All Comments on 'A Daughters Revenge...'

Good story, but you didn't quite finish it. You didn't complete Dan's story or what happened with Linda's parents and all the relationships that those 2 had. Jimmy's parents will eventually realize that Jimmy hates Dan, and it could last a lifetime. AS for Linda's family - They owe Jimmy a huge apology. They also may have a rough spot or two with Molly. As for Molly, her relationship with her mother will never be the same and she will have lost respect for her. When Molly gets old enough to find a husband, she'll seek her father's approval - not her mother's.

You need to learn to use dialogue. First, it makes your stories more interesting. Second, you can build a relationship between the reader and your characters. Don't just narrate a story, let your characters tell it. You also need to give us more emotion. Think of your story as a movie. You've never seen a movie with characters who don't talk to each other. Keep writing, but strive to get better.

I do not believe in allowing my child to save her head on one side or die her hair blue. No nose piercings either. Only piercings allow is in the ear and max of 3. So with Jimmy Boy not caring you lost me on page one real fast.

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭.

We have sites like Reddit with subreddit talking about cheating wives and how to deal with them, legally of course where they give stories like these by the thousands and I would wholeheartedly be in favor of men to speak their minds on this subject.

But this is a porn site, where we talk about a fictional event happening in a fictional world where pleasure is the main subject in general from the perspective of the wife. But for the past 4 years, we have authors like you coming to these spaces preaching through storytelling the consequences of living the "𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞" 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞.

like we don't get that enough in real life.

For me, it's becoming tiresome to see mostly the males perspective of the loving wife genre where either it's BTB, the extreme cuckolding, or worse of them all the telltale preachers and nothing in between.

We came to this section for a fun and erotic read but all we get is this.

Anyway thanks for the read.

Well written and I gave 4 for that. However, the story sort of left me cold. His decision was understandable and I wouldn't change that but for me all these stories hinge on the one to one discussion / confrontation between the main characters and in this case it was too short and too soon. I would have waited till tempers were cooled. I also would like to have heard much more from her trying to explain why she did what she did. Still, as I said, a well written story that I liked.

Well written story. The characters were wonderful. This has been a well thought of storyline. Linda, the lying cheating wife, Dan, her lover and her brother-in-law. Molly, her daughter and witness to her mom's infidelity. And there's Jimmy, unknowing husband and good father. The makings of a believable tale and a nice ending, no revenge on either offending parties. I, personally, would have liked some kind of revenge against Dan or even Linda, but it did have an appropriate response and the divorce was as it should have been.... Keep up the good work. 4/5 stars

Cheery tale for a damp and dismal day

. . . a man fucking his brother’s wife. Can’t say that seems like a good idea. Too many risks, too much collateral damage possible.

If you’re going to fuck some other guy’s wife, be smart about it: fuck a stranger’s wife, not a brother’s or buddy’s wife.

This is probably the most realistic portrayal of a 15 year old in loving wives. Kids these days grow up faster and by 15, they have a mind of their own.

I've read far worse, but there were two silly unforced errors: 1. "He will be in contact and if he isn't by Monday morning, call me and I'll initiate police action." There was no "missing person" and no basis whatever for "police action." 2. Judges don't have discretion to absolve a parent from child support because the custodial parent has a decent income. The requirement is statutory and can't even be waived by a party because it is deemed to be in the child's best interest for the custodial parent to receive resources on behalf of the child from the other parent.

This was not "well written." It was riddled with errors. My personal favorite was, "Jimmies' brothers' wife". Wow.. The plot hole was huge. How can the wife or brother think not telling anyone the truth and putting pressure on the husband to reconcile would cause any reaction other than showing the video to all?

Good, but the ending felt rushed.

The epilogue made it seem like Molly just forgave her mother and everything was fine between them again, but something like this would leave permanent scars on their relationship. Linda broke Jimmy's heart and destroyed their family. A daddy's girl is never going to forgive her mother for that kind of betrayal.

Also, it was sad that we never found out if Jimmy met someone new. He was a successful lawyer, who was wealthy, and kept himself in great shape... Jimmy could easily replace Linda with a younger, prettier woman.

Hearing more about Dan and Linda being miserable as they were disowned by their families would've been entertaining too. I would've loved to see Linda's reaction when Jimmy remarried a hot trophy wife and started a new family.

My only feedback is maybe incorporate Dan into the story a little more. I can only imagine that if he really loved his brother (which it sounded like he did despite his actions) that he would be feeling extreme remorse, not to mention the fact that he cheated on his pregnant wife. Overall I enjoyed the story though, nothing i can really point at that needed improving

All adults here in this story are all unlikeable

Molly had bigger balls than her weak father, Jimmy. He could have sorted the whole family out weeks/months earlier if he applied his "honesty" requirements to his family. Leaving it to a 15 yr old to sort out doesn't say much for his parenting skills.

Having worked in Financial Planning, "Trust Busting", Estate Law and Family Law, there are so many things wrong with what Jimmy did re marital assets his "solution" would be given the short shift by any reasonably competent Lawyer. But I understand this is all about the "Cheating" so will leave it..

Keep writing and the "flow" will improve. Cheers.

As others have said, this was a well written story but should have been a book instead of here. This is an erotic story site and this was just a revenge story with everyone losing out in the end.

Enjoyed this read

Scores 5/5

I enjoyed it but a few things bugged me and took from the enjoyment.

1) when the mom calls Molly and leaves messages it is always "don't tell Jimmy or don't call Jimmy". Wouldn't a "normal" mom say don't tell your dad?

2) I don't think a friend can ignore the missing person request like that and wait until Monday to notify police. Maybe he will not act on the request but never would he openly agree to sit on it.

3) If a 15 year old girl tells the school to not allow her mother on school grounds that would definitely result in a call to both parents and maybe child services.

4) The mother daughter healing was too fast. She was a daddy's girl before the discovery and then witnessed the mothers lies and how she lied to the family. Too much damage there for what was described as a mature 15 years old to heal from a once a week counseling session for a year. In my mind the first few sessions the girl just sat there and didn't say a word or would just defend her father.

Stangstar06.....Breathless

Great story. Hopefully we will see a lot more from this new writer. Five stars

It's a decent enough story, not exactly erotic but then there are so many like that these days. There are several grammar and spelling mistakes/slips which a careful proof read would correct. Having reached this point there could be more on 'what happened next'.

I gave you 5 stars for a well written story.

I did not care for Jimmy's character all that much. He was so laissezfaire about the piercings and hair cut, and so committed to truth. But he let the family ride him instead of simply telling them the real reason. Molly had far more guts.

One of the best new stories. Thank You!

But, Jimmy's character was too sanctimonious and wooden. Why? I ask why would he or anyone for that matter, not tell what happened, why? He is supposed to be a strict adherent of the truth. His daughter has more balls than him.

Also, too much narrative and not enough dialogue.

4****

Blah, blah, blah. Oh,so many words to tell the same old story yet again. Nothing original here; too verbose to have been reviewed by a practiced editor. An utter failure, even by the low standards of LW.

1* (only because there is no way to give you wht you deserve...a big, fat ZERO)

You are one of those writers that only have one story line and keep writing about the same thing with different scenarios. I think you should be more creative for your next story and go in a different way not the wife feeling sorry for what she did.

***

Well handled, good story!

The basic plot idea is sound. All the major behaviors and decisions make sense. The story was dramatic and compelling, and ended logically and reasonably. Good job.

The devil is in the details, as always:

That Linda was a selfish stupid cheating whore was consistent with the personality you gave her. What made no sense is how and why Jimmy ever came to love her and want to marry her? You can't be that weak of a woman in just this little box of marital fidelity. If she is that flawed and dysfunctional then it should have influenced her entire character, personality, values, and behavior. A man like Jimmy would never be attracted to a woman as unethical and deceitful as Linda behaved. Or are you going to rely on the possibility of Martian Slut Ray? Otherwise we have to grant that Jimmy got what he married, so he got what he deserved and what he foisted upon any children he had with Linda. And that is totally inconsistent with the Jimmy character you created.

Jimmy's reluctance to tell the family about Linda's betrayal is completely at odds with the character you introduced as being a man of truth, honesty, integrity, and forth rightfulness. Unless Jimmy was just allowing Linda and Dan to dig themselves into a deeper hole? But that's not the motive your story implied, even thought it did. Jimmy began to look like a cuck or a patsy the longer he allowed Linda and Dan to paint him as the bad guy. Why would Jimmy think that was an honest and truthful way for him to behave? It made him look weak and self deprecating, or being too stupid and clueless to realize that that is what was happening the longer he withheld the truth. It was a major character inconsistency that detracted from his otherwise strong and just character.

There are a lot of pointless distracting details, that make a careful reader pause and ask, Is that something important, that should be remembered, that becomes significant later in the story? What food was eaten when, what clothes were worn where, the names of hotels or restaurants, details about Jimmy's business or Molly's school, etc. I think some authors consider those details add color or substance to the story, and for some readers they may. Its a judgement call, but I don't think most successful literature is bogged down by superfluous information.

The only real plot fault that occurs to me is that Molly frequently saw Dan's truck coming from the direction of her house at times of day and with a frequency that should have stirred her curiosity if not her suspicion. Molly is 15 years old in the public school system, so she knows of children who's parents commit adultery, she has classmates who are sexually active, and she would be very alert to any excuse for Dan's behavior that didn't make sense. Kids aren't stupid. Linda fucked Dan for 10 weeks, but his seduction started some weeks earlier than that, and no time during dinner, out with her father, or at other family gatherings Molly never inquired what Dan was doing with her father's tools, what landscaping project Linda was helping Dan with, why Dan was coming to the house in the middle of the day when her father was not there to discuss tools and yard work? I'm sure Dan was not telling Amanda he was going to see Linda while she was alone. All of that detracted from an otherwise sound and logical story line.

So, overall a decent and reasonable story. I hope you continue to write and improve.

Thanks for the effort.

Can not say I like the theme of the story, but it does happen a lot.

When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

<P>

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When the character speaking changes, start a new paragraph.

I look forward to watching you grow as a writer and enjoyed this story very much. Thank you for a twist on the revenge story!

Good story but included far too many of the usual cliches to get it where you wanted it to go.

Welcome to the fray.

Hooked

which is like an avalanche pulling the whole family along as it slides down to an abyss. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't think the daughter would refer to her father this way, even in an internal monologue: "It is extremely unfair that Jimmy should be punished by the family..."

I think you did a good job of bringing out the wife's thoughts. Dishonesty ruins a marriage and it seldom comes. The dialog between the wife and brother while having sex reveals their sense of superiority. You nailed it.

sex is never meaningless people are just to ashamed to admit the meaning

just like the supposed gray area its just justification to do a wrong thing

Got to wonder why Dan wouldn't try keep the family from harassing Jimmy, considering he knew full well his marriage would be toast if the truth about the grievance was revealed. Instead, he just made up some half-assed story about unreturned tools and ended up getting burnt.

Enjoyed your story. Thanks for adding something worth reading to Lit.

Just move along

Generally a solid story and plot line. I can't put my finger on it, but your narrative at times doesn't seem to "flow" and is more like a series of short sentences to present the events as facts, somewhat missing the right adjectives or something. Again, I wish I could find better words, but I still give it 4*. PS - Would have liked to see the final story of how each rebuilt their lives...

I don’t agree with Linda not having to pay child support. She’s a parent with a job. Pony up bitch

Wait.....! Where is Dan’s new supermodel girlfriend? Lol! Nice work.

A well written story. It held my attention start to finish.

5/5

@anonymous

Just a few comments

1. "don't tell Jimmy or don't call Jimmy". Wouldn't a "normal" mom say don't tell your dad?

Are you trying to tell us she is normal?

2. " I don't think a friend can ignore the missing person request like that"...

She wasn't missing after Jimmy called and told where she was.

3. If a 15 year old girl tells the school to not allow her mother on school grounds that would definitely result in a call to both parents and maybe child services."

Who is to say that no one got called. It just wasn't part of this story.

4. "The mother daughter healing was too fast"...

I would have to think that the time for healing would have to be based on the counselor, and the individual, and not your opinion.

Great story. I like the way the plot developed. Yes, there were a few misspellings. But not enough to detract from the story . I hope you continue to write more good stories! 5*****

Reminds me of the old saying "Hind sight is 2020". My ex couldn't understand why I always had to think everything over before I made a decision. Guess that is why we are ex's. Again good story. FIVE*****

Kudos for not reconciling with his wife or brother. But I think the daughter should've continued to avoid her mother for doing this to the family. All mom's fault this happened. OK, his brother's fault too. Both deserve everything they got and more for being this sleezy!

Vandemonium1 has his own site. At least we know what's there. No surprises, wonder if Saddle tramp1956 will do the same thing. Anonymous. You gave it one star cause it wasn't erotic enough...and called this writer a cuck. Really? Seems as soon as he found out he disowned his brother, and the wife severely damaged her relationship with him...that's not the definition of cuck. You need read your dictionary so you know what the words mean. I think your a cuckold in real life. As far as what's happening in our world, this is what an hours deviation from it. Real life sucks, especially for abused people. We need the diversion to keep sane. I wish I could do what these stories have written in them on the foster parents who abused me. But then I would lose cause they would be near comatose.

Of the more realistic portrayals.

Particularly for the daughter.

Cheers

Excellent story from a different point of view.

For the Anon saying he was a cuck.....uh, no. He was not. He may not have gone scorched earth on his wife and brother, but he didn’t lay down either.

. . . sex is never meaningless. Uhhh, yes, it can be. Sex is fun, but sometimes it’s just not serious, sometimes it’s just two — or more — people having sexy fun.

Cudos to the daughter for showing the family what really transpired . The rest is normal end of marriage. I’m surprised Linda did not commit Suicide.

but your characters all behave and talk in cliches, and there's barely depth to anyone. Please keep trying, there's potential.

Liked it, great story, nice touch of realism with how it ended and Molly's character was well written.

Main criticism is I found it a bit disorientating keeping track with the constant switch in point of view and irregular flow of time. With the story spanning over months, you need to have a more structured way of splitting time like a week/month per section (like a sub header) while you tell different pov. Other way is to have one pov per section (as a sub header) with time flowing linearly all the way so different sections/pov don't overlap in time.

Why do husbands and wives do this to each other? I’ve been married to ten years and though not always romantic, fun, exciting or easy I can’t even conceive of ever destroying my life or my my family’s either. Especially my daughter’s life. So why? Maybe I’m just too emotional over this kind of story or just too much of an old fashioned soul but that’s just who I am and speaking for myself only, to each their own. All I will say is that women say they want a good man but will either overlook them, ignore them or just take them for granted until it is TOO LATE and they lose them forever.

Guys say that want good women but never seem to MAN up forgetting to love, respect, nurture and LISTEN TO THEM. Then actually wonder why they lost them in the first place. Again, sorry for being too intense in my comment. This truly was a well written story.

@ReedRichards

You are right, sex can sometimes be just fun without being serious.

BUT: You always have to include ALL people in the calculation. In this case the spouses and children were not included in the cheating but were affected by it. So in this case sex wasn't just fun because it was a serious betrayal of trust, hurtung others and loosing respect for the others.

Daughter rebellious! Knew friend's daughter exactly like that. He was very conservative but blew my mind when allowed her piercings,hair wild etc. Finally asked him why. His words due to his job saw a lot of this behavior and he chose his parenting plan accordingly.

After high school his daughter removed most of body jewelry,let her hair go naturally and developed well adjusted!

It's just sex is one of scariest things in our society.

Paying for whore when single just sex anything beyond that is totally abhorrent to me. Get divorce if want to screw around

jtwheels

I can’t imagine the shock to a fifteen year old girl finding her mother and uncle having sex in her home. Thanks to the ubiquitous smart phone she is able to get video proof of the betrayal. Jimmy takes the only reasonable action in removing wife and brother from his life. Naturally wife and uncle Dan lie about what happened to cause rift, leaving daughter with no recourse other than sending video to family. I thought story handled situation realistically, although in real life I think Dan might have suffered some physical damage. Dan and Jimmy’s parents, risking the loss of both sets of grandchildren, should have distanced themselves from the cheating asshole Dan.

All Molly did was tell everybody the truth. That's just what good parents raise their children to do, isn't it?

4*!

Agree with superdandy's comments.

Interesting perspective.

Doesn't change the betrayal. Don't see Molly ever forgiving her slut mother for destroying her life and devastating the life of the father she loves so dearly. Other than that, I liked the story. Jimmy didn't owe the slut any chance to explain or to tell the truth. Even if she told the truth about the illicit fucking had been going on for 3 months it wouldn't change anything about the fact that she'd done it. He should have just gone to the house while she was out and got everything he needed and not listened to that cheating cunt at all.

Most cheaters, 85%, never get caught.

Most have no remorse.

They are only sorry if caught.

Excellent story!!! Very well written!

Tiresome, hackneyed tripe. Sorry you wrote it and even sorrier I read it. 1 star, and not worth that.

is GARBAGE. Gave it a one star rating.

And you are clearly getting better at this.

Why always say a good mother? Do good mothers set example that it is ok to lie and cheat!? Okay if only sex?!

Don't buy that detail in any story. Might agree with earning relationship with children If admit seriousness of lying and cheating

.

a very good, not wimpy, tale.

5 stars

The DA would not be involved in a missing person case. In fact, she was not missing at all. She was with her father. Since no custody had been resolved by a court order, he has as much authority and rights as the mother does. There is no charge or action police could take or threaten against the father.

Why have the daughter reconcile with her mom? Why would Jim not want that woman parenting with her moral compass? Why would the daughter want anything to do with her mom after what she did to her dad and family? The only two things that didn't ruin the story is that Linda wasn't able to reconcile with her husband and that Jimmy never forgave Dan. 3 stars for that.

Perhaps there's a state or two in which the judge has that kind of discretion, but in every state I'm familiar with the standard is "the best interest of the child". Consequently child support is mandated according to a schedule because the point of "child support" in not punishing the non-custodial parent, but rather making sure the non-custodial parent contributes to the best of his/her ability to the welfare of the child. The court ordering the father to pay for the counseling to straighten out the problems created by Linda is ridiculous.

Good story!

It was okay, but it reads more like a parable than a real story. This is what will happen to your life and the lives of others around you if you act deceitfully!

Try and add in more actual scenes to your story instead of summarising, it will elicit more emotion in your readers and invest them in the story. Don't lay all the moral lessons out for the reader all the time, any lessons should be garnered through the events and scenes in the story for the reader to pick up on and make their own connections, otherwise you sound like you're preaching a little.

Well written I agree with your final statements. I gave you a 5, good job.

One rant stood out from the crowd, interestingly - the two words that stood out were anonymous garbage! Think that says it all - about the comment that is. Thank you for your story and I look forward to more stories and continued growth as a writer!

somewhere east of Omaha

In case others are confused - a parable IS a story. Thank you for your story. 5*

Wimped out in the end..NO stars for you!

Here's where you lost me:

"... I have so much anger and feelings of pain at being wronged by the women I loved and shared my life with. But also, by the big brother that I had grown up with, and I thought would always have my back. And now you too are in the middle of this mess, knowing that our family life will never be the same again. "

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS! Nobody in the world speaks this way! I cant... I'll try to FTDS, but I don't know.

i noticed you are a new contributor here on Lit. i hope you will continue writing & i look forward to more LW stories.

Daughter was kick ass. Actually I think Dad was trying not to pit family against family, but 15 year old daughter was wise enough to put an end to mom’s bullshit. At least this story was fairly realistic. Yet, I wonder if there are judges out there that would allow a 15 year old girl to stay with her dad, even if she threatened to run away from mom. I’d like to think so.

JC, please keep writing.

When is the answer “yes, the child gets to decide”? In effect, children can “choose” which parent to live with if all involved decision makers — that is, the significant adults in the child's life — are in agreement about the child's future living arrangements and that agreement meshes with the child's own wishes.

Ultimately up to a judge to decide. But if you are 13, the judge will likely give considerable weight to your wishes when making his or her decision. The laws vary from state to state. This magical age is usually believed to be 12, 13, or 14. So Molly has the right to choose and in case, the judge supported her decision.

His brother gets off way too easy. His daughter for gave her mom and I don't think she should've that easily. A few counseling sessions and everything is okay? Be semi realistic with your story. 3 stars.

A refreshing take on the cheating wife story. However, I think you could have done more to explore the emotions involved. Felt like the story was to short. The dad, Jimmy, didn't even consider counselling for Molly which she would have needed. But at least it didn't follow the usual storyline of wife cheats, expresses her love and regret, husband divorces wife and finds love elsewhere.

Couple of typos 'coach' instead of 'couch' is one. Otherwise a really good effort.

"She disentangled herself from Dan's cock"

You need to leave the old cliches in your next stories. Your characters are unidimensional, Your stories are absolutely predictable from the start to the end. Not a bad effort, but there are already a lot of great writers who already explored these situations and wrote amazing stories. Nothing great or new here, just the same old story, full of cliches.

Justifying their actions shows that she is a whore. So why reconciliation?

Anonymous (see below) nailed this one with “Another cliché story.”

Those that can write, those that can’t post snide anonymous comments. Please ignore them and keep writing.

It was a nice little story told from the perspective of a teen-age daughter. Because of that, it was unique. Could have developed the relationships and personalities of the actors a little more but overall, while not being a classic, was told in the person of a child. Oh, and by the way, from anonymous a month ago, In the middle of sex, when extremities and genitals are entwined, it does take a moment or two to become disentangled.

Good story, liked it for the most part.

As far as 10 weeks of “MEANINGLESS” sex goes. Well whore how meaningless do think it is now.

5⭐

Great story. Thanks.

it's funny but her daughter had more balls than most betrayed men in most stories.

I would have to find out if there is an evolution in human anatomy.

Stories like this become so cliche because of how often it is written about and how unfortunately common it is in the real world.

A very engaging story. It was harsh, hard to read in places. But it does illustrate pretty well how quickly a thoughtless, selfish act can completely wreck a family beyond repair. Even the extended family took a big hit, and it’s likely that they will never be the same again. I know it’s just fiction but I also know that this kind of thing happens in real-life, to real people. Excellent story, JClife, thanks for it.

great story

*****Great storytelling very entertaining read. Thanks for sharing.

Ez az egyik legjobb és legmegrázóbb történet,amit a literotika oldalán olvastam!Köszönöm ,nagyon tetszett és Gratulálok!

Great story. Love it when the kids take Dads side in a divorce!!!

We got to see what both parties felt in this story...and that of their daughter to...this story made sense from all of the parties...and you can see all of the pain here...this story has one big lesson here... you reap what you sow..........

PATHETIC WRITING....WIMP JIMMY TOOK SO LONG TO DECIDE ON WHAT FUCKING ACTION TO TAKE ON HIS WHORE WIFE

The best part of this story was when Molly had to man-up and send the email and video to the bitching family.

The worst was the unnecessay banal writing in the last couple paragraphs of the story