February Sucks - All Year Long

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Linda

I was starting to worry about Jim. It was very much unlike him to go somewhere and not tell me where he was. My calls to his cell phone went unanswered. I left three voice messages to tell him to come home or at least call me. I sent him four text messages to tell him to come home and that I was worried about him.

Why didn't he understand that my night with Marc was completely separate from us and that it meant nothing to our marriage. It was an opportunity for me to experience a night that most women can only dream about. To have the attention of a man like Marc was a fantasy that came to life in an instant. He's a physically powerful man that is gifted in the way that he gives attention to the woman that he is with.

He's a very skilled lover and knows how to push the right buttons at the right time. I've never had sex that good before. Maybe that's the thing that Jim is thinking about. I forgot about his ego. Ah, he'll get over it. I need to let him know when he gets home that he is still my husband and that I think that he is the best thing for me. Besides Marc.

**********

Jim (Monday morning)

I just turned my cell phone on and it started buzzing right away. There were 62 text messages, a whole bunch of voicemail messages and even more missed calls. I did a fast scan and most were from Linda. I deleted them all.

I showered and got dressed to go to work. I checked out of the hotel and got a coffee to go and drove to my office. When I got there and inside the safety of my tiny office, I shut the door. I wasn't sure how long I could hide there, but I was going to try.

About 9:30, my boss came by and knocked. I opened the door and he looked at me with a wide-eyed expression. "Jim, what the fuck is going on? Linda has been burning up the phone lines looking for you. Are you...missing?"

I kind of laughed at his question. "Come in and have a chair; I'll explain."

I glossed over most of the story but sufficed to say, told him that Linda and I were having a big issue just now. We were at opposite ends of an important issue that impacted our family and that we would likely need help sorting it out. I didn't actually tell him what the 'issue' was.

Ralph looked at me and offered, "okay, you do what you gotta do. Let me know if you need time off or if you need to have some flex in your schedule. I know you have a grip on your workload and beyond that I'll leave you alone to sort it all out. If you need me to help, just let me know."

With that he got up and escaped my office. I'm sure that his imagination was running wild. He would eventually hear all about it.

After two cups of coffee and the return of my heartburn I turned on my desktop computer and started to search for family-law lawyers in the area. That means divorce lawyers. There were lots. It must have been growth industry, considering the number that were listed.

As I searched the listings, I tried to recall if I knew anyone that had gone through a divorce lately. I drew a blank. Then I remembered the lawyer that I used to do some administrative things for us; we had wills done up just in case a catastrophe struck and we needed to protect the interests of the kids. I called the law office of Thomas (Tommy) Brown and asked to speak with him. I waited a bit on hold and then Tommy answered. We had a basic chit-chat about what I wanted to know and he told me that he would call me back later that day to talk more.

I managed to get through the day without being totally useless at my job (I'm an auditor -- yes, a CPA) and the office Admin staffer was in and out of my office several times, like normal. When Tommy called me back, I closed the door to my office so I could talk to him uninterrupted.

Basically, he told me that unless I had photos of my wife fucking Mr. Asshole Football Player, or her sworn testimony admitting that she had sex with him, then I could expect that the law of our state (New York) would pretty much give it all to Linda and tell me to go get stuffed.

Tommy explained that New York was pretty much on par with California in that the courts usually awarded custody of children to mothers, unless there was an issue of 'fitness.' What he meant was that infidelity wasn't one of the things that the law considered when it came to the end of a marriage. A woman could fuck as many men, besides her husband, that she wanted and as long as she fed the kids and acted like a reasonable mother, she got the kids, a big chunk of the income of her husband and almost always the house. Fathers get to pay the bills and get 'fucked' by the law.

Custody of children was a big issue and the concept that fathers were not as good as mothers when it came to raising families was, in my estimation, not the issue that was important here. Tommy agreed but told me that thousands of fathers have expressed similar concern to the courts, but in almost every case had lost the argument. So, I could be much guaranteed that Linda would get the kids and I would get the pleasure of paying for everything and not having my kids.

I decided that I might as well go home see what kind of shit-show my marriage and family life was to become. At my normal time I drove home.

**********

The kids were happy to see me. They didn't know what was going on; they were only 7 and 5 years old.

Linda tried to give me a hug and a kiss but I turned my head and she kissed my cheek. I moved back from her to put some space between us and took my bags to the home office and unpacked my laptop and plugged my phone into the charger. I went to the bedroom, put my dirty things in the hamper and took a shower. When I came down, supper was just about ready and I got a beer from the refrigerator.

I said nothing during supper and after helped the kids with their school homework and got them ready for bed. After lights out, I went to our home office and did a couple of things and then went and got some clothes sorted out and moved to the guest bedroom. I took my toiletries, in a small travel case, to the bedroom and hung things up in the closet.

Linda realized what I was doing and stood with her hands on her hips in the hallway. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like." I replied, as I went by her with an armload of things to store in the chest-of-drawers.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why not." I said as I passed by her again. "I'm not sleeping in the same bed as you right now. You showed me, very clearly, what you thought of me as your husband. Since I don't measure up, it's just as well that we sleep in separate bedrooms."

"Don't be ridiculous! I told you that Marc meant nothing to me. I love you and I love our marriage. My one night with him was just that, only one night."

I was passing by her again in the hallway, "You didn't love me enough to not do what you did with that asshole. You didn't give me a second thought when you ran out the back door of the restaurant to go be with him. Did you think about me or your family at all that night?" I kept going. My anger level, and my blood pressure were ramping up.

I passed by with another armload, looked her in the eyes and asked, "Did you and he use condoms?"

There was no answer. "Never mind, you just answered my question. Go and get checked for STD's."

Linda stood in the hallway for a few seconds and then went downstairs.

I kept moving a few more things and then when I was done, I went in the room and shut the door. I spent the rest of the night organizing my clothing and other things and then I went to bed.

Sleep came with difficulty that night. I tossed and turned and tried to get the image of Linda having sex with that asshole, out of my mind.

Why did she have to go and spoil everything? If she wanted out of our marriage all she had to do was talk to me. I guess I would have tried to talk her out of it and wanted us to go to marriage counselling. Maybe this was her way of saying that things were beyond salvage and that marriage counselling wasn't on her list of things to do. But why does she continue with her ridiculous statement that she loves me? She clearly is not in-love with me. My love for her is fading fast.

I hate this.

**********

One month later

Linda

Jim is barely speaking to me. The last month has been the worst time of my life.

Marc called me last week; I must have given him my phone number when he dropped me off at my house. We got together for lunch at a small place downtown. He wore a hat and sunglasses so that he wouldn't be recognized. We talked about our night together and he asked if I wanted to repeat the night. I was flattered but I told him that it wasn't a good idea. That my marriage was not doing well and if I were to have sex with him I might as well just divorce Jim now and save everyone a whole lot of bother.

He was kind of surprised and told me that he wasn't trying to cause a divorce, but if I wanted to have another night of great sex to let him know. I told him that I would keep it in mind and then we finished up and went our separate ways.

The rumour factory is working overtime and my mother is asking what is going on with Jim and I. I told her that nothing is going on. She asked why Jim is never seen with me and when we are together, he looks like the dog just died.

I told her that there is nothing going on. Her imagination was getting the better of her. Jim and I were fine. She looked at me as if she didn't believe a word that I said.

**********

Jim

One of the people that I work with, Kim, came to me this afternoon and told me that she had seen my wife in a restaurant downtown at about noon. Kim said that she was meeting up with her husband for lunch and they were very sure it was Linda in the restaurant. It caught her husband's attention because he was sure that the NFL player Marc Lavalliere was there at the same table with her. When Kim looked over at him, she recognized Linda. Kim is good with faces and remembered Linda from the company Christmas Party just last December.

Kim's curiosity was on high-alert at that point. Her husband was trying to get a picture of the asshole without him knowing it. He held his cell phone camera under his arm and snapped the picture. Kim looked at it and Air-Dropped it to her phone. Then she changed seats at their table so she could watch Linda.

When Kim got back to the office, she quietly came to see me and shut the door to the office. The look on her face said that this wasn't going to be good.

"Jim, I need to show you this." She held up her cell phone. "I took this photo a couple of hours ago at the Italian place a few blocks away. I was meeting Bill there for lunch.

Kim handed me the phone. I looked at it. She might have just as well have hit me in the head with a hammer. My anger went through the roof. I had to remember to breathe. My heart rate was rocketing up.

"Fuck!" I exhaled. "Sorry Kim. That wasn't meant for you. Could I have that photo please?"

Kim took her phone back and texted me the picture. A few seconds later it was on my phone.

"Thanks Kim. I have to go; I have a few things to do."

Kim left my office. I got up and got my suit jacket and grabbed my car keys. I left the office without saying anything to anyone. For the drive home I was on autopilot.

I got home and printed the picture in colour. I went to the garage and got two suitcases and a couple of cardboard boxes.

I went to the master bedroom and started taking Linda's things and stuffing them in the suitcases and the boxes. It didn't take that long to empty out the drawers and most of the closet. Her toiletries went into another box. I hauled them all down stairs and out in front of the garage door. I knew when she got home that she would be trying to put her car in the garage on the right side; so, the boxes went there.

I taped the photo to one of the suitcases.

I went inside and got myself mentally ready for the shit-storm that was gonna take place in a short while.

About 4 o'clock she pulled in the driveway. The kids were with her. I went out and got the kids and took them in to the kitchen and fixed them a small snack to hold them over until supper.

Linda immediately started to ask why there were suitcases and boxes blocking her side of the garage. She went up the pile and looked at them and then saw the photo of her and the asshole. I said nothing. The kids were there.

Linda went to the bedroom and shut the door. I was in the kitchen with the kids and couldn't hear what she was saying but I imagined that she must have been on the phone with someone.

While the kids were doing their homework, I started supper. Linda didn't appear until almost 7:30 and then just got in her car and left. I didn't actually see her leave so I don't know if she took anything with her.

I was hoping that she was starting to realize just how much of a disaster that she had created by having sex with her football hero. I hope the sex was worth it. Because I was going to make her pay for it.

I went to bed about 10 o'clock and heard the front door open about 11 o'clock. I heard her footsteps in the hallway but she went to her bedroom and never tried to talk to me. Just as well, I didn't want to talk to her at the moment.

**********

Linda

When I saw that picture taped to the suitcase, I realized that Jim knew about my lunch with Marc. Maybe it wasn't such a smart idea to have lunch with him. But it was just lunch. That's all.

I went to talk to Dee and get her opinion of what I should do. She told me to stay the course. Jim would eventually come around and see that one night out of our lives meant nothing. Dee's husband overheard part of our conversation and stuck his head in the kitchen. He said that I had totally underestimated the impact of a night of sex with Marc would do to Jim. Dave said that if Dee had done the same, her ass would have been out in the snowbank about five minutes after she got home. He turned and left the kitchen before either of us could say anything.

**********

Jim

Linda started dragging her things back into the house. I had to shake my head. Did she think that I would put up her nonsense so casually; 'yeah, go ahead and meet up with your lover, Dear, I don't mind.' No, that wasn't gonna pass any kind of test that said it was remotely acceptable. Not in my books, it wouldn't.

She was stomping around the house. "If you think for one minute that I'm leaving this house, well you can forget it Jim! I'm not leaving."

I stood in the entrance to the kitchen, "So, I guess you want to see your boyfriend and live here at the same time?"

"There is no boyfriend, get that through your skull!"

"Well, what the fuck were you doing having lunch with him, then?" I exhaled, "and where did you run off to yesterday? I can only guess." I turned and walked away.

Linda was silent and went back to what she was doing. The boxes were bulky but I had no intention of helping her. She got all her things back in the bedroom and by that time I was exhausted and didn't care any more and needed sleep.

The next morning I got up, got ready for work and got the kids up, fed, lunches made and got them ready to get to school. Linda hauled herself out of bed, looking tired and I could see that she didn't really want to get to her work. They wouldn't get much out of her today.

**********

Two months later

Jim

It's the start of summer and all the normal summer things are underway. The kids are doing soccer and T-Ball and I have been busy trying to keep a grip on the hayfield that the lawn threatens to become if I don't cut it a couple of times a week.

I'm still living in the guest bedroom and relations with my wife are still 'frosty,' if I had to be asked to provide a term to describe them. In fact, I have as little to do with Linda as I can and still be in the same house with her. Most of our interactions are about the kids. That and any business matters that need to be resolved; bill paying, schedules and house things. Other than that, I do what I do and she does what she does. I cook a lot for me and the kids and she occasionally makes a meal and will eat with us if she wants to. I might as well be divorced.

I've had discussions with my lawyer and the result wasn't at all encouraging. I told you about Tommy earlier. Well, he's called me a couple of times to check in and see if there is any change in things. He did mention to me that if I leave the house, I could expect to pay through the nose. My concern was to preserve my relationship with my children. They were little and they had a lot of growing up to do. I wanted them to learn more than just what is taught at school, but also what being a good person is all about. Their mother was off to a shaky start in her example for them.

I gave Tommy the task with developing a legal plan for me to continue to have custody of the kids no matter the fate of my marriage. In reality, if Linda and I stayed together, I figured that as soon as the youngest left home for college or university, then that would be the start of the end of my marital woes. I would invite Linda to leave our home and not come back.

I don't want to live with a woman who betrays me when it's convenient for her to do that. If she actually cares that little for me to openly betray our marriage and then act as if it was nothing to be concerned about; well, that speaks volumes about her. I didn't know if Linda had developed a mental illness and was so delusional in her thinking that she really believed that it meant nothing to our marriage for her to have sex with her boyfriend. What utter nonsense.

So, I started making a plan. I had to look after myself first before I could look after the kids. That meant I had to do all the things that a good father does. It also meant that I had to attend to my physical and emotional well-being. I got back to physical fitness. I got back to activities that I wanted to do.

I used to run in school and for a while after. When the kids were born and time became limited, my attempts at being physically active were few and far between. The reality of a family and career took centre stage and I slowly got out of shape. I realized it in March after Linda met with her boyfriend for that lunch. I clearly wasn't the man that rocked her world any more. I was the out of shape husband whose job it was to work and do what was needed and not complain. Yeah. That was my life.

In fairness, Linda had a good job at a real estate agency as an administrative office coordinator. She managed the paperwork for all the sales agents and kept the place running. That wasn't thrilling work either, so I suppose her fantasy of sex with a muscle-bound jock was what she wanted to alleviate her boredom. Too bad her jock is not the one that takes care of the kids, takes out the garbage, fixes things around the house, puts gas in the cars and takes the kids to school and the doctor. That's what a husband is for.

So, I started getting up earlier in the morning, and getting out to pound the sidewalks for a few miles. The first two weeks were torture. I thought my lungs were gonna collapse and my legs felt like lead weights. I figured that I'd have the 'big one' and all of Linda's problems would be solved. She'd be able to get a sizeable insurance pay-out, the mortgage would be paid and she could go out and find a new husband to do her chores for her. Just thinking about it made me mad and I ran faster and further.

There was a fitness gym around the corner from the building that I worked in and I started spending my lunch hours there doing some of the classes and working on my upper body. They have spin classes and I found that I really enjoyed them. I haven't ridden a bicycle since university and oddly it was a chore to get back at it. Once I did, I liked it.

During the school break I took the kids out hiking as much as I could coax them to go. I had to mix it up with fun things to do and food. Sometimes I would pack sandwiches and water for us and once in while we would stop a favourite fast-food place. Most of the time I didn't even bother to mention to Linda that we were going; then she would act all indigent that she wasn't invited. I told her that we were going; she could come with us if she wanted. She did, once in a while. For the most part it was just me and the kids.