Cold Hard Fax

"F'n great, Hal, but I just cannot picture Janet cheating on me."

There was silence again before Hal spoke. "Only Janet has the answers for that, but she may not know herself, or never tell you. And, Gary, do you really need or want to know why? Does it matter? There is an old saying of never take a check at a poker game."

"Look, Hal, I gotta go take a walk or something. My whole body feels like it is going to implode. Think of what my options are here."

"Okay, Gary, but if you do not know your options, you do not have any. Call me if you need anything okay?"

****

Two hours and a long walk later Janet's voice on the phone sounded no different than when we last spoke.

"Gary, where have you been? I called three times."

"I could ask you the same thing, Janet. I have not heard from you since Friday."

"Sorry, Gary, it has just been so crazy with wedding stuff. The girls and I went to a few halls to listen to some bands for our wedding on Friday and Saturday nights. Sunday we had a cake tasting after brunch."

"You see anything you like?"

"You mean bands?" Janet giggled. "Well, nothing I would wanna bring to our wedding."

"Really? You know, you and I differ in what is a 'good' band music. I think I should call the maid of honor, she and I have same tastes in music. Hell, she introduced us at a concert you hated, remember?"

"Oh, Gary, um I don't think she will not be able to help. Ah... she had a head cold and couldn't hear anything."

"Oh I am so sorry, let her know I hope she feels better."

"Oh sure, Gary I'll pass it along."

"I got great news, Janet. Remember when we loaded Hal that $1,000 to buy that gold at the pawn shop and he turned it into $3,000?"

"How could I forget, that brought us almost 1/3 the way to our house down payment money. Hal is a genius!"

"Awesome then. Hal has a similar situation now. I need you to give him $9,000 from our house down payment account tomorrow. We should get close to double our money in about 90 days."

There was hesitation before Janet spoke. "Um... I don't know Gary. I would not feel comfortable carrying around that much cash to the pawn shop."

"Not a problem, Janet. Hal is gonna have that man mountain, Rayray, meet you at the bank. Just get a cashier's check. I'll call the bank manager tomorrow morning, he is an old high school buddy of mine, to have everything ready."

A bit of desperation was creeping into Janet's voice. "That is almost all of our house down payment fund, which does not seem wise. Maybe we should talk about this some more."

"Janet, can you think of a better use for our money? You do not think we can trust Hal? He has never cheated me before."

"I just worry, that's a lot of money."

"Janet, it's rarely the things we worry about that really matter in the long run."

"It's not that, Gary, it just... ah, I do not think I can get to the bank tomorrow."

"Can't make it to the bank? What could be more important than the place we are going to live together? Our future together?"

Janet started to go on with some lame excuse, I was growing weary of the game. Time to end it.

"Tell you what Janet, please hang up and I am going to fax you over some papers that will change your mind about everything, I know it changed my mind."

I hung up the phone before Janet could respond. I thanked Hal that he had given us one of the fax machines that had an internal memory of incoming feeds. This way I could just "forward" the fax Hal had sent me about Janet's Jail bird buddy, no need to rescan to send the whole thing.

*****

The phone started ringing 10 minutes later. Just to be a prick, I did not pick up until the fourth ring, Janet started talking even before I said a word.

"OH MY GOD, GARY! Where did you get this!"

"Seriously, Janet? That is your major concern? Where I got the fax from? Is your sole purpose in life to simply serve as a stupid warning to others?"

"No, Gary, I mean I... I... I am just in shock.."

"Shocked, Janet?" I interrupted, and in a sarcastic tone said. "I can't even imagine how shocked you must be."

I could almost hear the wheels turning in Janet's head from a time zone away when she answered. "It is just a quick loan to someone I know. I know I did not talk to you about it, and that was wrong, but that all this was."

"Really?" I replied. "So your make out session with this guy in the receiving area of the Metro PD station was a service fee for the loan with OUR money?"

"It was nothing like that, Gary."

"So who is this guy you are fucking? How long and why"

"I am not fucking anyone but you, Gary. You do not know him, it is... complicated, I really don't want to go into it now."

"BZZZZ!!" I exclaimed. "WRONG Answer. I have a VHS tape of the security camera cued up on my TV right now. In Living Color, well two colors -black and white, I can see you and your love jailbird doing a whole lotta PDA. You know, Public Display of Affection? Good thing you two went off to get a room. If you were not my former fiancée to be married in August, and he was not a scumbag. I would think the groping scene was pretty hot."

Now, of course, I was bluffing and had no VHS tape, but I was betting Janet would not know that.

"What! No, no, no, it was nothing like that. I do not know what you are looking at, but I... I just went along because I did not want to create a scene there at the Police Station. Wait, what do you mean 'former fiancée'?"

"Two comments on that, Janet. Number one, if you were just 'going along' with almost fucking that dickwad at the Cop Shop, I do not even wanna know what you two did in the car in the parking lot after you left. Second..."

Janet interrupted. "That's not what it was! I just..."

Now it was my turn to interrupt. "Whoa, Janet, I am not done yet. However, number two, we are done, completely finished. I said 'former fiancée', because do you think I am going to marry someone who fucks other guys behind my back, plus gives my hard earned money to her side dicks?"

"Please Gary, this is... nothing... a misunderstanding. Noting physical happened. Give me a chance to get you to understand. We ARE going to be married August 24. We have a down payment on the hall, the church reservation, my gown, the cake, all the people..."

"Janet, you will not tell me who this guy is, or what is going on. I would no more marry you than take navigation advice from the Captain of the Titanic. But, tell you what, you said our ten grand you gave for your boyfriends bail money..."

"Gary! He is NOT my boyfriend, I..."

"Fuckbuddy, sidedick, whatever, Janet." I broke in. "You keep the ten K and use it to pay off the wedding expenses. We are already living in separate states, and my shit is already in storage. So look, let us just part company now. I would say 'have a nice life', but Mom taught me not to lie. Don't call here anymore because I will not talk to you on the phone anymore."

With that I hung up the phone and disconnected the cord from the wall.

*****

To say I was useless the next few days would be an understatement.

"Gary, you look like shit." Mac said, looking down on me as I cursed after botching another hard line termination.

"I feel like shit, Mac," I replied, getting to my feet.

Mac got up close to me. "Of all the motley crew, you are the last one I thought I'd have to tell to get his bloody head out of his ass."

Just then, Rufus passed by. "Leave him be Mac. Poor boy gots lady troubles."

Mac raised his hands to the sky. "Damn birds are the Devil."

Rubbing dirt off my hands I replied. "Well I would not say she is the devil, but to be honest I have never seen her and Satan in the same room at the same time, so one never knows."

Suddenly there was a splash from canal behind us, followed by loud cursing from Red on one leg of the Tower.

Mac looked at Red, who was scrambling down the tower and then at the murky water in the canal. Mac's face got flush as he tried to control his temper. "Christs cross, Red, don't tell me you dropped another LNB feed assembly in the drink."

Red hopped the last cross member onto the ground. "Not my fault, Mac." Red whined. "Those damn things are slippery.

Macs hands were clenched as he closed his eyes. "Red, that was the spare unit. Those units have a 3 month lead time! We gotta get that one or the whole project is gonna be fucked."

Red eyed the canal. "Um Mac, there could be gators in the water."

I pointed at the place where we had last seen the feed assembly.

"Shouldn't be a problem for a famous gator hunter like you. Weren't you just telling us about all the gator hunting you and your pappy been doing since before you could walk? Your family is part reptile for three generations."

"Back off Yankee" Red fumed. "You think it's so easy, you go dive your bluebelly ass in the drink."

I shrugged and started to take off my shoes. "Okay, gator boy."

Red came up to me as I was taking off my shirt. "What do you think you're doing?"

Mac stepped between us. "Which one of you ugly bastards is going to get my Feed assembly?"

Red looked at the water, and then at his minions who were gathered to the side and said nothing.

I stepped out of my pants wearing only my boxers.

Mac looked at me, then at Red. "Red, either sack up or back up."

Red threw up his hands. "Probably ain't no gators in there anyway. I ain't got no change of clothes and am not getting the inside of my truck all muddy."

Mac put his hand on my chest to stop me from moving. "Rufus, get me the Lee."

Rufus ran into the old concrete motor pool garage that he keep an ancient school bus he drove for his church and came back with a rifle. Rufus gave the gun to Mac.

Mac pulled a clip from his pocket, inserted the clip into the Lee-Enfield rife and racked a .303 round.

"What's that for?" I asked

Red clapped his hands. 'You one of them Northern faggots afraid of guns? Hell, boy, guns don't kill people."

"That so, Red?" I said walking toward the canal. "If guns do not kill people, why do we give soldiers rifles before they go to war?

Mac grinned at me. "Just in case of gators. Don't you worry, you are too ugly to attract any gators."

I waded into the water and turned back to Mac. "You sure you can handle a firearm? You see well enough to hit the gator, or do you need some glasses?"

Mac hefted the rifle to his shoulder in one smooth practiced move. "I have been hitting head shots at a 100 meters while you were still trying to find your mother's tit to suck on."

I was waist deep in the water now. "That was a long time ago Mac, you sure you could even see a tit at your age?"

Mac was peering thru the guns sight as he scanned the water. "Just get the damn feed, you pup. Let us grownups worry about the weapons."

After a few minutes of searching, I located the feed assembly. Just as I pulled the unit out of the mud one of Reds minions yelled "GATOR!" and pointed at a pair of hooded eyes silently gliding in the water toward me.

Everyone started yelling and gesturing. Mac was still peering calmly thru the guns sight as he said evenly. "Gary, get your bloody ass to shore now."

Wading franticly toward the nearest bank, I saw a splash of water behind me followed by a gunshot. Mac worked the bolt so quickly cranking off rounds you would think he had an automatic, not some WWII relic.

Literally leaping onto the shore, the gunshots ceased as Mac lowered his rifle. I saw Red and his crew hauling in the carcass of a five foot alligator.

I never felt so alive. Jumping to my feet I held the Satellite part above my head. "Who's your Gator DADDY now, Red!" I did a Rocky like dance. "And they say firefighters are the real heroes; I am a real life Rock and Roll Action Hero!"

Suddenly a familiar female voice rang out behind me. "All you need now is a Cape and a Theme song."

I turned, and was stunned to see Janet standing there.

****

Mac scowled as he unloaded his gun and cleared the action. "Who is this Lass? And more important, who let her in here?"

Rufus looked at Janet's torn pant leg, dirt smeared shirt and blood trickling from a cut on her arm. "Mac, it looks like our little lady here climbed over the barbed wire fence."

Janet put her hands on her hips. "No one was at the gate, and I was not going to sit there honking the car horn all day."

I put down the satellite feed assembly. "Janet, what are you doing here?"

Janet did not take her hands off her hips. "You said you did not want to speak by phone, so here I am."

Mac tucked the gun under his arm. "This is all bloody sweet, but can we get back to work and stop staring at the lass like you never seen a female before." He turned toward me. "Gary, take your girlfriend into the MCR bunker, there is a first aid kit there. Get her squared away. But first, give me that damn satellite feed and for the love of the Queen, put on some clothes."

I was about to say "She is not my girlfriend," When Rufus grabbed us both, pushing us toward the MCR Bunker.

****

I was putting on my shirt after cleaning out the small scratch on Janet's arm. "Okay, Janet, what are you doing here? What part of 'we are done finished' did you not understand?"

Janet fingered the bandage on her arm before answering. "I quit my job, loaded my car and gave away everything else and drove non-stop here to be with you. Don't I even get a hug?"

"You take turns driving with Lover Jailbird on the way here, or is he waiting in the car by the gate?"

Janet just stared at me.

"Oh sorry, Janet, my bad, he is probably not allowed to leave the state."

"Gary," Janet began, taking a deep breath. "We both had a history before we met. I know mine did not interest you, but I may have glossed over my 'wild party girl' phase."

I rolled my eyes. "Let me guess, drugs, sex and rock n' roll?"

Janet looked down at her fingers. "I am not proud, but I'll own it. However a lot of those two years are a blur so..." She shrugged her shoulders.

"You better have more than 'been there done that, can't remember most of it', because that was the past not the present."

Janet took a deep breath again. "I was with... that guy, for almost the whole two years. The only good thing about that I do not regret is the dog he had."

"Seriously, Janet? You are going with a Dog Tale? Old Yellar, Spot, Rin Tin Tin, Lassie?"

"No, Gary, I am just trying to lay some groundwork, a perspective. The only thing that keep me sane during that time was his dog."

"..and the dog had our phone number around his neck." I interrupted. "Like a Saint Bernard with a whiskey keg?"

"No, Gary, one of my friends met him last year and gave him our phone number. I admit when he called I did talk to him, but I never met him. We just talked a bit, I told him I was no longer in that life. We wished each other the best and I thought that was the end of it. The event was so... inconsequential, I do not remember if I said anything to you about it."

"How nice for you, Janet. But I do think I would recall if you said over dinner '...guess who called today? My old drug dealer boyfriend..."

"He did not matter, Gary, not even a little bit. I frankly forgot all about him." She stopped speaking.

"Until?" I prompted.

Janet exhaled. "Yes, until that night when he called from jail. He just wanted me to go get his dog that was being held at the city pound. The Animal Control people would not release the dog to me, only to the owner. They were gonna put the dog down in three days. I could not let that happen. I... I didn't know what else to do. That's is why I used our house money to post bail."

I grabbed the back of my shirt and made an effort to turn it around. "Hey Janet, can you tell me if the 'STUPID' sign on my back is on straight? I hate when it gets cockeyed."

She grimaced before continuing. "It's the truth, Gary. The event at the Metro PD was as embarrassing to me as it was to you to watch. But NOTHING happened. The next day we went to the Dog Pound, got his dog and I have not seen him since."

"You never saw him again? Just like our money, oh yeah, except for the night you two spend together."

Janet pulled an envelope out of her purse. "There was no night together Gary. After you sent me that fax I went to the court and revoked his bail." She handed me the envelope. "There is $6,000 in there, it is what is left after jail fees, and paying off all the wedding stuff."

I fingered the stack of crisp $100 bills. "And the dog?"

She grinned sheepishly. "I kinda kidnapped the pooch before I pulled the bail. The dog is happily living a good life with my maid of honor."

I tossed the envelope on a desk. "So now what?"

Janet leaned in and touched my knee. "I know there is no wedding date anymore, but I am gonna win you back. I am a dental assistant, I can get a job anywhere."

I pointed at Red and his crew toiling outside. "Have you seen my coworkers smile? The Dental care business is not a growth industry in this town."

****

Janet got a job about three hours away. She was staying with an elderly Aunt just north of Miami. She drove down every Friday and stayed until late Sunday. It was awkward at first, but we slowly got back into the groove.

Then came that bastard Andrew.

We were pulling down a NOAA feed off the large C band dish. I had not been paying attention to Andrew; when it was just a tropical storm. Even when Andrew became the first Hurricane of the season I was not concerned, but living my life far from either coast, I know about as much about Hurricanes as I did about thermal nuclear physics.

Mac, being an old sailor, was uneasy and started getting our site prepared for the worst.

Red and his group made fun of Macs plans.

"We been living here our whole lives." Red boasted. "Ain't been a big Hurricane here since my grandpappy's day in the 1920s."

"What's your plan for Hurricane Andrew, Red?" I asked.

"Same as any other night off," Red hooted. "Drink some beers!"

Mac shook his head. "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."

Red just laughed. "Hey I am like... a... trying to contribute to our little society group here."

Rufus, who had not said anything spoke up. "The only way you could contribute anything to society is if they start launching monkeys into space again."

"Shut up, old man." Red snapped. "The TV stations been saying the Hurricane is gonna pass right by us."

I was now confused, and when I got home called the best weatherperson I knew.

Vicki, the meteorologist from my old TV station was understanding, blunt and to the point. "Get out of there, you are gonna get creamed. I mean Act of God creamed."

I scratched my head, and switched the phone to my other ear. "But, Vicki, the weather guys around here are saying it is gonna pass by us."

"Look, Gary, if you want to go with the herd, then three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. If you want my opinion then go now, go fast, and go far. I would love to chat more, but I need to get ready for the newscast. Keep your head down, okay?"

I hung up the phone and turned to Janet, who was leafing thru a magazine I had brought in with the mail. She was laying on my bed.

"Janet, you want to stay here? We are going to ride this Hurricane out in the MCR bunker. Mac said it was built to withstand a nuclear blast, so we should be okay."

Janet shook her head. "No, I better go to my aunt's place, she does not have anyone and I know she would feel better if I was with her."

I jammed the rest of the mail in a side pocket of my pants and leaned in to give her a kiss.

****

Vicki the meteorologist was right, we did get creamed.

Mac, Rufus and I walked out of the MCR bunker to what looked like the surface of the moon.

"Jesus Christ!" I said looking around at the devastation, not a tree was standing, and not a house could be seen for miles. "What was the wind speed on that Hurricane?"