Be Gone By The Time I Get Back

She paused. "I made my share of mistakes, Curt. I allowed a man to get too close to me. What started as an innocent dinner became a nightmare. Something I never dreamed could happen to me. But now to find I may have been drugged makes more sense out of the whole thing. He may even have started that first evening by giving me a little at a time, making it easier for me to relax and trust him on subsequent meetings. I have no idea if drugs work that way, but it's logical to me.

She struggled to stand, and when she did she tried to pour herself more wine. She didn't have a chance to drink any of the small amount she was able to get in her glass because she passed out on her feet and crumpled to the carpet. I was happy it was white wine.

I put her fully dressed on my bed and called her parents. I told them she was at my apartment passed out cold and I could either bring her home, leave her where she was and let her sleep it off, or they could come get her. They chose to get her.

They almost laughed when they saw her. "How did she get so drunk?" Her father asked.

"I did it on purpose," I admitted.

"Why?" he asked starting to get a bit unhappy.

"I've always heard 'In vino veritas' and I thought it was time to learn the truth about what happened to us."

"You know the truth. She was drugged."

"I understand that, but why and how did she get in a position that allowed him to drug her."

"I guess that makes sense," he said.

I carried her to their car. She called me two days later and asked me what happened. "Let's meet and I'll tell you," I said.

She was at my apartment that evening. "Oh, my God. Did I spill wine here? I seem to remember something like that."

"You did."

"Why did you get me drunk? I told you that you didn't have to get me drunk to make love to me, didn't I?"

"You did."

Did we... I mean, I was drunk, but did we... you know?"

"No."

"Did we want to?"

"It never came up.

"Then why did you get me drunk?"

"Because I wanted the truth about you and Jameson and I knew that if you were drunk, you'd tell it."

She didn't care for that. "I tried to tell you sober and the stories would have been the same. I let him get too close to me and he drugged me and got me drunk. I would never have cheated sober. Do you have any idea how much I loved you and our life? My God, you were my everything, and the bastard stole it from me... from us.

She took a breath. "I guess it's better I learned now before getting my hopes up any further about us. You'll never believe me sober. That's pretty sad. Goodbye."

I felt like an asshole. She was right. She had offered to tell me the truth and I wouldn't let her. Fuck, I felt low.

Out the door she went. I spent several days trying to decide what my next step was, and couldn't because I had no idea what my final goal was with regard to Janet and me. I finally decided not to make a decision.

Two weeks went by with no contact between Janet and her family and me. I decided to call Janet. "Can we talk?" I asked.

"Why? So you can get me drunk and see if I'll tell you about any other men I've fucked?"

"No. So I can begin to try to apologize to you."

She didn't say anything for a long time. "I don't know. I'm really pissed at you. You felt you had to get me drunk to get the truth out of me. Jameson had to get me drunk to drug me to seduce me. I don't know who's worse you or him.'

"Janet, I'm sorry. I never should have done it." I paused to let my apology sink in. She said nothing. "Call me if you change your mind." I ended the call.

My unit spent the next three days in the field. No phones were allowed. When we got back to Ft. Sill, my phone showed two messages from Janet. I called her.

"Would you still like to talk?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"My parents will be gone for a couple of days. How about tomorrow evening. Here?"

"What time?"

"Whenever you get here."

She met me at the door, ushered me in and offered me a seat. I preferred to stand and pace. She sat. Then I started. "The first mistake I made was not beating the shit out of Jameson, but I was too shocked when I saw you naked on the sofa with him. My next mistake was overreacting. I should have taken the time to listen to you. As far as I know, you had never lied to me so I would have no reason to think you would lie, unless, of course, you tried to defend what you did. The third thing I did wrong was to send you home. Again, staying calm and talking to you would have been the better option, but I was so shocked, I didn't know right from wrong. I only knew my heart was broken."

I sat on the sofa across the room from her. "My heart was still broken when I got back to the States. I still had a chance to talk to you, but I chose the divorce option. I had yet another chance when you said you wanted to save the marriage and we could go to counseling. That was probably my last chance to do something smart, and I fucked that up, too.

"Then I started thinking about you and how your life was. I knew your parents and brother would take care of you, but deep down inside of me, a little voice told me that taking care of you was my job. When your brother told me about your being in the hospital, my heart broke again, but not nearly as much as when I actually saw you there. And getting you drunk might not be the worst thing I've ever done, but it's pretty high up there." I took both her hands. "I am so sorry."

"So what happens now?" she asked.

"That depends on you. We can keep going our separate ways or we can maybe start seeing each other and see what happens."

"And you say the choice is up to me?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I don't care for either of those options."

I was a bit taken aback. "What other option is there?"

She moved close to me. "You can hold me, then kiss me like you used to. We can go from there."

I decided I could live with that option, so that's what we did, and it worked up to where we both wanted to fuck, and that didn't take very long. We ran to her bedroom and got naked. When I saw her standing there, I stared. I took a step toward her and she stepped back. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"I don't know. I see you there and I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve it. I don't want you thinking of Jameson every time we try to have sex from now on. Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all." She rushed to her closet, took out a robe, put it on and left the room.

I took my time getting dressed. I called for her, but she never answered, so I left. She was right, in a way. I probably would think of the two of them together, but I was sure the memory would fade over time After all, there have been untold numbers of couples who have worked through similar circumstances and lived long, productive lives together.

I waited a day or two to call her parents to see how she was doing.

Her father answered. "Lots of things happening around here, Curt. Janet told us she didn't want to be near you because she didn't want to cause you any more pain, so she's moving."

"Moving? Moving where?"

"She doesn't know, so she's starting in Jackson Hole."

"When is she leaving?"

"This week, she says." He and his wife had a small cabin in Jackson Hole, and they used to go there as a family for vacations and visits. Janet and I were there three times. He added something else. "By the way. She received a call from that Army Agent. He told her that the man they thought drugged her, really did drug her. He agreed to confess on the condition that he received a lighter sentence. He confessed to putting the drug in her vodka. He put it in twice just to make he could seduce her."

"How much lighter sentence did the bastard get? Do you know?"

"Sure do. "He's doing 15-30 years in Leavenworth Federal Pen."

"How did Janet take it?"

"She just nodded her head. For her, it's all about your feelings and thoughts."

The next day at work, I asked my boss for a two week leave, and told him why. He approved it so I went home to pack.

I was sitting on the front porch of the cabin in Jackson Hole when she drove up the driveway. She got out of her car, walked onto the porch, and sat in the other of the two rocking chairs that were there.

"What do you think this is going to prove?" she asked.

"Does it have to prove anything? Can't we just spend some time together?"

We sat rocking and looking at the Tetons. An hour went by before she spoke. "I have to get my stuff from the car."

I stood to help her, but she said she could do it. I ignored her.

I was first inside with some of her stuff and went right to the master bedroom with it. She followed me in and hung her load in the only closet. She came out. "Where's your stuff?"

"In the other bedroom."

She nodded. It didn't take long to get all of her stuff inside. She started looking around the kitchen for things she thought we needed, but I had done it all. "Are we going to eat out or in?" she asked.

"I thought was might eat here, if that's okay."

She was tired from the trip, so we ate early and she went to bed.

The next morning, she had breakfast ready. "What're we going to do today?" she asked.

"Do you feel like walking around town?"

"Sounds like fun.

That's what we did. On that first day, she told me about the call telling her about Jameson's confession. The second and third days we did the same thing we did on the first day, and we were living like brother and sister.

We had been there four days and hadn't discussed the two of us at all. I felt like it had been a wasted trip. On the afternoon of the fifth day, she was out shopping. I packed my stuff and loaded my car.

When she returned I had dinner ready. We ate and had evening number five of looking at the mountains. She usually took her shower first in the evening, but that evening, I beat her to it. I was showered and in bed by nine. I remember hearing her shower running as I drifted off to sleep.

I hadn't been asleep long when I was awakened by her sliding in beside me. She never touched me and I stayed on my side away from her.

"Curt? Are you awake?"

"Yes."

"I was driving by earlier and saw you putting stuff in your car. Are you leaving?"

"Yes."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes. Right after breakfast."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted us to try to make some progress toward... fuck. Why am I explaining it? You know why.'

"I don't want you to go." She slid her arm around me.

"When did you decide that?"

"I never wanted you to go."

I turned on the lamp beside my side of the bed and rolled over to face her. "I don't want to, but I could have more fun inventorying nuts and bolts in my unit supply room than sitting here day after day afraid to say anything personal or put my arms around you."

"You can do that now, if you want. I've been afraid you wouldn't want me." We moved our bodies to where they were touching. I put my arms around her and touched flesh. She was naked. She leaned in close to kiss me. I kissed her back. We kissed again. She threw the covers off of us and knelt on the bed. "Sit up," she said. I did and she almost ripped my tee shirt off me.

She leaned in and started kissing me from my face and all over my chest. She straddled me, crushed her chest against mine and moved her body so I could feel her breasts moving. My dick was hard for the first time in forever. I rolled her over on her back, stood on the bed and took my shorts off. She spread her legs.

"Fuck me, sweetie. No foreplay, just fuck me." She almost screamed. She reached for my dick and aimed it home. It was halfway in and the vision of her and Jameson came to mind and it started to fade.

"No. No. Don't do that," she cried. "This is your pussy. Your pussy. Make it your pussy." She started moving her hips up and down hoping the fucking motion would get me hard again. "Don't stop. Don't let it stop. Fuck your pussy. Own it, sweetie. Fuck it. Show me you love me. Love me, Curt, love me." She was moving hard and fast and it was beginning to work. I could feel my dick getting a little harder and a little harder. "Fuck me baby. That's it. That's it. Harder. Harder." We were fucking now. Then just for a minute, I remembered that the last dick that was in her was his and the fade started again. "Don't do it, sweetie. Stay hard for momma. Fuck momma, sweetie. Think about me and keep pounding. It's your pussy. Pound it. I love you, Curt. I always have and I always will."

Her words and encouragement worked. I stayed hard and we both finished hard, she a little after me, but she was concentrating so hard on me that she wasn't worried about herself.

Afterward, we just lay in each other's arms. I realized our problem wasn't over, but what we had was a start. We would both have the thoughts of her fucking him, but with any luck and maybe some counselling, we would make it.

The rest of our time there was mostly eat and fuck. Then fuck and eat. We left on the same day going home. It was tempting to leave her car and have it shipped, but we didn't. It was about an 18 hour drive, so we stopped for one night. Just being alone for the nine or so hours in the car made us both horny as rabbits. Every time I looked, saw her car, and her in it, my dick got hard. That night at the motel we fucked as hard as we ever had.

In Lawton, she went to her parent's home and I went to mine. It took us about three months before we were ready for her to move in with me, but it was not without problems. We did go to counselling sessions for about six months and they helped, but no amount of counseling will let me forget the image of her on the sofa with his dick in her hand.

We both have devils to overcome and I'm not sure if either of us is strong enough.