and was tied up nicely at the end.

I'm sure that with practice you'll become a great author. You will learn as you go, story by story, much like all here have. You will eventually, after a few stories, develop a following too.

One piece of advice, probably the best I can give you too, grow a very thick skin. Remember that the reader that comments with praise likes your efforts. The reader that gives constructive criticism see's a writer that will some day be better than good, as long as they improve.

The naysayers or negative comments can be hard on one's psych at times. What I usually remind myself is that the madder they seem, the more likely you've done a good job as a writer... you've gotten them involved in the story. Usually the really negative comments are from those that found that they couldn't find anything to like about one or more characters... they hate them with passion. Read the comments carefully with a mind to this fact and you'll see that more often than not, this will hold true. Don't let them get to you. Twist those comments around to a positive in your mind and let them go.

Man! I loved this story. Beautifully paced in a nice slow gentle way, with some wonderful twists and a very enjoyable roller coaster of emotions and psychological missteps. Looking back, the author cleverly kept the reader from going overboard in the blame game....masterfully juggling all the characters so the reader loved and hated all of them. I absolutely fell in love with Fiona. The gentle exposition of Fiona,s love story and downfall was exquisitely written. Great read Cobbler...thank you for entertaining my this evening.

Your up man , when can we expect to read another ? DG Hear has a couple brewing .

didnt read this one as it didnt hold my interest long enough to go through the whole thing .

but still a long way to go. The Fiona interlude was the best written part of the story. She was the clearest, best-drawn character. I can't picture Peter, or get any feeling for who he is. Sara's break-up is not believable, and the reconciliation is too good to be true. How could he not have known that Sara was pregnant? I loved Fiona, and thought her adultery and death were contrived and unbelievable. She isn't a "one-off" kind of girl. Have you ever been in love with a woman who had a miscarriage? It isn't the way you tell it.

That said, you got me interested enough to keep reading. And nyminus and HarryinVA read it all as well, and cared enough to insult you. Remember, the opposite of love isn't hate--it's indifference. The ones who really loathe your work won't bother to get past the first page, much less write.

Keep working; remember Isaac Bashevis Singer's remark: "The wastebasket is the writer's best friend", or to update it, "the recycle bin is the writer's best friend."

Don't know about this one. I mean he never even gave Sara a chance to explain anything. She stormed off mad that he accused her of something and he took it as admission of guilt. Then he wouldn't even talk to her! He looked like a jackass most of the time.

The Fiona part started out good but completely rushed. They kiss one time and he is in love with her? And then she is moving her stuff in without even asking. And well I guess her affair could stem from her miscarriage. Loosing a child is the hardest thing as person can go through.

But the story was entertaining and kept me reading.

Just an all around wonderful story. Kept my interest through out.

I enjoyed the storyline and the writing style along with how the story flowed smoothly.

Thanks for a very good read.

It was far too obvious he didn't give Sarah an adequate chance to explain herself, you didn't write that part very well at all. Then we arte to believe pussy boy kept silent for (one or two) weeks and never mentioned anything? And then we are supposed to believe he griefs the loss of a cheating slut wife, and is too stupid to realize she did him a huge favor by dieing? And then we are supposed to believe Sara would actually take this spineless wimp back? You need spend less time admiring and copying Gary APB's long winded wimp tomes and find your own muse. This exercise in mediocrity could have been completed with half the verbage and still remain every bit as tedious. Bigger may be better, but longer isn't.

This tale was completely predictable, but so what. It was well written with characters well fleshed out for the most part. It did tend to get a bit wordy here and there, but not to the extent to discourage reading to the end. Take it for what this is worth - I thought it well done and I enjoyed reading it. What more can one ask here at Lit, there have been far too few well done stories, so thank you, Cobbler. Hope to read more of your stuff in the future.

our good friend Blue88 is going to post a new story on Lit pretty soon! I, as well as many others, will be looking for it!

Several people had accused him of running off too quickly without letting Sara explain. It was actually she who caused it all. IF she had said "Yes I wrote them but they were fiction!!!" the explanation would have been started and they could have talked it over. Instead she gets upset that he accuses her and rushes off herself telling him that she hates him.

Now in my book that verified everything he was feeling and thinking so why the hell shouldn't he leave. It is a sad situation to say the least but don't lay the blame on him.

Thank you for the great read. I don't understand the hostility of some of the readers, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Looking forward to more of your work.

but when people who love you even when they write stories you would think that they would treat you kindly. To write such a detailed story about Peter's trips to London and then trash his loving making skills? One can only conclude that these stories are what she wanted to happen. The marriage to Fiona and subsequent cheating leading to death went too fast and seemed like a cheap story plot. The Irish live for the family so the idea that Fiona's parents would abandon their grandson seems improbable as well as blaming Peter for their cheating daughter. Also, don't forget that Sara was abandoned by Peter when she needed him most. Bottom line, I do not think that Peter has much to apologize for given those stories posted on the Internet but there would be a world of hurt for them to overcome in the second marriage.

Although I liked the story very much, i cannpot get over Todd's actions in London, he knew the truth and keeped it from Peter.

Woman may do that, but not men, he was responsible for fueling the fire so to speak, as fucked up as the situation was, Sara THROUGH Todd deserved to let him know of her pregnancy. Sara and Peter let that child go fatherless through silence.

Also the lawyers seemed to talk about everything except her child support needs, that seems odd.

Why the face to face, send a picture to the lawyer, I am pregnant and you are the DAD!

Is this a set-up for chapter two and she is really a cheater, because these two story flaws need addressing in a future story about these two.

Some great writers have commented on your story, so you struck a nerve, it just seems Sara and Todd are poorly written characters and they demand more explanation for their actions to believe Peter would reconcile with her without proof and why no child support or visitation rights?

Overall, I enjoyed it, but I don't buy the ending at all. I see no evidence of her not cheating. It would have been too easy for her to stop things almost anywhere along the line. All it would have taken was, "Settle down! The stories are fiction." She wrote those stories as if they were real, she had to know what was going through his head. Instead, our Loving Wife told her husband she hated him and walked out to go to her lover. Even though he was childishly refusing to talk (Seriously authors, this cliche is getting really tired), how tough is it to tell the lawyer, "I'm pregnant and it's his." Instead, our gal denies the love of her life and her daughter's father any chance to be there at her birth, any possible feelings of pride at being a parent. He gets no chance to teach her to say Dada, no chance to watch her learn to walk. I have no trouble believing a woman this selfish and vindictive would cheat on her husband.

I also have to note that the author never resolves the issue of her last story. She obviously reacted when her husband told her about the cheating co-worker. So, why go ahead and publish yet another story? This brings us to her 'explanation', what little there was of it. "I had some time on my hands and decided to write up some fantasies." Her stories were clearly about a woman cheating on her husband and getting better sex than hubby can provide. Furthermore, from the descriptions, he knows lover-boy is getting sexual favors that he is not. Speaking as a husband, I can't say I'd be real happy to hear my wife admit that these were her fantasies.

Again, overall I enjoyed it. Don't let these quibbles outweigh that fact. Thank you for sharing

Yes, they would have problems jumping to conclusions like they (especially he) did. What I particularly liked was that both Peter and Sara understood, finally, their weaknesses at the end. Their emotions overwhelmed their rational minds which is too often the case.

The story had the too common flaw of stories on Literotica: a deus ex machina that helps tie up the loose ends of the plot. Here it was not only Fionna's death in the car crash but also the CEO position Peter was offered which together allowed Sara back into Peter's life. What if Fionna didn't didn't lose the baby and didn't cheat: then how would Peter solve his dilemma? Who would he choose? Sara? Unlikely given how Peter and Fionna's relationship was described: more sexually open and restrained than Sara and Peter's (which, it was implied, led to her writing those stories). Or maybe bigamy? That would be interesting.

Also, you might want to correct this sentence: " Sara barely got to meat my mom before she died." That adds a dimension to the story that I'm not sure you want.

Still, all in all, a good yarn.

Apart of many spelling and gramatical errors, the style is the gutless and wimpy attitude typical to all Brit writers.

It is difficult to read and creates real revulsion for this "writer". "1" !

Previous comments covered the range of what a good editor could have done for this story.

won't confront the wife/woman; instead he waffles around trying to "figure out" what he should do. WTF? Can't the author think of a dozen ways to confront rather than have the clueless male run every time?

In this instance when doofus finally does confront the wifey he interrupts her, cuts her off by not listening to her and continues to act the fool.

This isn't about finally dealing with both of their emotional weaknesses. It's about a poor writing of the story premise.

However, in addition to agreeing with HarryinVA and some others, the story is too full of mistakes and impossible situations. A few are as follows:

"I wanted to bust him [Todd] in the chops for making a crack like that!" Todd growled.

They were married after graduation for 7 years. That implies she would 28 or more likely 29, 30 tops; certainly not 33.

A divorce would not be granted while she is pregnant unless her attorney is willing to lie to court and therefore be disbarred because the divorce would always state "Not now pregnant."

He could not refuse to talk to her because her attorney is going to ask for a trial and temporary support of $10,000 a month. If he does appear, he is either in contempt of court or else she gets awarded the ridiculous sum of $10,000 by default. When he cannot pay, he is in contempt of court and goes to jail.

There is no way her attorney would not ask for child support.

There is no way that Todd would not mention that she is pregnant.

Not only is he a hypocrite by fucking another woman while married, he is a retard. Only are retarded man would jump to conclusion and refuse to talk. However, a retarded man could not have a high level position in large companies unless he is a major stockholder.

Yes the story had a few flaws. What story doesn't.

I looked at the comments and most of them had to do with the irrational thoughts by the husband.

Ever been around someone that was angry? Their thought process is not exactly rational.

Look at Harry and DWornacks comments.

OK, Harry is almost always angry. You can almost see the spit flying from his mouth when reading his comments. But at least once in a while he hits on a good argument.

But, DWornack? Like every other review of his I have read, every argument he presents is just plain wrong.

I received my undergrad when I was 31 and I did 120 hours in 2 1/2 years. So the author could have had her graduate at a 100 and it would still be valid. So she went to school later or took more time to graduate. That doesn't affect the story.

I do have a problem with the way the husband exited. But it doesn't destroy the story has some claim.

With a little editing this story would be top notch. The aim was off a few degrees. Just adjust for wind and try again.

Thanks for the story.

The reason is even very angry people talk to each. One might say especially when they're angry. The author has to give us a plausible reason why they wouldn't say two words to each other. All it would have taken is "I'm pregnant with your child." It's just completely implausible that she wouldn't have found a way to say it to him. The plot of the story requires that they don't talk to each other at all. Otherwise everything would be revealed. Like I said, that's just too hard to pull off.

Yeah, very believable! Time can really help an "author" come up with a good story.

The no-talking between spouses has been drug through too much muck in LW stories. Authors, please handle problems in a more imaginative way.

Brits, please explain to me why you write "were" when you mean "where."

Apart of many grammatical and spelling errors I have to agree with most of the commenter s. Its readable but barely. Well worth the 2 stars I awarded.

I would just note that some of my favorite folks like woodmanone, Rehnquist, and the old DigDaddy all liked it, so it must be pretty good! As for me, I liked it so well that I gave it Five Stars! You just keep on writing your good stories and be assured that there are a whole lot of just plain old folks, like yours truly, who appreciate the efforts you are making on our behalf. Cheers!

One of my favorite stories on here. I could tell early on what was really going on with Sara, but Fiona cheating and Sara being pregnant were big surprises. Heart wrenching but with a happy ending.

I knew right away Sara's stories were fantasies, but that didn't take anything away from the tale. Fiona's misadventure was one of those things we always see when watching something on TV; somebody has to be removed to make the story fit. Fiona was sweet, but I knew she wouldn't make it to the end. This was a five of course.

Someone had to die...damn!

I figured Sara out immediately and couldn't decide or figure out why an educated woman would have acted out, spoken with animosity and conducted herself in the manner she did when asked about the validity of the stories.?

Oh well, it contributed to the meat of the story.

Unfortunately, I fell head over heals for fun loving, mischievous Fin and knew you were going to do her in but - with a weekend lover - damn you!

Well, a sad ending and a joyous reunion and, of course, only in fantasy land so...

Thanks for a good story!

Second, why is it so hard for LW authors to write about intelligent people? Is is too hard to create conflicts and resolutions for characters who use their brains? Hope we have seen the end of LW stories with the cliched runaways with no communication between spouses. There's got to be other paths to a good erotic LW story.

None of this would have happened if Sara had simply blurted out, "It was only fiction!" But then we wouldn't have had this story. Well-told tale that needed some serious editing/proofreading.

Nicely done - first and foremost -

The shit with Sara was a good game and her response was perfect for her to be innocent, as she was.

His response was perfect for a man as angry as he was.

The cut and run is what made it all a story rather than a quick conversation lol.

Of course Sara could have ended it at any time by explaining it all to the lawyer too -

Fiona lost it - too bad - she likely would have made it back with regrets - but this gave her an out. The estranged grand parents need to get a grip - they are in pain but so was he and so was their grandson.

A well developed story that came full circle - i like closing the circle.

The concept is original, but the execution strains credibility. OK, so Sara has an imaginary affair, and she settles for NOT talking to him even though she is pregnant with his daughter? No child support, alimony, health insurance....nothing...for two and a half years. AND neither attorney is aware of this gold mine of billable hours for them? Nope....just too much of a stretch...

But, meanwhile, wife #2 suddenly goes from faithful wife and mother to depressed and cheating AND hiding it from him? No 'dear John' note, not emails from a slut girlfriend or co-worker "encouraging her to explore and enjoy herself because she deserves to be happy?" Nope....just too much of a stretch...

Sara would have gone to 10 or 20 'friends' to let it "slip" that she was pregnant. And, she has the imagination to create multiple fuck session stories with an imaginary lover, and create a web site to brag about it but she can't be creative enough to change ANY of the names or dates? Nope....just too much of a stretch...

To misquote Dragnet, "the names have been changed to protect the GUILTY and STUPID."

while this was a nice story. no way in hell was his first wife believable. so she writes stories about cheating on him and when confronted instead of saying they were just stories she attacks him then leaves telling him she is going to her lover..either she was a total wacko or she was really cheating on him. even after the first divorce and then finding out his second wife was cheating on him. he then just goes right back to trusting his first wife again. what a dumbass.

five star effort. Yes, the wife's reaction seems a bit odd, even considering her pregnancy. But hubby's reaction is equally odd. He leaves and divorces her on the basis of stories written online, not on proven fact. When he has a guaranteed opportunity to have her followed, he blows it off as not important. Odd. Since the first part of the story was built upon the online stories, I was thinking her online writing might be a means of them reconnecting. He was so intent on checking those stories out, but never returned to see if she was still writing.

You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!

You think GaryAPB is a "master" of some shite?

well then I guess that explains why you think such utter disrespect by this cunt of a wife is ok.

Instead of realizing that she had humiliated him, and explaining, she just throws him away to his pain and ends up depriving him of a life with his daughter too.

DISGUSTING .. piece of shite.. but understandable since you apparently worship that moron GaryAPB

The idiot wrote about a cheating cunt that shit all over a loving husband working hard to provide for her and the home.. for a month and when he rightfully did not put up with it, the author decided that he should condemn him to a life of miserable loneliness.

about this reconciliation. First, why did Sara not think of what would happen if/when someone who knew her husband or worked with him saw the stories? Since she didn't even try to disguise who she was, who she was married to, why didn't she think someone would start whispering about her husband. I get it that this had to happen to make the story, but damn, hard on a man's nerves innit. So, he confronts her and, second point, she attacks his ass, tells him to get fucked and that she is leaving, apparently to go to her boyfriend/lover. So yeah, she's pregnant but by this time shouldn't her husband know about this? I think that unless there were a lot of "missed" plot fillers here, she was fucking around and for some reason her being pregnant wasn't any of his business. There was absolutely nothing happening with her that warranted him staying with her, talking to her any more or putting up with her shit. The leaving and the divorce were not his fault and any communication was missed from her end, not his. If someone is concerned enough to accuse their spouse of cheating and if they are not, then the proper response is, I'm not cheating not fuck you. Sara came across as arrogant and a bit stupid, not a redeemable character, in my opinion. Still and all it was very well written and aside from a few quirks I really enjoyed the story. Made a full circle alright and all the ends were tied up nicely. So, all's well that end well.

Haven't read this in a number of years. While well written, the sheer stupidity of both of these two is mind boggling. And his friend who knew the wife was pregnant? He buts in by showing him the stories in the first place because he felt he needed to know, but doesn't tell him about his wife being pregnant. Too many inconsistencies. On page two the main character goes on and on about needing to get to the bottom of things, but then rules out hiring a detective because he basically already knows what is going on. What?

Different but, pausable good idea. Fiona could have passed after a very tough attempt to have a baby, which also didn't make it.

She was a good woman and, didn't have to be labeled a cheater.

The end should left every body in a good place.

The plot holes have all been discussed by other comments, so no need to go there. I would have liked to have seen more of an effort made to reconcile with the son’s grandparents. And some more explanation of why Fiona went bat shit crazy. All in all a good effort.

What a pleasant read on a rainy day. While I suspected a surprise from the first marriage ending so abruptly, he jumped into another relationalship quickly. Love a happy ending. Thanks.

I guess we'll never know for sure if Sara was cheating or not in the beginning of the story. Everything she'd done - and said - made her appear guilty of adultery. When Peter finally erupted and accused her of cheating, she became enraged and stomped out, supposedly to stay with her lover. Cooler heads could have resolved most of their problems immediately, but of course if they'd done that, there'd be nothing to write about.

A good story, very well written. Very enjoyable, 5 stars.

My take on Sara's anger toward her husband after being accused of cheating is that she was extremely upset that her husband did not trust her at all---

I thought this was a pretty long winded story. I actually thought this story was about Peter and Sara but then London, Fiona and her cooking came into the picture. So what was Sara doing throughout the time he married and had a son? Was she just sitting home waiting for Fiona to die so she could come back into Peter's life? They both suffered through spousal betrayal. Does it mean she had married again before coming to London? There was just to many questions raised here and no answers. The author let to much time pass by between the divorce and reconcilliation filling in with run of the mills words used to many times before just to fill in space. But no mention od Sara except at the begining and the end of the story. It could have been a great story in my eyes. if only the Author had stuck to the story line a little bit more, instead of bringing in Fiona and her cheating with her boss. I understand its fiction and a story about himself but make it sound belivable.

Making Fiona a cheat with no explanation left a hole in this story. Also it was obvious from word go that she was writing fiction for literotica. Again as with many stories here a lack of basic communication results in madness. I also don't believe the grandparents would not do whatever they could to keep a relationship with their grandchild. However generally enjoyed the story and happy ending.

Over the coming years, how did Peter deal with running a company where a good percentage of his employees believe that he is a cuck? He could tell people otherwise but he can't force them to believe him.

How often must she get hit on at company gatherings?

I fear I saw the ending coming and was hoping Fiona would die (that's not nice of me, is it?). Something told me the first wife didn't really cheat. Good story and probably a few good lessons there.

doubt, not dought........playing games is what got Sara in trouble. If your being accused of cheating after you've given his a reason to think that you cheated. Getting pissed and leaving plays into the reason she got dumped. A simple, "NO" and explanation would've ended it. Not getting pissed and leaving, being pregnant doesn't it ok or even a good excuse.

People who write stories of their own lives and insert fucking around on their husband dont call it "the romance WE should have been living"

people called on writing fiction dont get pissed, let the person they love more than anything in the world believe the worst of them and suggest they are leaving to spend time with their fuck buddy now that the cat is out of the bag

people who really want to get back with their ex would tell the exes lawyer to say "i never cheated and am pregnant" they woudnt hold out hope that the man so pissed he ghosted in less than 24 hr and has spent months refusing to talk would magically appear to her her speak

people who really love someone wouldnt steal nearly 2 years of a childs life away from them

If I were this guy I would never take Sara back

Also I would have told the asshole parents of cheating whore number two they could pay for the cunts funeral out of their own pocket, and announced to all attending the bithc died due to sucking off her lover while he rolled the car

2 different scenarios

Sara cheated but didn't then why not just admit writing stories

Fiona depressed and cheated

Sara back

?

Too much

Too bad you couldn't make it make sense.

He discovers stories his wife wrote about cheating, with accurate details and perfectly believable, and when he confronts her SHE get angry, and leaves? That made no sense at all for an innocent wife.

Then the whole Fiona story, being the perfect wife, then becoming a cheating whore because she had a miscarriage? You obviously don't know how frequently women miscarry a pregnancy; it happens all the time. Fiona's reaction to the miscarriage was out of character for who she was before the miscarriage. It turned you compelling story into a ridiculous cartoon.

Too bad. Its a great plot idea, but poorly executed. Plots that hinge on miscommunication or lack of communication are lazy and obnoxious. Oh, if I had only told him, if she had not run out, if I had just talked to her, or read his email, etc. etc. Barf.

Again, thanks for the effort. Could have been great.

Pretty good story. Don't think Sara cheated, but who knows. Good ending.

Both good and bad points. Overall, though, I liked this.

Hooked

I can't help but wonder what awful mess it would have been if she had not died. He'd have 2 kids on separate continents and all because he thought a work of fiction was fact. Good story, but he almost ruined his life.

I haven't finished reading the first page yet but have jumped to the comments section. The story has already failed for me because neither Todd or Sarah's husband, has considered that what they are reading is just an erotic story posted on an erotic story website. Even if the story has events that the husband can validate as real doesn't mean that the actual cheating is real. It could all be a fantasy.

If this were real life that would be anyone's first reaction unless the wife had shown any indication of cheating before. I know if it were me then I wold simply go home and ask my wife about the stories I wouldn't immediately assume she was cheating on me. I'd want proof.

Fantasy has to be real and reflect real life reactions.

I was really, really, getting pissed at how the first part developed, and I had a sneaky suspicion of what was going on. Then Fiona and a baby and and I was getting more pissed and then she gets killed and Sara shows up and confirms my earlier suspicions, and finally, a happy ending! You had me worried though.

Being a self respecting Aussie every time I read a mention of Fosters I cringe.

It is one of the worst tasting beers in Australia and no self respecting Aussie drinks it. They would be too embarrassed. That is why they export it overseas.

I suppose it might be the Australian way of saying to the rest of the world "up yours, We will keep our decent beer for ourselves and let you all have our dregs."

Otherwise not a bad story.

to Anony 07/07/19 who spells like I do:

"dowghting spowghse" indeed!

.

Sorry to see the Cobbler retired a dozen years ago.

Ok. This story fails the reality test. Imagine you are handed a story by a friend. Your friend explains that everyone at work is laughing at you. The story is obviously written by your wife, the author doesn't explain how you knew your wife wrote it. Would your immediate reaction be my wife is possibly cheating on me.

I think any mans immediate reaction would be to go home ask the wife if she wrote it If she said that she did. You would then go ballistic at her for causing you so much embarrassment at work. You may well then walk out on her and possibly later then consider that the story she wrote is real and she may have cheated on you. It would very much depend on how she handled the confrontation about writing the story and making obvious who it was about.

Fiction has to make sense the start of this story doesn't

Seriously? Just a WEE bit premature aren't we?

🤣

Can he pick'em or what?

And the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

WTF is with LW authors who have the mom not tell the father about his kid for years. Total bullshit.

Are we really sure wife one never cheated?

I do love how he said fuck it and ghosted her. Too bad it was apparently for the wrong reason. Still, she's a stupid bitch for posting the story.

Good story still

Could have been a good story, but it was more like a shitty episode of Three's Company. You can't build a serious plot with so many missed communications. Had he had actual evidence of infidelity and then refused to talk , maybe it could have worked , then on top of that she, can't even bring herself to inform him of his actual child's birth. Seems forced.